#137480 +(432)- [X]
<NekoNick> And you claim to be sentient?
<NekoNick> I guess that answers my question.
#137512 +(418)- [X]
<Rowdy> I made a really evil alarm for myself this morning.
<Stoney> An evil alarm?
<Rowdy> sleep 21600 && cat /kernel > /dev/audio
<Rowdy> Turn your speakers to max and do that.
<Rowdy> It is MEAN.
<matt> i have lots of kewl mp3 mixing software atm :)
<Rowdy> Think like an air raid siren crossed with a million babies crying in unison.
<matt> .. and then were suddenly silenced?
<Rowdy> That's the shit.
#137523 +(289)- [X]
<@ryan> theres acpi crap in my kernel
<@jon^c> eat more fiber
#137540 +(762)- [X]
<Elfer> OMG OMG OMG
<Elfer> I just had an idea
<Elfer> ok, cats land on their feet, right?
<Elfer> toast lands peanut butter sde down, right?
<Elfer> now, what if I tape a piece of toast peanut butter side up to a cat's back and drop it
<very_clock> uhhhm the cat will cancel out the toast thing, cats beat toast anyday
<Elfer> uhh, no
<Elfer> I think I get some sort of physics defying contradiction conundrum and the cat will hover
<Elfer> It's almost too simple to take over the world with this type of device...
#137544 +(381)- [X]
<+NaruNaru> i have yet to find a girl with the correct md5checksum
#137545 +(181)- [X]
<tosh> i need wax
<tosh> my hair doesn't stay up out of joy
#137549 +(329)- [X]
<WoobiE> hey.. i see me in that pic!
<WoobiE> hooray for me
<jimiw> your mum must be proud
<WoobiE> doesnt explain why she beats me and tells me i destroyed the family though
#137553 +(320)- [X]
<Atob> The internet's like the Bible but with pictures.
<Atob> And those pictures are of naked ladies.
#137556 +(306)- [X]
(+emil) i have fat fingers
(+emil) so when i laugh on irc
(+emil) i press the s button too
#137564 +(311)- [X]
<Darkseid> anyone want to hear a song i'm writing
<Darkseid> it's called "if girls bled cranberry juice"
<RaTS_FYA> lets here it dark
<oldskoolsenate> i wanna hear
<oldskoolsenate> please pleaes please
<Darkseid> keep in mind that it's metalish
* Darkseid clears throat
<oldskoolsenate> Darkseid that's alright
<Darkseid> if girls bled cranberry juice would you press and squeeze them dry
<Darkseid> would you hold their heads so sweetly til juice ran from their eye
<Darkseid> f juice ran from girls' ears would you have them for a snack.
<Darkseid> What if orange juice was dripping from her snatch
<Darkseid> I would
<Darkseid> I mean no one likes a glass of juice better than me... better than me... better than me... no one likes a glass of juice better than me... better than me me me....
<oldskoolsenate> Darkseid: That's really touching.
#137568 +(157)- [X]
<@Moonpie> if you get into an rpg battle with the plastic wrap around some sort of food you are the more stereotypical nerd in the world
<+silv|LUNCH> it wasn't an rpg battle
#137587 +(1015)- [X]
* Steele looks at his watch
<Steele> well either its 6:15 or mickey has a hard on
#137595 +(806)- [X]
<Disciple> Oh man, I was listening to music today, and I looked up, and all the kids were like ":O" and staring at the teacher, so I took off my music to see what was going on...
<Disciple> So I took off the headphones
<Disciple> And The teacher was screaming
<Disciple> "PUT IT IN HIS MOUTH! PUT IT IN HIS MOUTH!"
<Disciple> "GIVE IT TO HIM NOW! GIVE IT TO HIM NOW!"
<Disciple> And so I was like "What the hell's going on?"
<Disciple> And I looked over
<Disciple> and she was screaming on the phone.
<Disciple> And I just started cracking up
<Disciple> But then I found out that it was really sad and it was her son dying and someone had to give him his injection :(
<Disciple> But before I heard that, it was the funniest thing ever.
<[Striker]> ...well, damn,
<Disciple> (He is safe now)
#137629 +(-251)- [X]
<evilive> I've got the crime of the century
<evilive> we'll say we're offering free chicken as a promotion, right?
<evilive> then when the niggers show up we'll shoot them and take their gold teeth.
