#122842 +(243)- [X]
<Brian_Davion> whats a good colour for a protocal droid?
<Brian_Davion> kaiser: I'm thinking a droid just like C3P0
<KaiserPanda> make it black with inlaid gold leaf designs, and a funny hat
<KaiserPanda> and a pink lawn flamingo
<Wolf> yes, and its opening line would be "I am cornholio, human-cornhole relations"
#122856 +(1260)- [X]
<Ghormak> I'm going to make a GTA3 mod. If you drive more than 88 in a delorian, you end up in GTA:VC
#122901 +(579)- [X]
<michaelr> heh, new zealanders think the aussies are shagging the sheep, and the aussies think the nz'ers are shagging the sheep... quite frankly, i think it's the sheep who are sluts
#122977 +(419)- [X]
<Monkah> i dont complain about ur interspecies breeding habits
<goatus> for the last time, your mums ugly, but shes still human
#123004 +(318)- [X]
[WorkDeed] I just heard someone say "I measured the thermal conductivity of one of my loogies and..."
[KArmA-] isn't Berkley cool?
#123044 +(717)- [X]
<blake772> Dude, your sister is a bitch.
<o0sarsRus0o> i know, one time she was drunk and i took advantage of her to get her back
<blake772> WTF.. incest newbie. Bash.org
<o0sarsRus0o> omg if you do i will kill you
#123088 +(352)- [X]
<eTombotron> purges are an essential part of a healthy society
=-= eTombotron was booted from #homeworld by kally (ps everyone he never existed)
#123097 +(1277)- [X]
<virt> if i let fan-mail go to my head, i'd be some kind of bizarre demigod overlord of condescending zeal
<virt> "welcome to taco bell. can i take your order?" "SILENCE, PEON. I WILL CONSUME THREE CHEESY GORDITA CRUNCHES, AND YOU WILL PROVIDE THEM IN A VELVET CARRYING CASE LINED WITH THE FINEST LINEN PRODUCED IN ALL OF ASIA, AND YOU WILL DO IT BY THE TIME I DRIVE UP TO THE WINDOW OR YOU WILL PAY WITH YOUR INSIGNIFICANT LIFE"
#123109 +(359)- [X]
<ruumis> this bitch I used to fuck with added me to her friendster list... what is my testimonial supposed to say for her? "gave good parking lot head. needs to talk less."
#123115 +(12)- [X]
<[-OsL-][Chibi]> hey eyesore
<[-OsL-][Chibi]> ur fav nigga is here :)
<eyesore> no he's not, he's out in the field. all i see is you, you dirty tar baby
#123289 +(267)- [X]
<caNcer_b0y> my boy just shit in the can for the first time :)
<route> lol congrats
<caNcer_b0y> its a HUGE step for him :)
<route> heh i can imagine
<dr_binks> how old is he?
<dr_binks> see route, if a 2yr old can do it, why cant u?
<route> cause i like my nappy's
#123311 +(519)- [X]
narzy: can you throw in a filter that if it mentions bash its auto dumped?
Protected Identity: Haha
Protected Identity: No, I prefer the mods suffe
Protected Identity: r
narzy: ok, but don't be shocked if you get a jizzed on keyboard for X-mas...
Protected Identity: Dont be surprised if you get a punch in the face for new years
narzy: don't be supprised if you get your scrotum as a change purse for easter...
Protected Identity: Dont be surprised if your mod account gets locked in 5 seconds
narzy: oh shit, im sorry im sorry im sorry...
#123318 +(502)- [X]
<Robyn> If the spam I receive is representative of America, then there must be many fat women married to men with tiny penises.
#123475 +(304)- [X]
<-yptosis> But Kazaa is telling me freecondoms.com is having a blow-out extravaganza...
<-yptosis> That doesn't seem like it'd sell condoms very well... blow-outs are the last things I need...
