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#151284 +(528)- [X]

<Bob_Haut> Don't call them Broads
<Bob_Haut> Bitches HATE that!

#151295 +(250)- [X]

<endura> winme is like wrapping ur penis in pink saran wrap and dipping it in melted crayons, then in a freezer and shattering it with a brick

#151296 +(1243)- [X]

<mystican> my sister gave me some socks and they say on them "too much wiggling of your joystick makes your eyes go funny"
<endura> myst u should use those socks as wank socks
<endura> then when they are orange make ur sister wash them
<DooMWiz> orange??

#151697 +(711)- [X]

<arteh|ZzZz> lolly! @ 70s porn site
<Squid0x> I REALLY hope you mean the 1970s

#151861 +(8057)- [X]

-[Conroy_Bumpus]- OH FUCK ME
-[Conroy_Bumpus]- I FORGOT TO PICK UP MY 7 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER FROM SOCCER PRACTICE
-[Conroy_Bumpus]- 9 HOURS AGO
-[Conroy_Bumpus]- HOLY SHIT
-[Conroy_Bumpus]- BYE

#152037 +(3462)- [X]

<dm> I discovered that you'd never get an answer to a problem from Linux Gurus by asking. You have to troll in order for someone to help you with a Linux problem.
<dm> For example, I didn't know how to find files by contents and the man pages were way too confusing. What did I do? I knew from experience that if I just asked, I'd be told to read the man pages even though it was too hard for me.
<dm> Instead, I did what works. Trolling. By stating that Linux sucked because it was so hard to find a file compared to Windows, I got every self-described Linux Guru around the world coming to my aid. They gave me examples after examples of different ways to do it. All this in order to prove to everyone that Linux was better.
* ion has quit IRC (Ping timeout)
<dm> brings a tear to my eye... :') so true..
<dm> So if you're starting out Linux, I advise you to use the same method as I did to get help. Start the sentence with "Linux is gay because it can't do XXX like Windows can". You will have PhDs running to tell you how to solve your problems.
<dm> this person must be a kindred spirit of mine

#152138 +(206)- [X]

* Suzzie just learned the term "donkey punch"
<Suzzie> the question is, why is it listed in the "sports" category

#152355 +(513)- [X]

<xcham> what I love is how leonardo never manages to stab anyone.
<grassmunk> so you believe the part about fucking turtles living on pizza and standing 5 feet tall but the guy with swords doesnt stab anyone and it ruins the realite for you
<grassmunk> heh
<Kris> lol

#152384 +(447)- [X]

<FrankFlyNess> she still sits next to me in spanish
<FrankFlyNess> we pass notes
<FrankFlyNess> its almost like cybering

#152400 +(860)- [X]

<Weiki> sex is icky
<Weiki> when you have it all too much.
<Weiki> You'll get to the point where youll actually want a pizza over sex, at least for me anyways.
<BrianJohnson> I bet people in Ethiopa want pizza over sex
<BrianJohnson> They must have sex an awful lot
<Lanus> Let them suck you off, and solve two problems at once!
<Novasol> That's quite possibly the most disturbing solution for ending world hunger I've heard yet.

#152424 +(1032)- [X]

KitterLittie> Man, this sucks
KitterLittie> I just sat down to poo, but before I even sit down I hear this big *KERSPLOOOSH!*
KitterLittie> So I'm all freaked out, wondering how that happened, I jump and turn around...
KitterLittie> Turns out that I forgot I had the TV remote in my back pocket before I took my pants down :(

#152578 +(800)- [X]

—› join: (RIAArep) (LucerinRd@128.163.205.182)
(+Xelopheri) ::: Metallica - The Call of Ktulu : 8:53 : 128kbps : Joint Stereo :::.
(+Xelopheri) oh shit!

#152727 +(616)- [X]

Steve: so, why don't you just have anal sex with your ex?
Felix: I... can't afford that much lube?
Felix: I don't like making girls cry?
Felix: I don't like washing bloody sheets?
Felix: I couldn't deal with someone shitting on my dick.
Steve: well, technically..
Steve: they're not shitting your dick, you're dicking their shit.