#137634 +(1179)- [X]
<BlazeHedgehog> For a few seconds when AOL first loads it displays the wrong image with the wrong headline on the front page
<BlazeHedgehog> So it's got this guy kneeling at the WTC Memorial, crying, headline reads "HILLARY DUFF'S NEW CD RELEASED"
<Sz> I'd be crying too
#137638 +(-73)- [X]
<@Disciple> im stuck in traffic
<@oz> stop ircing from your phone you lame piece of shit
<@oz> if you were jewish, that would make sense.
#137692 +(530)- [X]
<Procyon> I don't know the world around me!
<Procyon> I'm scared, and confused!
<DS> have you felt a strong desire to vote for george w. bush recently?
#137694 +(531)- [X]
<MrBeanTroll> ah, San Francisco Personal Ads
<Ocean-Saurian> What aobut 'em?
<MrBeanTroll> you will never find a more retched hive of scum and villiany
<MrBeanTroll> I must be careful
<MrBeanTroll> "I'm looking for a cute strong guy with a truck to help me move a couch from Dolores Park to Oakland some time this week during the evening. I'll buy you dinner afterwards. Picture required."
<MrBeanTroll> "you must be THIS hot to move my furniture"
#137733 +(395)- [X]
<obso> you get drunk and make out with a guy
<obso> and all of a sudden all of irc is on yer ass
<obso> my girlfriend thought it was cute.
#137754 +(768)- [X]
<Elfer> I remember tangie complained about only getting a $30 GC game for EASTER
<Elfer> Know what I got for easter?
<Elfer> not even chocolate or anything
<Elfer> Well, at least I didn't get crucified
<Elfer> unlike some suckers at easter
#137775 +(1031)- [X]
<Fusion> My cat tried to eat a praying mantis. I told him it was a bad idea.
<Mitsugi> what was his response?
<Fusion> Uh... "meow"
<Fusion> Yeah. What a bitch.
#137853 +(603)- [X]
<Kai> I like big xc,jhagjhrrss and I cannot lie.
<Ben-San> You other brothers can't deny when a fhgargh walks in with an itty bitty SLAJCHSAFGBG and a big typo in your face.. :P
<Kai> You get gfdhgfj and you wanna pull up gfyifu because you notice that xc,jhagjhrrss was djhfdjhf.
<Ben-San> This leads to the eternal question: what rhymes with djhfdjhf?
#137854 +(211)- [X]
<[TFCC]MysteryDate> and what kind of tools am I going to need to put all this crap together
<[TFCC]MitsuMan> philips head screwdriver and knife to open packages lol
<[TFCC]FloorPie> A knife? Use your teeth
<[TFCC]MysteryDate> what about securing the mobo in the case
<[TFCC]FloorPie> You'll have such a hard on when the new hardware arives, just poke the package open
<[TFCC]MysteryDate> or tape and grease? i read somewehreabout that
<[TFCC]MysteryDate> but I have no idea why
<[TFCC]MitsuMan> everything will come with mounting screws M
<[TFCC]MysteryDate> oh right
<[TFCC]FloorPie> The tape is to hold your hardon down
<[TFCC]FloorPie> the greese is for afterwards
#137913 +(502)- [X]
<Ziller> I'm confused now
<Ziller> am I me?
<Ziller> [12:14] *** Ziller (email@example.com) Quit (Ping timeout)
<_jackal> it's weird to see yourself quit from irc..
<Ziller> like seeing your own death
#137950 +(264)- [X]
<LicknDrgn> I dunno, I haven't used a stock HSF in one of my machines since P200 days
<LicknDrgn> Which probably accounts for the fact I've got a cold CPU most days and fuck all else to my name :)
<LicknDrgn> Then again, the drug addict and alcoholic phases probably don't help either.
<LicknDrgn> Still, at least I can play video games drunk and stoned with the heater on :P
<LicknDrgn> And really, isn't that what's important in life?
<LicknDrgn> I wish I had a heater :(
#137952 +(471)- [X]
<+phU|CrUM> i woke up to the sound of rain of the roof
<+phU|CrUM> layed in bed and listend to it for a couple of minutes then rememberd that i left my windows down in the car
<+BalefireX> that would have been funny to watch
<+phU|CrUM> what? me sprint out of bed, run outside half asleep, realize that i forgot my keys, slip in the mud and almost fall on my face turning around, get inside, grab my keys, sprint back outside and close my windows?
<+phU|CrUM> naw, that wouldnt have been funny to watch
<+BalefireX> you realize that your car would have been just as wet had you taken your time to get dressed and calmly walk out and do it?
