#174725 +(222)- [X]
<MST3Claye> there's a site out there that shows people beating super monkey ball levels really really fast.
<Merlin> I plan on setting a new world speed record for Monopoly one of these days...
<Merlin> It's called we sit down, setup the game, I pull a gun and go "look bitches, give me all your money and nobody gets hurt!"
<Merlin> then I take the thimble hostage at the Water Works and force everyone to surrender to me, then I win the game.
<Merlin> I figure my friends suck so much, I could win it in about 30 seconds with that strategy.
#174774 +(167)- [X]
<Calvinosaur> I'm going to ethnically cleanse script kiddies. I'll call it "The Final Solution to the j00ish Problem."
#174916 +(819)- [X]
<Gecko> lmao, my mates download of "master and commander" is infact "anal agency"
<Gecko> wait a minute
<Gecko> this isn't a real agency at all
<Gecko> they're just having sex
<Gecko> i'm suprised this lot ever get any work done
#174943 +(483)- [X]
<elitotaco> this is a new one
<elitotaco> "GROW 3 INCHES OF CHEST HAIR"
#174967 +(1581)- [X]
<Morj|YeozWins> I was once driving along the freeway,and a friend through some garbage out the window, and this lady ran over it
<Morj|YeozWins> So she started chasing us
<Morj|YeozWins> So I started going like 150-180 km/h down the freeway to get away, and she followed me
<Morj|YeozWins> So I eventualyl pulled over, and she gets out of her car and runs up and goes "WHAT THE HELL, WHY WERE YOU DRIVING SO FAST YOU LITTLE ASSHOLE, I HAVE A BABY IN THE CAR YOU KNOW"
#175049 +(176)- [X]
HolaScumbag: GUESS WHAT.
HolaScumbag: my mom bought me a pen...shaped as A DOG!!!
qwerty8447: that must be AWESOME!
HolaScumbag: I KNOW!
qwerty8447: which end do you write with?
#175183 +(-259)- [X]
<zhirinovsky> do you know why old women don't get sex? have you ever tried to peel apart grilled cheese sandwich?
#175605 +(345)- [X]
<DB7> Meat_30: Sex change?
<DB7> Works for me
<DB7> Any hole's a goat
#175675 +(1121)- [X]
<nirgleNap> lol, i just put on Najma as i'm sitting here wiring up a circuit board
<nirgleNap> i realized how "odd" this might look.. having arab music playing as i'm soldering red and green wires to a board full of ICs
#175695 +(840)- [X]
<riffic> its the year 3030
<Mindless> 3030? Shit I'm late for work
#175862 +(581)- [X]
<buggler> nataria you sex machine
<Nataria> buggler im not a sex machine...
<buggler> you're not? prove you're not
<PubiclyRelated> ;p; yeh
<PubiclyRelated> prove it lol
<Nataria> how can i be a sex machine if i havent had sex? O:D
<Nataria> ha i winnnn :D
<buggler> it's like having a cooking machine that hasn't been used, doesn't make it any less a machine
<buggler> you don't win, you lose. My rebuttal is second to none
<Nataria> so im a sex machine waiting to be turned on?
#175886 +(409)- [X]
<sFa-Stryder`mp5> im fucking 96% iq.
#176068 +(229)- [X]
<sekira> it was like 4 PM and my friends grandma msg'd him on aim
<sekira> and she asked if he was still busy doing his homework.
<sekira> I was really bored, so I went on his comp and said "wtf?" and she replied: "wait til five?"
#176076 +(700)- [X]
<Rentasmo> there was a gay guy at a support group I went to who brought a dog in a bag
<Rentasmo> we didn't know he had a dog till he let it out
<Capnplank> did he bring enough for everyone?
<MrConceited> He was gay, not korean
#176156 +(600)- [X]
<Ettin> Still, I thought the war would be over by now.
<Ettin> No country has an infinite supply of suicide bombers.
#176169 +(608)- [X]
<Sarah> the first Matrix was damn nice for an action movie. for an action movie.
<Odin> Corny as hell endings.
<Odin> Someone dies. Hell, let's bring 'em back to life with a kiss, it works in Disney flicks!
<Sarah> Neo kisses Smith?
<Sarah> thanks for spoiling it for me, asstart.
#176176 +(836)- [X]
<Jesus> and i kept getting banned simply becuase i lived in france
#176261 +(951)- [X]
<crfh_> I just witnessed the weirdest threesome ever
<Strangeone> Larry, Moe and Curly?
<Reltzik-CodingForDearLife> .... Ooo..... kay....
<crfh_> My cat, another cat, and a POSSUM
#176311 +(232)- [X]
<Hatamoto> IRC is like one giant round of intellectual bukake ;)
#176477 +(168)- [X]
<Ninja_Cow> I view anal sex like eating cake with your anus.