#152737 +(2575)- [X]

<J-dogg> Your pretty funny
<DirtyKate> I don't remember you.. but thanx
<J-dogg> Wanna cyber?
<DirtyKate> OK, but don't tell anybody (wink)
<DirtyKate> Who are you?
<J-dogg>  I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot.
<J-dogg> And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's
<DirtyKate> You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..
<J-dogg> Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's and make an order
<DirtyKate> Haha! OK
<DirtyKate> Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with sauce.
<J-dogg> Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's, how may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you would make your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?
<DirtyKate> I want everything, baby!
<J-dogg> Is this a delivery?
<DirtyKate> Umm...Yes
<DirtyKate> So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home alone... and I think I'll take a shower...
<J-dogg> Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I'll drive to your house.

<DirtyKate> Jdogg, I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!
<J-dogg> You can't hurry good pizza.
<J-dogg> I'm on my way now though

<DirtyKate> So you're at my front door now.
<J-dogg> How did you know?
<J-dogg> I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee table.
<J-dogg> Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza oven
<DirtyKate> Oooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold. Warm me up baby
<J-dogg> So you're still in the bathroom?
<DirtyKate> Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.
<J-dogg> I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door....
<DirtyKate> wtf?
<DirtyKate> You perverted piece of shiat
<DirtyKate> Fuk

#152835 +(499)- [X]

<Murdoc> sometimes i wonder if the fig leaf on Eve's twat is actually an air freshener

#152844 +(506)- [X]

ThatIsDamnGood: Stupidity is an inexhaustible natural resource
ThatIsDamnGood: Someday we'll learn to generate electrical power from it
ThatIsDamnGood: And it will change the world

#153171 +(573)- [X]

<zamros> moose i am going to kick you in the groin until the only thing you have there is a bloodied mass of pulp
<Mooseka> HAHA, YOU'RE TOO LATE

#153172 +(1619)- [X]

RogueRed1: you dumb
RogueRed1: your*
Xaimus: NOT MUCH BETTER

#153216 +(480)- [X]

(Antti): [Receiving] Colorful_-_08.avi (67.3MB) from Uraschlafen at 1B/s, 22% (15.4MB) done, 89wks 6days 7hrs 45mins 28secs remaining

#153225 +(1134)- [X]

[Doctahluuuvvv] ::  I just got fucking attacked my a huge ass spider.
[Doctahluuuvvv] ::  *by
[Doctahluuuvvv] ::  I looked up to see this huge spider on my monitor.
[Kendros]@::  lmao
[Doctahluuuvvv] ::  THE MOTHERFUCKER JUMPED ONTO MY FACE
[Doctahluuuvvv] ::  I FELL OVER BACKWARD
[Doctahluuuvvv] ::  As I was typing randmo gibberish I hit ctrlatldel two times or something.
[Doctahluuuvvv] ::  My computer was off after I killed it.
[boner] ::  nice
[Doctahluuuvvv] ::  Nice my ass.
[Doctahluuuvvv] ::  I punched myself in the face :/

#153226 +(639)- [X]

<Hidden_7> MOTHERFUCKING COMPUTER
<Hidden_7> it is an expensive piece of hardware
<Hidden_7> I've poured my heart, my soul, my LIFE into this bitch
<Hidden_7> and it won't fucking give up the goods
<Hidden_7> so fucking like a chick it's not EVEN funny

#153491 +(212)- [X]

<Black_Moons> Well, as I see it, if they start doing geeky things like play chess they might wanna do other geeky things.. like doing geeks.

#153494 +(352)- [X]

<_Godless_> other night, was fucking hella drunk
<_Godless_> next day I'm thirsty and I see a cup and I'm thinking alright. I got that before I went to bed last night. Water on
<_Godless_> well the first sip tasted funny, like it was watered down really bitter beer
<_Godless_> then the second time I started thinking wtf, did I drop a fucking tylenol in it when I was hungover in the morning
<_Godless_> well I finaly decide to get up and change the water .. that's when I notice the nice yellow hue
<ravnus> rofl
<_Godless_> I just hope it was mine >_<

#153512 +(307)- [X]

<lech> if i want a 3d file browser, i might as well have a bfg and some monsters to shoot
<Wevah> word
<antiuser> shoot the file you want to open
<Wevah> instead of "rm -rf file" you shoot it with the railgun!
<lech> yeah, then the fun is over
<lech> "I BEAT MY FILE SYSTEM!"

