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#182885 +(485)- [X]

<+  XmasCola> "this screener has been electronically coded to assist in tracking illegal duplications.  unothorized duplication of this screener is stricly forbidden."
<+  XmasCola> "if you copied it, we know who did it, so you might as well just turn yourselves in and then we won't punish you as bad"
<+  XmasCola> "we swear we're not bluffing"
<+  XmasCola> "we saw hackers"

#182893 +(1241)- [X]

<Potato> A couple years back, my friend had the greatest christmas tree of all time
<Potato> We were 'round at his place, having a post-pissup drink/laugh at lightweight bastards and two cops came in because of a noise complaint
<Potato> One of them walks towards the open back door while the other does the usual "Why are you making so much noise" question routine
<Potato> The friend in question goes pale as he sees the cop stick his head in the door and only look one way before deciding they were wasting their time
<Potato> When they'd fucked off, I asked him what was wrong, he pointed in the other direction and told me to go check out the christmas tree the cop missed
<Potato> I stick my head in the door and lo, a 6 foot tall pot plant, complete with tinsel and presents around the base, is sitting in the corner, facing me off, taunting me, goin' "Yeah, fucker, I'm a 6 foot tall pot plant. Ya wanna piece of me, bitch?"

#183329 +(313)- [X]

<ACAB> 1st time i delt with a dead body i had to remove all personal belongings and put the lady in a body bag when i was an intern at the hospital ER... i put on all her jewlery and got in trouble :(
<baggle> That's some fucked up shit man
<ACAB> i put on her wedding ring and was like "Sorry ladies, im taken"

#183340 +(2049)- [X]

<%Hamtaro> I tried to register the AIM name "Your mother"
<%Hamtaro> And got this
<%Hamtaro> Create a Screen Name
<%Hamtaro> Sorry, Your mother is already in use

#183392 +(824)- [X]

* Solid_Snake has quit IRC (Read error: Operation timed out)
<@Master_Tang> rofl
<Shaytan> LOL
<Corellion> LOL

#183524 +(1437)- [X]

<DRLEGO> my gf bought me a xmas gift
<DRLEGO> off amazon
<DRLEGO> but she used my account to do it
<DRLEGO> so it charged ME
<tuffguy> haha
<tuffguy> owned

#183537 +(286)- [X]

<KTP> Having... seizure... and... erection... at.. same time... call 976

#183544 +(6285)- [X]

<Edofnor> #1 pickup line of all time: "Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

#183584 +(413)- [X]

<Kublah> stealing from drug dealers is like takin candy from a well armed baby

#184069 +(789)- [X]

* Spanky-G has parts of the old testament in his lungs
<Angel``> ??
<Spanky-G> I ran out of cigarette paper...

#184296 +(229)- [X]

<xCytheriAx> imagine losing your entire arm from a shark attack.. eek, that poor girl
<BluECliQ> thats a shame..
<xCytheriAx> she said how she believes God has a plan for her and doesn't think it's for her to get bitten by a shark twice
<BluECliQ> she might not get bit twice but if she falls off the board i cant imagine her swiming to shore with only one arm

#184381 +(2211)- [X]

<AL9000> I think it would be funny to bust up into somewhere wearing a trenchcoat and start shooting people with a brightly colored Super Soaker, and then after the intitial shock is over and people are laughing or getting pissed off, you pull out a real gun and start taking them down
<AL9000> But that's just me

#184416 +(741)- [X]

<ped> man hotmail is so gay
<ped> ecspecially now
<JC_Omega> ped, I've told you before its hotmail not www.hotmale.com
<@SJr> LOL

#184461 +(614)- [X]

RegEdit: Aquafresh Extreme Clean Toothpaste. Wow. Even toothpaste can be extreme
hyt: YEAAAAAAAAAHHHH... and to the next event... extreme gargling
RegEdit: It's called bukkake
hyt: Ewww

#184504 +(769)- [X]

<MJL> The only thing that pisses me off is when someone randomly enters my room at night during happy time.
<MJL> It's like a mad scramble to look innocent
<MJL> And it's a lose lose situation
<MJL> Because it's obvious you're trying to cover it up
<MJL> But I guess it's better than staring at your mother with your penis hanging out and asking what's up.