#123552 +(216)- [X]
Dough Girl7777: my grandma is funny
Dough Girl7777: she tries to spoil me, but she has like no money, so she gives me plants
Dough Girl7777: and she gets all excited when she gives em to me
#123562 +(264)- [X]
<Swap_File> explosives + Lan party + flare gun = broken toilet, and report of "fireworks display" on the police radio
#123569 +(678)- [X]
<Swap_File> hey, how many PSI are blow up dolls inflated to, generally?
#123586 +(1089)- [X]
[Yaksha] At least I'll have my laptop with me at work ;)
[Heri] No clitoris, though
[Heri] yeah you know... the little bump in the middle of the keyboard ;)
[Heri] you kinda have to tickle it to make it work
[Yaksha] I think that'd look kind of weird at work ...
[Yaksha] The computer starts beeping louder and faster ...
[Heri] LMAO LMAO LMAO
[Heri] then shoots a CDROM out of the drive
[Yaksha] The monitor panel slowly falls into the closed position
[Heri] then it smokes a ciggy?
[Yaksha] Nahh, it formats a floppy
#123609 +(441)- [X]
<maggie> how do i shut down my computer?
<uh> press start...
<maggie> no i want to SHUT DOWN! why does everyone tell me to click start...
<uh> ... you might as well just pull the power cord...
<maggie> uh but i also heard...
* maggie has quit irc (Error: connection reset by peer)
#123660 +(968)- [X]
<punchcard_w0rk> i think i will form a computer addiction recovery group.
<punchcard_w0rk> call it "users no longer enslaved to electronic technology"
<punchcard_w0rk> or UnLeet
#123701 +(347)- [X]
<+COokie|DLingZELDAmusic> damnit theres just not enough fat girl pron on kazaa
<+COokie|DLingZELDAmusic> i mean..zelda music...
#123708 +(21)- [X]
<@PCG|TMC_MusicmanTRS> ok... whats RIAA??
#123711 +(747)- [X]
MoonJuice: its amelia you dumb bitch
bryanvaim: you accidently typed "you" instead of "the"
#123721 +(595)- [X]
<Mutation> wow, only 260 quotes pending on bash...
<Mutation> i think its a sign of the end times...
<Mutation> when it hit's zero jesus returns to us in the form of a nigger joke
#123724 +(439)- [X]
[04:32] (%craigr000) WHAT THE FUCK
<%craigr000> FOR ONCE I'M HAVING AN EROTIC DREAM
<%craigr000> AND I AWAKEN TO MY FUCKIN MOM
<%craigr000> HITTING ME AND TELLING ME I HAVE TO SCRUB THE WALLS
<%craigr000> I MEAN IT'S OBVIOUS THE ONLY PLACE I'M GONNA GET ANY ACTION IN A LONG ASS TIME IS IN THE REALM OF SLEEP. THANKS MOM. THANKS A LOT.
#123731 +(308)- [X]
<@n3u> anyone here who like to scan my ports?
<+MrX> is that a sly way of asking for cyber sex?
#123767 +(214)- [X]
<Foobar> /VoWeLCaPS! NoW You CaN TaLK LiKe WaReZ DooDS WiTH LeSS eFFoRT
<Palidor> foobar you have too much time on your hands
#123859 +(829)- [X]
Whiskey: u know that chick that u said was stalking u or somethign like a while ago?
XAsHeSX: i forget
Whiskey: u sent me a naked picture of her
Whiskey: cuz she was sending them to u
XAsHeSX: oh yea
Whiskeyinmy: i saw her today at walmart lol
XAsHeSX: i was in walmart today :-/
#123881 +(28)- [X]
<v_9>i was just surfing throuh porn, then i was just stopped wanking it
<v_9>you know, going to a different url
<v_9>then all of a sudden,
<v_9>A FUCKING FLY LANDED ON MY MUSHROOM CAP
<v_9>THE SHIT HURT LIKE A MUHER FUCKER
<v_9>i mangaed to get a book real fast
<v_9>then made another mistake.
<v_9>i slammed the book right onto my shlong
<v_9>and part of the fly was dripping down to my balls.