#153519 +(1533)- [X]

<{eCholaLia}> u know if u have a 56k modem , u can save time buy d/lin songs with the smallest amount of bitrate and changing em after wards with a convertor
<Natus> i think you may be legally retarded

#153529 +(328)- [X]

<BobXP> imagine if computers were like genes
<BobXP> they'd all be different and not quite work right
<@backdrifts> computers like genes / defective and failure prone / dude, you got a Dell
<@backdrifts> computers like girls / nice curvaceous money traps / dude, you got a Mac

#153553 +(244)- [X]

<KoNrAdEk> in november turn 21
<KoNrAdEk> so 16 pretty young for me
<spoko_bre> true true
<spoko_bre> but 16 is the freshest u can get without getting g-lined from society
<KoNrAdEk> yea thats true
<KoNrAdEk> but parents could try to give me ban -noexpire
<KoNrAdEk> but i just see her on the other channel
<KoNrAdEk> and baaaaaaaang
<spoko_bre> hahahah
<spoko_bre> yes!
<spoko_bre> sneaky cunt
<spoko_bre> give parents trojan
<spoko_bre> and u can sneak into the house
<spoko_bre> and fuck daughter
<KoNrAdEk> yes x
<KoNrAdEk> hahahhahahahaa
<spoko_bre> and then sneak out
<KoNrAdEk> get her pregnant
<KoNrAdEk> and change nicks
<KoNrAdEk> no1 will kno its me

#153623 +(365)- [X]

<rdragon> command.com was the filename of the shell in dos
<ih8uungr8> oh i see its on the internet
<@PMP> What does the internet have to do with any of this?
<ih8uungr8> for www.command.com
<rdragon> *slaps his forehead*
<@PMP> Oh god
<ih8uungr8> how do you type
<ih8uungr8> i tried making it fullscreen but that doesnt work

#153638 +(929)- [X]

<Ironfrost> IRC does something to people
<Ironfrost> if Steven Hawkings went onto IRC he would be talking about porn within 10 minutes

#153676 +(554)- [X]

<Mr_Vain> that reminds me of an anti-abortion sticker I saw once: "Being a former fetus, I'm against abortion."
<TheXPhial> being a former one celled organism, I'm against menstruation..not much I can do about it

#153683 +(490)- [X]

<ChrisV82> If you're hiking and you get lost, can't you just eat your own semen for a week?
<ChrisV82> I mean, it has no nutritional value, but at least you'll be masturbating

#153728 +(260)- [X]

<Shadowline> ya know....begging for ops is rude
<acquacow> heh
<acquacow> well, I got my HL key and q3 key from you
<acquacow> I just figured =)
<acquacow> if I'm gonna whore it
<acquacow> I might as well go all the way

#153819 +(739)- [X]

<Quizical[GSF]> I am considering changing all the voice files in Half Life to wavs of women orgasming
<TheMaestro> hehe
<Doc|KillinReds> HAHAHAHA
<Quizical[GSF]> I'd never stop using the scientists
<TheMaestro> hahahah
<Doc|KillinReds> Hell the first 15 minute of the game would be crazy
<TheMaestro> ALRIGHT, I GOT THE SHOTGUN!  DIE HEADCRAB!  OHH, UHH, OHHH OH OH OHHHHHHHHHH
<Quizical[GSF]> "We might stand a better chance if we OHHH!  OOHH GOD!  OOHH GOD YES!"
<Spankz> It'd be pretty damn hilarous, considering the lip synching software would cause moments when the scientits would just open up like goatse.

#153841 +(3193)- [X]

Girl: i like falling asleep with cold pillows by the way
  SkibblesMcCheese: That's nice
  SkibblesMcCheese: I like bunnies and marshmallows
  Girl: well, i'm just lettin ya know so that you can have some cold ones ready for me after our extensive sex fest
  Girl: i figured you'd be polite and do that for me
  Girl: haha
  SkibblesMcCheese: What am I supposed to do, put them in the fridge?
  Girl: no, i usually stick mine in the freezer right before i go to bed
  SkibblesMcCheese: Seriously?
  Girl: for real
  SkibblesMcCheese: That just bgave me a stiffie
  Girl: hehe
  Girl: why?
  SkibblesMcCheese: I don't know... just imaging you sticking a pillow in the freezer... it just kinda made me hard, that's all
  Girl: bending over to stick it in the freezer?
  SkibblesMcCheese: Uhhh... yeah! That was it
  Girl: what would u do if you came upon a scene such as that?
  SkibblesMcCheese: Do you have clothes on in this scene?
  Girl: hrmmm...
  Girl: that's a good question
  Girl: but... that's up to you
  SkibblesMcCheese: So no
  SkibblesMcCheese: In which case, I would build a campfire and roast some of those marshmallows
  SkibblesMcCheese: It would get pretty chilly with that freezer open
  Girl: shaddup!!
  Girl: i wanted u to like, come up behind me and grab my hips and just pull me back into u with ur dick hardening against me... but hell, if you wanna make fucking marshmallows... i suppose i can settle for that
  SkibblesMcCheese: I really like marshmallows