#184529 +(68)- [X]

sUpRbritt420: im writing a persuasive essay on why the drinking age should be lowered and breathalyzers should be installed in cars while they are being built
sUpRbritt420: how do you write a persuasive essay ------like are you allowed to ask a question?
VV1Z0: Sure
VV1Z0: You can start with a question like "Ever wondered why there are so many underage drinking arrests? Because it's fun, that's why.  We should let teenagers get as drunk as they want, so long as they don't hurt others."

#184538 +(962)- [X]

<RDrR> i was tryin to do that spray whippd cream snorting thing
<RDrR> i filled my entire fukin nasal cavity with whipped cream
<RDrR> fuck its bleedin

#184560 +(311)- [X]

<me|sleep> Friends, let me regale you with a story of my past and enlighten you with wisdom far beyond the reach of your feeble minds...
*** Signoff: me|sleep (Excess Flood)

#184655 +(27)- [X]

longislandicedtea: What about New Jersey? It has all the glamour of NYC with half the price
BarbiefromBR: whats in jersey
longislandicedtea: Nothing
longislandicedtea: Toxic waste

#184664 +(1124)- [X]

[ Smitten ] My computer just asked me if i wanted to install 'Icons for blind users'....
[ Smitten ] HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT WORK?!!?!?!?!

#184863 +(443)- [X]

<Pursey> Spam has dropped to new lows
<Murphy> is that with gps coordinates?

#184957 +(130)- [X]

( jamesog )  grr
( jamesog )  heh, milk seems to stain CD-Rs rather well
( kevin )  dude thats not milk

#185063 +(572)- [X]

<Jenova4> i eat whatever's in the panty
<NeroMan> I am lightweight
<Jenova4> pantry*
<MattW> what the
<Karva> YES!
<MattW> whoa
<MattW> whoa

#185353 +(569)- [X]

<Caedar[SOT]> God, I hate people with no game experience who work at game stores.
<Kaelo[LoR]> yeah me too Caedar[SOT] ... You want what?  Gay Sex 2?
<Kaelo[LoR]> *sigh* nonono, DEUS EX 2

#185361 +(9180)- [X]

<Fenris> My mom found me perusing bash.org and looking up quotes about incest, and was like OMG!
<Fenris> Now she actually goes there regularly to make sure there aren't any new text words that have been searched for
<Fenris> I saw her looking at the site yesterday, and was like, "WTF??"
<Fenris> And she said she was just checking to see what kind of stuff I look at online.
<Fenris> I swear, someday I'm just going to rape that bitch.
<ctone> ...
<ctone> now theres a quote for bash.org
<Fenris> Don't you fucking dare.

#185398 +(2585)- [X]

Mario has joined #teens
<Mario> Hi r there ne hot gurls in here
<Coolguy3432> Sorry Mario, but the Princess is in another chatroom

#185593 +(281)- [X]

<faded> i found a pocket pussy in my cousins room last night
<SpaceGoat> even fat chicks
<SpaceGoat> hahaha
<dfury> hahaha
<faded> so i put it in the dish washer
<faded> to clean it so i could use it
<faded> and it fucking melted

#185611 +(331)- [X]

<whitcomb> there's this thing on the news about what to do if someone cheats on you
<whitcomb> the simple answer, whether this is a relationship or a video game, is to kill them

#186343 +(34)- [X]

<SpAz> watch me rap
<SpAz> <rap>
<SpAz> yo yo yo
<SpAz> nigga bitch hoe
<SpAz> slap fuck bling
<SpAz> bling eskalizzle beeoch
<SpAz> yo
<SpAz> word.
<SpAz> </rap>
* McBilliam applauds
<Wyder> glad to see you listen to music.... (sarcastic)
<SpAz> thank you my record contract is in the mail with def jamz

#186668 +(932)- [X]

<LexMortis> you know what would be nasty?
<LexMortis> if a pack of condoms said "tested on animals"

#186807 +(931)- [X]

<Comatosis> wow this room is empty! we have it all to ourselves :-p
<Alain> yup, just you and me :-)
* Comatosis gets naked
<Alain> uh, my mom is sitting here next to me, i dont want her to think i chat with perverts
* Comatosis put his clothes back on
<Comatosis> sorry

#186873 +(1049)- [X]

<luxe rabbit> did u hear about the 2 guys who robbed a calendar factory?
they each got 6 months
<djmaximus16> hm ?
<djmaximus16> i didn't hear about them
<djmaximus16> what happeend