<+phU|CrUM> you see, now i realize that... but when im half asleep im like 10x as dumb as i usually am
<+BalefireX> im amazed you remembered to breathe
#137953 +(394)- [X]
<dr_binks>I think they should start rating bash quotes according to how stupid the people are, not how funny the quotes are.
#137969 +(191)- [X]
<[Max]Kaz> does any1 know if I can extract a bit of a movie without all the files?
<[Max]Kaz> Its p0rn so I dont need all of it
#137988 +(139)- [X]
<evileye|ESC> "DO NOT ENTER THIS PROMOTION IF YOU ARE NOT LOCATED AND LEGALLY RESIDING IN THE UNITED STATES (EXCEPT FLORIDA) DURING THE ENTIRE TERM OF THIS PROMOTION."
<evileye|ESC> EXCEPT FLORIDA!
<evileye|ESC> damn old people
<Hellfire> they dont want the professional florida yodelers to win......
#138004 +(2119)- [X]
<krulos> my bud had sex with his girl last night 4 times and in the morning she said,"He was the best she ever had."
<krulos> i told him i had sex with my girl 6 time last night and this morning she said,"I was God!" lol. how many times did u get it on last night?
<krulos>hahaha, did she say anything to you this morning?
<KavorkianKilled> yeah, don't stop.
#138019 +(177)- [X]
(@aoi|triviabot) 9. What is a group of gorillas?
(@rifleman) rap group
(@ThunderBall) basketball team
#138024 +(323)- [X]
<+Kyle-SPTINYGLOL> I want Disney Land to like, Make an AOL ride.
<+Kyle-SPTINYGLOL> And 2 seconds after it starts.
<+Kyle-SPTINYGLOL> It stops.
<+Kyle-SPTINYGLOL> And screams "DISCONNECTED. >:("
#138049 +(417)- [X]
<Uhh_Duh> relationships are so easy thanks to the internet.. you can establish and destroy them at the touch of a few keys!
<black-ice> it all starts with 3 letters, asl
<black-ice> and ends with stfu
#138182 +(652)- [X]
SG The Clown: lol check this out i photoshopped a pic about that
Darksyphon23: you credit for mine idea :-
Sweet J Elite: .. rofl
[5 MONTHS later]
Sweet J Elite: i'm gonna go play final fantasy x
Darksyphon23: haha, i was thinkg that too, "you credit for mine idea"
Sweet J Elite: you do know that it was you that said that, right?
Darksyphon23: i thought it was you who said that
Sweet J Elite: no, you said it, and sg and i have been making fun of you for it for the past 5 months
[silence for 5 minutes]
Sweet J Elite: dude, are you pissed?
Darksyphon23: OF COURSE I'M PISSED! I JUST FOUND OUT "YOU CREDIT FOR MINE IDEA" was MINE IDEA!
#138185 +(206)- [X]
<Sabrebutt> So, I started learning Java today.
<tacojon> i hope you washed your hands afterwards
#138193 +(1395)- [X]
<spacemank> someone help me think of an eye catching phrase or something about me.
<cky> your nickname rhymes with 'wank'
<spacemank> gr... not to do with my NICK
<cky> well, you said about you :P
<spacemank> yes, me. not my nick.
<spacemank> I am not my nick.
<spacemank> I am me.
<Greg|wawy> if you re-arrange the letters, you get "spankmace"
<cky> your nick has to do with you
<spacemank> not really.
<cky> which is almost "spank mice"
<cky> you could also rearrange it to say MSPancake!
<spacemank> I hate you.
#138198 +(523)- [X]
<@sed> somebody tell me what i'm forgetting to save before i reinstall windows
<@Jagfire> sed, porn
#138210 +(237)- [X]
A little overexcited about Silent Hill:
<Aremis> Who can take a fire sireeennnnn.... and make a symbol of fear and dread? Who can take a sweet town and fill it with the undead? Konami cannnnn... The Konami Corp. cannnnnn.....
<Aremis> The Konami Corp. can take a simple hospital and make it a hell of rust and bloooooddddddd......
<Aremis> Who can take a happy dayyyyyy.... and shove it full of fog and snow? Who can make monsters that die with one blow? Konami cannnnnn.... the Konami corp. cannnnnn....
<Aremis> The Konami Corp. can because people are addicted to fear and they have stockholders in North koreaaaaa.....
#138229 +(416)- [X]
<Calisa> I can only hope there are hotel rooms involved in the party. I need to give my secret garden to serenity. We'll ride the comet of passion and wait until the sun dawns on the pool of spilled innocence. A world that's calm in the everlasting wake.
<TribGuru> she's gonna fuck the desk clerk.
