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#163052 +(338)- [X]

<@NullC> LOL. so some 18yr chickie that I talk to just called aol support for
         some dumb ass problem.. and now the AOL support guy is IMing her and
         talking dirty to her and she's freaked out.

#163084 +(585)- [X]

<Moe_Rahn> Hey, I actually got mail at 1:40!
<Moe_Rahn> Spam mail, but still.
<MagFire> i didn't even get that
<Moe_Rahn> Haha.
<Moe_Rahn> I'm more specialer.
<Moe_Rahn> All the recently legal 18-year-olds are after my wang, apparently.
<Moe_Rahn> If this many teens were after me in high school, I'd still be there.
<MagFire> I'm still pretty excited about the potential for getting a larger fckstck and bigger boobs
<Moe_Rahn> If everyone responded to those ads, we'd all be walking about with 8-mile-long cocks and like size 88ZZZ breasts.
<Moe_Rahn> Those inches would add up...
<Moe_Rahn> Three inches here, five there, and all of a sudden, WHAM! Mr. Happy's a frickin' behemoth!
<MagFire> I don't think I would want like a 14 inch cock, personally.
<Moe_Rahn> It's odd, though... you always get mail about increasing penis length, but never penis girth.
<Moe_Rahn> What good is 14 inches or 3 feet or whatever if it's got no girth to back it up...?
<MagFire> what good is 14 inches or 3 feet if you don't have a warm place to put it?
<MagFire> =)
<Moe_Rahn> Point made.
<Moe_Rahn> You could like put it through a person.
<Moe_Rahn> Or you could be a dancer, I guess.
<Moe_Rahn> Some people might pay money to see a 3 foot cock.
<MagFire> You'd probably be pretty popular in porn
<MagFire> but seriously...how would you even WALK with a 3 foot penis?
<Moe_Rahn> Yeah.
<Moe_Rahn> You'd have to get like a sheath for it.
<MagFire> rofl
<Moe_Rahn> But, would it be 3 feet up or down?
<Moe_Rahn> That could make a difference.
<MagFire> Okay, this conversation is finished.
<Moe_Rahn> Okay... boy, the shit you think of at 2 AM.
<Moe_Rahn> So... um...
<Moe_Rahn> How 'bout them Rams?
<MagFire> I dunno. How 'bout them?
<Moe_Rahn> I dunno either... I was trying to make non-penis-related conversation.

#163086 +(294)- [X]

<FrostyNerv> when building a pc whats the name of that anti static wrist band thing?
<Darkcyde> an anti-static wristband?

#163131 +(1107)- [X]

(@ThinG|webbing) how do I zoom in with internet explorer?
(+|Sonic) move your face closer to the screen

#163169 +(561)- [X]

<Time With A Wounded Hand> I'm downloading Naked Pictures Of Your Mother
<Jax184> great
<Jax184> shes 56
<Jax184> but whatever floats your boat
<Time With A Wounded Hand> It's a song.
<Time With A Wounded Hand> Electric Six - Naked Pictures Of Your Mother

#163301 +(9186)- [X]

<BigBurk> God i really cant stand windows me
<Felacio> heh i know. i moved to win2k
* Felacio sucks huge cock
<Felacio> errr ME, not /me

#163311 +(630)- [X]

<tfg> fuck
<tfg> I need my copy of photoshop
<tfg> Cant find the fucking cd :/
<tfg> This chick who lives not far from me want a picture
<tfg> And I need to take the swastica off my forehead

#163333 +(1616)- [X]

<ignatios> synchronised swimming mang
<Schatten> ok
<ignatios> _o>
<Schatten> _o>
<ignatios> <o_
<paranoid> <o_
<Schatten> <o_
<ignatios> o/
<paranoid> o/
<Schatten> o/
<ignatios> <o>
<paranoid> <o>
<paranoid> ~~~~~~~~~~~<o/~~~~~~~~ HOLY SHIT I CAN'T SWIM
<ignatios> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~/~~~~~~~~~
<ignatios> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#163341 +(832)- [X]

<SheepyMuttonChops> Some kids in the UK were rushed to the hospital after taking viagra at their lunch period.
<SheepyMuttonChops> The Sun newspaper quoted a source at the school as saying: "By the time the afternoon lessons began, there was no hiding what they had done."
<SheepyMuttonChops> Haha best line ever.