#187073 +(454)- [X]

<Oceania> you penetrate my mouth
<Oceania> your in-and-outs are furious
<Oceania> sometimes a hair get stuck between my teeth
<Oceania> you always leave that white tasty liquid in my mouth
<Oceania> good ol' toothbrush

#187110 +(1584)- [X]

paper: shit
paper: flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?!
paper: shit i gotta warn bob

#187136 +(757)- [X]

* Eudoxus has joined #math
<Eudoxus> Can anyone help me write 1/(x^2-3x+2) as a power series in x and find its radius of convergence?
<vrover> No
<vrover> But we can give you a lollipop
<vrover> Have a lollipop?

#187228 +(338)- [X]

<Valen> I'm doing a quick essay on differences between genders.  Anyone got any point they think I should make?
<Ten> one has a penis, one has a vagina

#187355 +(1138)- [X]

<Ich> broadband sucks in the sense that goatse loads before i can close the window

#187385 +(845)- [X]

<mizery> woot, I so got owned
<mizery> my laptop is dead
<aabnusar> ?
* aabnusar laughs at mizery
<Rhodz> lol
<Rhodz> LMAO
<Rhodz> omfg
<aabnusar> lol
<Rhodz> wow what a typo to make

#187415 +(2110)- [X]

<g-core> Arnold Schwarzenegger has a long 1, Michael J. Fox has a little one, Madonna doesn't have one and the Pope has one but doesn't use it.  What is it.
<pip> last name
<pip> no wait
<pip> penis

#187498 +(568)- [X]

taz10021: sleeeeep
VindicateD: Writing Paaaaaper
taz100: lol
taz100: you're still awake?
taz100: heh
VindicateD: No...this is the world's smartest away message talking.
VindicateD: ;)
taz100: not if you couldn't figure out that was rhetorical
taz100: ;-)
VindicateD: touche

#187595 +(1183)- [X]

* Snake is now known as Snake|Food
* Magus steals snakes food
* Snake|Food is now known as Snake|
<Magus> lol
<Magus> score!
* Snake| is now known as Snake[[Food]]
<@Snake[[Food]]> it's in a cage
<@Snake[[Food]]> leave alone
<Magus> fux

#187608 +(1041)- [X]

<Kris> fuck!  someone stole all my beer and drank it and left the empties all over my apartment!
<Kris> either that or I now know why I have a headache and no real memory of anything after 21:00

#187661 +(231)- [X]

<_TP_> "My name is Reginald P Linux and ever since my wife died Ive been VERY depressed"
<SanityClause> He should recompile her kernel

#187673 +(129)- [X]

<Rhesirus|Work> yah, i could see how using a code would activate some buggy code that would cause it to malfunction, i don't see any way it could physically damage the media
<Tamutnefret> The special "read CD as if vinyl" code

#187706 +(-71)- [X]

<+nH|BradGTS> canada is like a loft apartment above a really good party
<@TnH|Chick> yeah it is brad, and they're always bitchin

#187846 +(197)- [X]

<aml_> i mean, if you decapitate someone with a sword, it's not fucking ceremonial
<dabblerblue> unless you're the highlander!!

#187922 +(517)- [X]

* sipr has joined #winprog
<sipr> Where can I find information on dynamic data exchange?
<drano> 1994

#187930 +(630)- [X]

Flint62704: Maybe someone should invent floating point D&D
Flint62704: Roll a d[1,6]
Flint62704: I got 4.4546347578554!
Flint62704: Sorry, he still has 0.000002425 hp left
Flint62704: You lose

#187938 +(1233)- [X]

<Fina> After American Idol, they came out with The Sims : Superstar
<Fina> After this Harry Potter crap got popular, they came out with Makin' Magic
<Fina> lol What if next year we get a bunch of WW2 movies?
<Fina> The Sims : Hailin' Hitler

#188022 +(30)- [X]

khoveraki: anyway, Desert Storm is so blank to me
khoveraki: I don't know much about it
khoveraki: did we even finish that one?
Screamer499: Nope.
Screamer499: We stopped when we hit Baghdad
khoveraki: figures
khoveraki: any of our guys still there?
Screamer499: It's the same country we're fighting now, man.
Screamer499: so yeah.
Screamer499: A LOT of our guys are there.

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