#138236 +(1388)- [X]
<fr0k> Methinks Slicey is A) blushing or B) seriously not amused
* fr0k hopes for A
<Fractal-Coffee> (i think she's just ignoring you fr0k)
<fr0k> (she is)
<Fractal-Coffee> (safer than acknowledging anything you say)
<pineapple_slice> stop talking about me.
<fr0k> (she's telling us to stop talking about her...)
<Fractal-Coffee> (should i say "who said we were talking about you" to her?)
<Fractal-Coffee> (maybe that'll throw her off)
<fr0k> (yeah, let's try that)
<Fractal-Coffee> who said we were talking about you?
<Fractal-Coffee> who said we were talking at all?
<pineapple_slice> ... You and fr0k. I'm not that stupid.
<Fractal-Coffee> were we talking?
<Fractal-Coffee> who's we?
<Fractal-Coffee> oh, right
<fr0k> (I dont' think she's buying it)
#138244 +(291)- [X]
<@flugger> Dont ever handle your dick after handling hot peppers..
#138255 +(1514)- [X]
<bishead> man there is such a difference between online comp players and online console players.
<bishead> when i play cs my sexuality is attacked like a hundred times and my mother's weight mentioned 50 times.
<bishead> i was playing some guy in madden 2004 on ps2. and this guy was all like "hey man ur doing pretty good" and giving me tips and shit.
<bishead> but i've been playing cs too long. blurted out i wanna fuck ur mother with a pole.
<bishead> i kinda felt bad after.
#138259 +(-140)- [X]
PythagorusBAN: I think every "bottom" quote on bash has the word 'nigger'
PythagorusBAN: I didn't know there were that many niggers on the internet to begin with
Boozmation: you come across them everyonce in a while.. usually at dating websites
PythagorusBAN: or porn sites
Boozmation: oh yea
PythagorusBAN: or the National Geographic webiste
Boozmation: well then its not even a contest
#138338 +(459)- [X]
<Ysabelle> my god
<Ysabelle> a sixteen year old friend of mine has a full beard and goatee.
<Gizmo^_^> (says darth)
<Ysabelle> And she refuses to wax!
#138342 +(827)- [X]
<molo242k> ALLO WESTERN COMRADES! NO COMMUNISTS HERE! JUST HARD WORKING YANKY DOODLE DANDY WESTERN CO WORKERS! OH BOY! TIME FOR SOEM MORE OF THAT FAMOUS AMERICAN APPLE PIE! PERHAPS LATER WE WILL ENGAGE IN MANLY EMBRACE WHILST STILL CLINGING DESPERATELY TO THE ILLUSION OF HETEROSEXUALITY JAH?
#138374 +(680)- [X]
<FFk> Ive been living on my own for 2 weeks. Im so bad with money and shit im drinking apple juice and eating animal crackers.
<FFk> i can safely say i need my mommy.
#138378 +(633)- [X]
<omega> i have a question.
<omega> is your community THAT small that you're so bored and lifeless that you need to spam communities that are 20x bigger?
<FFk> how about i answer your question, with another question.
<FFk> Have you ever seen a naked man ride a horse?
#138386 +(1462)- [X]
* tania has joined #maths
<tania> if i had a line on a graph, how would i know points (x,y,z) lie on the graph?
<LackLustre> ERR HERR HERRR SUB THEM INTO THE LINE EQUATIONS
<tania> and then what?
<LackLustre> MASTURBATE INTO A PAPER CUP!!!!!
<LackLustre> no, you're done, truthfully.
<LackLustre> let's say i got a totally fucking crazy line like y = 3x + 2
<LackLustre> it sickens me to type it, but there we go
<LackLustre> is (2,1) on it?
* sabamacx rofls :D
<LackLustre> does 2 = 3.1 + 2
<LackLustre> NO IT FUCKING WELL DOESN'T
<LackLustre> SO FUCK YOU, LINE, FUCK YOU, POINTS
<sabamacx> we need more people like LackLustre, he's my golden ray for the day :D
#138396 +(298)- [X]
<BoriS> so, it's important to know, what kind of movie you'll look BEFORE you enter the theatre
<Bastaard> like people taking the advice of other people on IRC that when they get to a japanese restaurant that they order "bukakke" for dessert
#138418 +(33)- [X]
<bucket> The U.S. is strange!
<Ven99> - Iknow
<Ven99> - I was downt in texas and walked into a mexican abortion clinic.
<bucket> why were you in there???
<Ven99> - The sign in the front said "CRIME STOPPERS"