#163425 +(841)- [X]

<bobob> um, any grammar nazi's want to help me out with something?
<Emma> yeah, no apostrophe in nazis ;)

#163457 +(335)- [X]

<ILikeBush> its sad though, to see so many blind eyes.  Jesus' light is greater than anything you'll ever find here on Earth.
<Proz> Well I met Jesus, he made me a taco.

#163510 +(508)- [X]

<Foxxz> my dixie wrecked
<DrYcElL> ???
<Foxxz> say it out loud
<DrYcElL> ????????????????????????????????/
<Foxxz> yell it
<Foxxz> nah dude, u gotta yell it rl
<DrYcElL> I did
<DrYcElL> my cuz looked at me funny

#163584 +(1611)- [X]

<AL> Two families move from Pakistan to America.
<AL> When they arrive the two fathers make a bet - in a year's time whichever family has become more American will win.
<AL> A year later they meet again:The first man says, "My son is playing baseball, I had McDonalds for breakfast and I'm on my way to pick up a case of Bud, how about you?"
<AL> The second man replies, "Fuck you, towelhead."

#163716 +(232)- [X]

<Ted> I'd like something to open the damn door automatically.
<bernard> A negro?
<Ted> That would take up too much room in the undersized bathroom here.
<bernard> Gary Coleman?

#164094 +(3396)- [X]

<Jaayy> I like my coffee the way I like my niggers.
<Naive-EOC> Dead?
<Derid-EOC> In the Field?
<Ball-licker> In jail?
<Humur> Killing each other?
<Naive-EOC> Stealing?
<Sailym> Covered in blood?
<Humur> 5$ a piece?
<Derid-EOC> Stupid?
<Jaayy> ...

#164246 +(585)- [X]

<DJCubby> those nintendo songs are apparently done by New Tokyo Philharmonic
<DJCubby> I think
<SomeGuy> The Old Tokyo Philharmonic missed a beat and they all commited seppuku.

#164446 +(371)- [X]

<organicintelligencebody> they probably have practice at it
<organicintelligencebody> like those telemarketers that have answers for anything you can possibly say
<justin> they do not
<justin> tell them you don't have a phone

#164514 +(1056)- [X]

<dnc> yesterday ivana had some friends over, and they were flicking through the tv channels, and accidentally hit the input selector - and got the pc tv out input... and spent like 30 minutes watching me play halo thinking it was a tv show
<dnc> glad i wasnt looking at hardcore pr0n

#164573 +(949)- [X]

<Angst> I don't see why you can't just get a paintball mask, dress up in green, and grab a shotgun
<Angst> plenty of demons to blast the 31st
<oobey> there's something funny about the idea of going around as stealthy as possible with a paintball gun on Halloween playing real life doom against 5 year olds
<oobey> now now
<oobey> kids dont respawn in real life
<Angst> yeah they do
<Angst> it just takes 9+ months

#164580 +(455)- [X]

<PufPufPaz> hugo: you were kidding about marrying a 19/f/ca right?
<hugo> PufPufPaz: Um.. actually, no, and she's a bisexual vegetarian pagan to boot.
<hugo> My life is weird.
<PufPufPaz> hugo: sounds more interesting than weird.
<hugo> PufPufPaz: May I /msg you? It's complicated. :)
<PufPufPaz> hugo: yeh hope is not for heart related matters, i suck at that
<hugo> Nah, it's just that I met Kate in a chat-room
<hugo> and now she's sitting 10 feet away and we sometimes go into the same chat room and chat w/ everyone.
<PufPufPaz> whats wrong with that?
* hugo smiles
<hugo> My wife is doing an impression of 2 parrots having sex.
* hugo shudders
<hugo> brb
<steltek> Is she involving you in that emulation? If not, you should ask her to demonstrate. :)
<hugo> PufPufPaz: That's not the half of it. She bought one of those  make-your-own-dildo kits because she wanted her best friend to have a 'copy' of me
<PufPufPaz> hugo: tmi
<hugo> but you gotta trim your..um.. before you use the mould
<hugo> so I got this .. thing stuck on me. Looked like I was a human candle.
<PufPufPaz> hugo: really, tmi
<steltek> LOL
<Ralinx> lmao
<hugo> I'll never be able to eat oatmeal again :-/

#164604 +(337)- [X]

<Rephren> lol yesterday at work a customer asked for mango juice but i seriouisly thought she said mancake and so i repeatedit to her, sorry was that.. mancake? she looked at me strangely and then said MANGO and i walked away feeling like a dumbass

#164609 +(437)- [X]

<Legendre> I got two spams today - one for weight loss, and one for penile enlargement. I relplied to both, with cc: and asked if they could work something out to transfer my extra weight to my johnson.