<Ninja_Cow> It doesn't serve a purpose and it looks disgusting.
#176616 +(67)- [X]
<Esper> And last I checked... IRC is multiplayer notepad... being naked really doesn't matter unless you're REALLY good with ASCII art.
#176622 +(405)- [X]
<n00dle> What do Michael Jackson and a Big Mac have in common?
<n00dle> Both involve 30-year-old meat in between two nine-year-old buns.
#176783 +(1515)- [X]
<King_Kane> So i open a can of pepsi max and i see on the side "Best Before: See base of can" so i turn the can around and i feel a cold chill running down my legs...
#176966 +(403)- [X]
Lckyduck322 : bitch, what the fuck do you want
theonejanitor : how are you
Lckyduck322 : i'm great and you
#177171 +(-26)- [X]
<uber> chill out aj
<AJ2> uber: eat shit
<AJ2> wait, you're asian...you might make a movie out of it :
#177472 +(970)- [X]
<timovgod> Q: How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb?
<timovgod> A: Just one, but it takes the entire emergency room to get it out.
<enaz> did your insurance cover it timovgod?
<timovgod> My car insurance covered it, I said I had I broken tail light.
#177475 +(342)- [X]
<tuckt26> MD = farm land, DC = Gangs and concrete, VA = Wine, music, and the finer qualities of life
<Calisa> And what would OH stand for?
<aeonite> When you put KY in your VA you go OH.
#177484 +(393)- [X]
<+Macolio> I'm just waiting for the day Square will finally come out of the closet and just release an FF with hardcore gay sex between the effeminate leads.
#177548 +(3520)- [X]
<MercyBeat> For those of you planning on seeing the third LOTR movie at the theater her are some survival tips.
<MercyBeat> 1. Stand up halfway through the movie and yell loudly, "Wait... where the hell is Harry Potter?"
<MercyBeat> 2. Block the entrance to the theater while screaming: "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" - After the movie, say "Lucas could have done it better."
<MercyBeat> 3. At some point during the movie, stand up and shout: "I must go! Middle Earth needs me!" and run and try to jump into the screen. After bouncing off, return quietly to your seat.
<MercyBeat> 4. Play a drinking game where you have to take a sip every time someone says: "The Ring."
<MercyBeat> 5. Point and laugh whenever someone dies.
<MercyBeat> 6. Ask the nearest ring-nut if he thinks Gandalf went to Hogwarts
<MercyBeat> 7. Finish off every one of Elrond's lines with "Mr. Anderson."
<MercyBeat> 8. When Aragorn is crowned king, stand up and at the top of your lungs sing, "And I did it.... MY way...!"
<MercyBeat> 9. At the end, complain that Gollum was offensive to Ethiopians
<MercyBeat> 10. Talk like Gollum all through the movie. At the end, bite off someone's finger and fall down the stairs.
<MercyBeat> 11. When Shelob appears, pinch the guy in front of you on the back of the neck.
<MercyBeat> 12. Dress up as old ladies and reenact "The Battle of Helms Deep" Monty Python style.
<MercyBeat> 13. When Denethor lights the fire, shout "Barbecue!"
<MercyBeat> 14. Ask people around you who they think is the next "Terminator" sent from the Middle Earth of the future to assassinate Frodo Baggins
<MercyBeat> 15. In TTT when the Ents decide to march to war, stand up and shout "RUN FOREST, RUN!"
<MercyBeat> 16. Every time someone kills an Orc, yell: "That's what I'm Tolkien about!" See how long it takes before you get kicked out of the theatre.
<MercyBeat> 17. During a wide shot of a battle, inquire, "Where's Waldo?"
<MercyBeat> 18. Talk loudly about how you heard that there is a single frame of a nude Elf hidden somewhere in the movie.
<MercyBeat> 19. Start an Orc sing-a-long.
<MercyBeat> 20. Come to the premiere dressed as Frankenfurter and wander around looking terribly confused.
#177638 +(7659)- [X]
<@AntiHeiss> friend of mine went to jail last night
<@AntiHeiss> he probably isn't getting out for a while
<@AntiHeiss> it was a girl cop, she was pretty cute too
<@AntiHeiss> she said anything you say can and will be held against you....he sat there for a while and said 'tits'
#177698 +(1443)- [X]
<Jaayy-EOC> Yeah.. I stole 5$ from Mike when I was at his house, but the funny thing is he doesn't know.
<Derid-EOC> I do now, you dumbass.
<Jaayy-EOC> Shit. When did you log on?
#177709 +(100)- [X]
<Whilly-D> break a tranny in most cars and its a good 2k
<gasgesgos> break a transvestite in most cars and it's a good 4 years
#177756 +(356)- [X]
<cagan> heh, my little sister bought vice city :)
<spanky> such a cool game
<cagan> i don't think my sister has any intention of completing it
<cagan> she just likes driving around, and occasionally killing people
<spanky> lol, dont we all?