#123920 +(338)- [X]
<Donut[AFK]> .. this is my new pickup line.
<Donut[AFK]> "Hey, did I mention I have a single cock, and that it is of average size and shape?"
<Donut[AFK]> "Also, I have no STDs!"
<@Meikai> "Because I never get laid!"
#123971 +(307)- [X]
<nukem82> so, yesterday my msn contact list was full
<nukem82> and i decided it was time for a major purge
<nukem82> "anyone who i havent met in real life, is getting deleted"
<nukem82> bad mistake
<nukem82> the only contacts online are my dad and my msn bot.....
#124033 +(422)- [X]
<Kaster> Here's a quesiton: if you could kill one person, and you were guaranteed you would not get caught, who would you kill and why?
<Tomekeeper> I would kill Pauly Shore. If anyone needs that explained they should be next on the list.
#124130 +(336)- [X]
<D`Kay> Hmm.. what would it be called where you take someone's phone number and get the address from it?
#124148 +(231)- [X]
Mattbot80: The creepiest thing happened at work the other day i went to the bathroom and there was a female janitor cleaning it and i was like shit i'll have to come back later she sees me and says something in spanish i have no idea what she said but she had like an evil witch cackel a hispanic guy had walked in behind me and told me she had invited me to go ahead it creeped me out
DaShizza: You seriously should have just whipped it out, did you really have anything to lose?
Mattbot80: Well i went the urinal and whipped it out thinking that's creepy but she wouldn't be able to see anything but my back but then she starts mopping around my feet and then she put the mop between my legs and hit my foot and i was like fuck this i'm gone i'll piss myself if i need to.
Mattbot80: It was the most akward momownt i've ever had in a bathroom
i just showed my co-worker
hahah, thats hysterical
Mattbot80: Glad you enjoyed it this may very well cause deep emotional scarring and a phobia of public bathrooms or female janitors
#124211 +(966)- [X]
Cosmixmaster : hi there
Cosmixmaster : did you hit it yet?
Holom : no
Cosmixmaster : why not
Holom : 1. she sorta wants to wait and 2. no place to do it
Cosmixmaster : wait until marriage?
Cosmixmaster : your room?
Cosmixmaster : her room?
Cosmixmaster : her vagina?
Cosmixmaster : ?
Holom : no, not till marriage
Holom : cant in her room.....might could in mine
Cosmixmaster : how about outside
Cosmixmaster : or in a car
Cosmixmaster : or outside a bar
Cosmixmaster : would you fuck her in a chair
Cosmixmaster : would you fuck her near a bear
Cosmixmaster : would you fuck her in a bed
Cosmixmaster : or perhaps in the head
Cosmixmaster : how about in the sky
Cosmixmaster : or while eating an apple pie
Cosmixmaster : try it on some hay
Cosmixmaster : some like it down by the bay
Cosmixmaster : but I like prefer doing it during mass
Cosmixmaster : but nothing beats tapping it in the ass
Holom : hahaha
Holom : nice
Cosmixmaster : so which one
Holom : i'm thinking bed
Cosmixmaster : it's the mass one, isn't it?
Cosmixmaster : damn
#124219 +(319)- [X]
DDR Takumi: Search for 'Social Life' returned 0 results.
DDR Takumi: bah, what now
#124241 +(716)- [X]
<never> hey... question......
<never> i'm new to irc stuff and i'm trying to download mp3's through it
<never> know of any good servers? i've come up with irc.dal.net but that's it
<never> k thanks
#124318 +(347)- [X]
<MyKe> YEs, my uk,eybo;ard is o;ffilcilail.il.il.y...bro;uk,en (ilf yo;uk co;ukil.dp't teilil), so; IL wo;np' t be c'h;attilng mukch fo;r the next weeuk, ukntil the new o;ne co;mes. Do;np' t asuk.