#164979 +(266)- [X]

<Ice_Dragon> microsoft will always be around
<Ice_Dragon> I got news for you, Raede
<Ice_Dragon> when the nuclear weapons kill mankind and the cockroaches mutate into giants
<Ice_Dragon> they'll be using windows
<Ice_Dragon> cockroach windows

#164986 +(1016)- [X]

<mikeD> ya i got into a fight im so pissed....
<abrutii> well... did you win?
<mikeD> no but i got a good hit in
<abrutii> ya? thats good, where did you hit him?
<mikeD> i hit his hand with my eye
<abrutii> lmfao

#165044 +(750)- [X]

<Skye_Alpha> Warning: This has caused an illegal operation and will shut down. This happened because you were about to save your work, and we can't have that.

#165082 +(1116)- [X]

<Sai> Sometimes I threaten to black male my sister

#165207 +(333)- [X]

<PitChic> here, i'm sure the women at those phone places will talk to men or women..anyone paying.
<Marcus``> horses... farm animals
<Jadralec> Marcus you mean that in USA you can call horse on phone for animal sex ??
<Jadralec> that's amazing
<Jadralec> we are far behind

#165227 +(266)- [X]

<+perl> nerve trauma to the arm is nice
<+sm4k[X-D]> sounds like it
<+perl> im just happy i can still use my hand
<+[TC]Quicksilver> Yeah, I bet your penis is too

#165238 +(551)- [X]

(token_nrg): btw, I made some kind of statement last nite about Domino's Philly Cheesesteak pizza rox0r'ing.
(token_nrg): I would like to retract that statement if possible
(token_nrg): My anus thanks you
(token_nrg): and good nite

#165596 +(375)- [X]

<Gothic> I put my PS2 in the microwave, and I ended up in the future

#165606 +(222)- [X]

<GimpyMcsquibble>I wonder if there have ever been 2 30 yr old guys, both pretending to be gay young boys, who wanted to meet another gay young boy, and they met, and were like sheeit man

#165649 +(1023)- [X]

<0dan0> and I am simulating california in my own room
<0dan0> I have the humidifier going onto my heater, creating a warm front
<0dan0> then the window is opening letting in the cold dry air, creating a cold front
<0dan0> soon there will be precipitation as the warm air mass is forced to rise by the denser cold air
<0dan0> and my room will be a tropical rainforest
<cran> or it will be a room full of tepid air and one dumb homo

#165664 +(417)- [X]

<~DarkStar> I had sex with your mother last night
<~DarkStar> *my

#165669 +(255)- [X]

mr_eh: what looks better on a degree
mr_eh: Pasquale Mosso
mr_eh: Pasquale J Mosso
mr_eh: Pasquale Joseph Mosso
mr_eh: i think just the J
acquacow: thats your name?
acquacow: no wonder people hate you
mr_eh: =(

#165680 +(504)- [X]

<nummish> your loss.. raver girls dressed as cats
<nummish> strung out on every chemical known to man
<nummish> what more could you ask for? really?
<sheizkopft> an STD test?

#165682 +(365)- [X]

<_sdc_-> ok, so yeah. i think i set a new land speed record for killing hard drives.
<_sdc_-> it's fucked, and i have a lot of data to back up.
<_sdc_-> like 80 gigs or so.
<qDotWork> Ever thought about just like, writing everything down on paper?
<qDotWork> It's only 80,000,000,000 or so bytes.
<_sdc_-> yeah, those mp3s will sound great on a nice legal pad.
<qDotWork> Winamp for the mind, man.

#165684 +(787)- [X]

<CharlieB> and nah, I'm trying to get fbsd to see my mp3 player
<CharlieB> and the batteries just died
<w32nachi> CharlieB: pitty... it would've been a more entertaining story if it had involved a dildo...
<CharlieB> fair enough
<CharlieB>  I'm trying to get fbsd to see my usb dildo
<w32nachi> excellent...
<CharlieB> and the batteries just died
<w32nachi> ...so, do you program in sound effects, motion patterns, or something else?
<CharlieB> lol
<CharlieB> yeah.. it has a built in mp3 player
<w32nachi> wow... that's some vibrator!
<w32nachi> is it the iCock, from apple?
<BalDown> no, it's made by M$ and defaults to giving it to you up the ass...