<cagan> she has cars in her garage ... and if they get damage, she carefully drives to a paint place, then keeps going in and out till its a colour she approves off
#177850 +(689)- [X]
<kiwi> once i skipped
<Alby_Fox> she has no idea when she'll have a period
<kiwi> my mom thought i was pregnant
<Proffessor> that's gotta be some scary shit
<kiwi> but at the time i'd never even kissed a guy =D
<Proffessor> it was the next coming of jesus.... but, nooooooo, you had to play with the coathanger
#177873 +(125)- [X]
<cochese04> I find it incredibly amusing how my parents refer to transmission fluid as "tranny fluid".
#177886 +(2222)- [X]
<@Gandalf> Recent scientific study found that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.
<@Gandalf> For instance, if she is ovulating she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.
<@Gandalf> And if she is menstruating, she is likely to prefer a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors shoved deep into his temple and a cricket stump jammed up his arse
#177927 +(50)- [X]
<Beerman> D-Ness: are you on broadband?
<D-Ness> I'm on a java thingy
#177969 +(-926)- [X]
(Ninja_Mo) definition of irony"
(Ninja_Mo) <Oedipus> Sup mofo?
#178050 +(510)- [X]
<@SPo0n> this morning my mate said he likes the word "cock" because it "rolls off the tongue"
#178102 +(1893)- [X]
<eric> awright spam u can use
<eric> "Like to see hot jizz spit all over an unsuspecting teen's face? These young teen girls love taking hot cum right in the face."
<eric> DAD CAN I GO TO THE MALL I NEED SOME NEW BARETTES AND %(#*&%!( HOLY GOD
#178226 +(652)- [X]
<ugly> haikus are so gay
<ugly> they are just shitty poems
<ugly> invented by japs
#178285 +(1433)- [X]
<Skizot> my boss is a moron
<Skizot> he walked in an i had left mirc open
<Skizot> he asked what it was...
<Berry2K> bussiness relations?
<Skizot> i told him a new support program by microsoft
<Skizot> he says" do i need it"
<Skizot> i told him no... it's for really techincal people and n00bs
<Skizot> he asks what's a n00b
<Skizot> i told him that's what they call microsoft programmers
#178383 +(645)- [X]
<|NEO|> and she was sucking it so hard the sheets were going up my ass
#178668 +(1072)- [X]
<pr00f> Tendency's chatroom inaction
<pr00f> is due to a pleasant distraction.
<pr00f> she finds it quite grand
<pr00f> to type with one hand,
<pr00f> in search of her own satisfaction!
#178791 +(-171)- [X]
<+kyo> meixcans are quiet fancy in tehir names, are teh not?
<@Squirrel> their names make less sense than anyone else's
<@Squirrel> it's like
<@Squirrel> MIGUEL OF THE CROSS
<+rutabaga> its compensation for their non fancyness in baithing
<+rutabaga> and general hygine
#178794 +(647)- [X]
<VolteFace> heh, this SNL is like a mirror
<VolteFace> they're making MJ child molestation jokes and how the president can't read
<VolteFace> and it's from 1993
#178825 +(516)- [X]
<froody> yeah but if you had a mac it would be like "Rip. Mix. Burn"(TM)
<Rafterman> if you had linux it'd be "rip, crash, download, tar, make, make install, curse, hack, make, rip, mix, crash, download, etc, etc..."
<Rafterman> but it'd be free!
#178890 +(15251)- [X]
*** Now talking in #christian
-Word_of_God- Welcome Abstruse to #christian I am a Bible Bot. For more info type: /msg Word_of_God !info
<Abstruse> !kjv numbers 22:21
<Word_of_God> Numbers 22:21 -- And Balaam rose up in the morning, and saddled his ass, and went with the princes of Moab. - (KJV)
*** SageRider sets mode: +b *!*@c211-30-208-111.rivrw3.nsw.optusnet.com.au
*** Word_of_God was kicked from #christian by SageRider (Please dont Swear)
<Abstruse> I know I'm never going to be able to come back in this channel again after this, but damn was it worth it to see that...
#179036 +(1026)- [X]
<Ghoulem> I think Grand Theft Auto 3 gives a wrong impression of how the world really is.
<Eclipse> Because of all the violence?
<Ghoulem> No, Because of all the black people driving Ferraris.
#179132 +(1906)- [X]
<KevM> quit the farcical shenanigans you duncical misrepresentation of a homo sapien
<andycode> I find your misanthropic antics most ironic in their malevolent disposition.
<andycode> Moreover, the mere implications of your pathetic facade is illigitimate in its duplicitious atrocity.
<KevM> your virulent discourse is quite misguided in it's underhanded attempts to slight me
<Khross> And you're fat.