#153941 +(818)- [X]

<Macolio> shaid: like last time, I helped scrybe do his chemestry assignment, even though I had no idea what I was doing. Because that's just the type of person I am.
<Shaid> and he failed.
<Macolio> that's irrelevant

#154038 +(236)- [X]

!ˇ Join: (Kiwi) (nama@AC866DE5.ipt.aol.com)
(Kiwi): so wet...
(Kiwi): so juicy....
(Kiwi): so moist...
(Kiwi): mmm...Kiwi
! @S73pH4n|3|Domestic_Warrior poops on kiwi
(@S73pH4n|3|Domestic_Warrior): oh pardon me
(@S73pH4n|3|Domestic_Warrior): was that an aol user?
(Kiwi): yes, yes it was
(@S73pH4n|3|Domestic_Warrior): oopsie
(Kiwi): AOL is the #1 ISP provider
(Kiwi): respect
(@S73pH4n|3|Domestic_Warrior): you should be very proud of yourself
(@S73pH4n|3|Domestic_Warrior): "so easy, no wonder it's #1 among the people who can't tie their own shoe laces"

#154042 +(565)- [X]

Nezzie:  dude
Nezzie:  this is not cool
Nezzie:  my dealer/cousin got busted
Nezzie:  with fucking 5 pounds + intent to sell
Nezzie:  thats up to 48 years and prison
Nezzie:  A FEDERAL prision
Nezzie:  a federal-pound-me-in-the-ass prison
Nezzie:  and now i dont have a good dealer.

#154043 +(1136)- [X]

<Poo> norp I will scan you now
<norp> poo so what ports do i have open?
<Poo> I am not looking at ports I am looking at services
<lukeiyo-e> i've run a scan on both of you... i'm not detecting girlfriends

#154048 +(283)- [X]

<alpha0> dude i shoot smack every day
<alpha0> i am so far from being a drug wuss
<mEta> shooting smakc is for gays
<alpha0> well
<alpha0> considering im now gay
<alpha0> i guess it isnt
<alpha0> not
<alpha0> *
<alpha0> fuck
<alpha0> :(

#154049 +(110)- [X]

<amped> ok guys, i'm back
<lodg> im sure u were doing something important like watching ppl party from ur window

#154053 +(218)- [X]

<Orig> twelve monkeys pissed me off
<Orig> there were no monkeys

#154064 +(967)- [X]

<DetectiveThorn> I don't know if I want to buy this laptop on ebay.  It was "REARELY USED."
<lerpiedood> lmao

#154330 +(2053)- [X]

<Lilt> I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."

#154462 +(84)- [X]

<DefToanz> I hate ugly girls with big tits...because you want to squeeze their tits, but don't want the rest of the body thats attatched to them
<NEGRO> thats why paper bags are one of the single best invintions ever.
<DefToanz> I prefer plastic...that way she dies and you have a couple days to enjoy them

#154474 +(237)- [X]

=-= luc has changed the topic to “Nethack: The overly complicated roguelike computer game.”
=-= vaevictus has changed the topic to “Emacshack: The really overly complicated roguelike computer game”
=-= foobarbaz has changed the topic to “Emacshack: The really overly complicated roguelike computer game | Escape+Meta+Alt+Control+Shift+F => Fight monster!”

#154492 +(875)- [X]

<Lem> so my question is this
<Lem> Agent Smith can replicate himself.. but, why would there be a fork(), if there is no spoon()?

#154501 +(1523)- [X]

<Neo> I woke up the other morning at 4:00 am to find some woman banging on my door. I was like, WTF?.... So I got up, and let her out.

#154519 +(1227)- [X]

<Video> anyone know where to get nhl 2004
<MpegMan> Best Buy
<Video> anyone know where to get FREE nhl 2004
<MpegMan> Wear baggy clothing to Best Buy

#154952 +(645)- [X]

* Gand -> rape a prostitute
<gurov-cali> shoplifting !

#155048 +(-2)- [X]

N e o N e s s 19:  i thought guns were bad
N e o N e s s 19:  FALSE
cleschc2:  dude
N e o N e s s 19:  did you know that jesus and moses used guns to defeat the romans?


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