#165747 +(1890)- [X]

<Ettin>  Because If sdib f
<Ettin>  FUCK
<Ettin>  I just fell out of my chair

#165759 +(1452)- [X]

<MattLing> I just had a genius idea
<MattLing> DVD rewinders
<MattLing> it spins and whirrs and stupid people buy them

#165768 +(771)- [X]

<Galoot> Jesus! Stupid kids. It's always "Daddy, please spend time with us. Daddy, we love you. Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!" Don't they realize I'm in a chatroom?

#165823 +(1389)- [X]

Steganos128: Have you ever had anal sex?
BigFatJeffK: um . . . dude . . . i'm in the middle of giving a presentation at work.  real nice.

#165870 +(547)- [X]

<VolteFace> heh, an idiot in my art class today tried to stab someone with a pencil
<VolteFace> so he grabbed the guys arm
<VolteFace> and swings

#165927 +(459)- [X]

<Calisa> Remember when you'd go to those big wooden playgrounds, where everything is connected? They had those platforms that shook.
<Calisa> You tried to stay the hell on while your dad shook it violently.
<aeonite> That's not a playground toy. that's child abuse.

#166078 +(1432)- [X]

<Elzie_Ann> I love how God tries to mass murder the Israelites like a million times in exodus
<Elzie_Ann> And Moses has to calm him down every time
<Elzie_Ann> <God> ARGH MUST KILL MY PEOPLE WHO SUCK <Moses> Wait they didn't mean it  <God> k but next time they're dying. <Moses> Dammit guys, stop pissing God off

#166147 +(230)- [X]

<maskedferret> didnt know you could install XP on a car
<RRA-[[LuCkY]]> actually, its called Windows CP
<RRA-[[LuCkY]]> for cars.
<maskedferret> i'd hate to see it crash

#166321 +(387)- [X]

<GladX> holy
<Azhrarn> moly
<GladX> a cloud just flew into my house
<GladX> !!!
<@sdodson> cloud?
<Azhrarn> we call that "fog"
<GladX> yes, one of those white puffy things
<TheWeasel> neat.
<GladX> my house was experiencing turbulence!
<TheWeasel> invite it to have coffee.
<Azhrarn> poke it with a stick!
<Azhrarn> A POKING stick!
<@sdodson> Are you atop something tall enough to put you up where clouds live?
<GladX> Azhrarn: it was a cloud
* TheWeasel sics Mr. Madsen on Azhrarn.
<GladX> either it was a cloud or a new string of attack fog
<TheWeasel> maybe it was car exhaust.
<GladX> strain
<GladX> there goes another one
<GladX> i'm watching clouds zip by my house!
<TheWeasel> take pictures.
<Azhrarn> Mmm... Attack Fog
<@sdodson> It was a cloud!!!! 
* sdodson giggles
<Azhrarn> What will the Russians come up with next?

#166329 +(683)- [X]

<Anarky> What's the best thing about twenty-eight-year-olds?
<Timofee> Dunno?
<Anarky> There's twenty of them dude

#166363 +(619)- [X]

<Enigma> Anyone know what resolution our eyes run at?

#166386 +(1045)- [X]

<@FirebirdGM> I just called my Futureshop and asked them how much a 20 GB Hard drive weighed when it was full with information, compared to when it was empty.
<@FirebirdGM> The guy that was on the phone told me that it was only a few pounds difference.
<@FirebirdGM> And that's why I don't shop at futureshop.
<%Physic3> I think their bullshit factor is the best though. No matter how absurd your question may be, they always give an answer.
<@Firebird> Lol, I should call again and be like 'uhh, yes. I just bought a New ACIT BIOS and my UDP Packets are being Tracert'd by my UNIX Box without my Fortran application being applied to all outgoing UDP and TCP packets. My Ping never is like that, why?!"
<@Firebird> He would probably be like 'Yes'.

#166427 +(1109)- [X]

<@Infinik> Hehe.
<@Infinik> I just took a call for the Samaritans
<@Infinik> Our phone numbers are one number apart
<@Infinik> So this guy was talking to me about some charity shit
<@Infinik> And I interrupted him
<@Infinik> "Would you excuse me for a moment?" "Sure." "HEY JULIO! I SAID DON'T LET THE JEWISH KIDS IN WITH THE HUMAN KIDS YOU SON OF A BITCH!"
<@Infinik> He hung up :)

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