#124495 +(165)- [X]
<GameOver> I hate the drop off services
<GameOver> "$0.60 a pound! (minimum $5)
<GameOver> So you'd have to have bags full of heavy clothes
<GameOver> It'd be nice to just take the bus to work, drop off at Spin Cycle, then grab them when I go home
<GameOver> It's a Wash 'n' Fold service, so they seperate and whatnot, too.
<GameOver> ... but then comes the question -
<GameOver> - Do I really want a strange Mexican touching my panties?
#124517 +(155)- [X]
<M`> wtf is scat
<M`> i cant find it on google
<SoulWeef[a]r> Hang on
<M`> and i am eating a strawberry cream cicle so i fear clicking on any images
<Insanity|sleep> playing with shit.
<M`> oh duh
<SoulWeef[a]r> Eating shit
<M`> eating shit is nothing to me
<M`> omg. dont take that the wrong way
#124554 +(530)- [X]
<infamous>my old man always said, the day I cant do my job drunk is the day I turn in my badge and gun...
#124556 +(521)- [X]
<X0rG> u know how stalkers on teh intranet sometimes send their victims gifts?
<beuges> you have received a gift?
<X0rG> I want a gift
<X0rG> so I shal entice a stalker today
* X0rG is now known as HotBabe15
#124609 +(309)- [X]
<sick-rdi> haha..i had sex in the car the other day
<BlAkEaGe> haha..i had sex on a pooltable yesterday
<sick-rdi> there is no girl, there is no pooltable
<BlAkEaGe> Just because you haven't seen a vagina doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
<sick-rdi> ive seen a vagina
<BlAkEaGe> Yeah.. porn.
<sick-rdi> ive actually licked and sucked on one
<BlAkEaGe> Don't lick your screen, it'll fuck it up.
#124616 +(567)- [X]
<AXiLLA> it feels like I need to do the dishes.. I'm drinking juice out of an ashtray :[
#124657 +(156)- [X]
<H|G> wo da hells dat
<MoonHawk> whats balls?
<Marcus`> you don't know what balls are?
<MoonHawk> Marcus` no i dont
<H|G> we dont have it here
<Marcus`> you guys don't have balls in france?
<H|G> i guess not
<_PhAnTaSm> I think they only have bawls in north america.
#124670 +(127)- [X]
<Inversation> okay, tell me something people. Is it wrong to reeeaalllly like something alot?
<^Spike^> Uh.. no
<Inversation> and is it wrong to, say, want to eat that something, even if it wasnt designed to be eaten, per se?
<^Spike^> What are we talking about?
<Turnip> you can't eat your daughter
<Inversation> because I have an addiction to this AktaVite chocolate drink stuff
<Jessica^Rabbit> AARON HAS EATEN POOP
* Jessica^Rabbit falls over
* Turnip picks jess up and tapes her to a chair to stop her falling over again
<Inversation> i'm worried here, because it says 'add milk'
<Inversation> but I Just Dont Wannna
#124671 +(13)- [X]
<PRM> Theres a special girl in the office that i got a thing for.
<King-T> Yeah? Who? Is she nice ?
<PRM> She's called clare, i want to fuck her up the arse so that i can tell the bitch who's boss.
<King-T> go for it man!
<PRM> Yeah, just gotta make sure she doesnt fuck my arse first!
<King-T> Whoa, she a man man ?
<PRM> Not any more, think it may of been a dodgy sex-op gone wrong.
<King-T> Dont want to know...
#124714 +(1892)- [X]
too_much_prozak: ooowee girl you sho-nuff is hot stuff..c'mon over my house an sit on my face
eye_doan_know: Where you live big man? I'll think about it.
too_much_prozak: I'm in san diego..where U?
eye_doan_know: dont that beat all ...I'm in diego too
too_much_prozak: ...NO!...yer joshin.....for real?
eye_doan_know: real deal big guy.......you wanna hook up tonite?
too_much_prozak: sounds like a plan....your place? my place? or??
too_much_prozak: no..wait cant be my place...my g'friend is here.
eye_doan_know: cant be my place either...my boyfriend is downstairs.
too_much_prozak: ...what a co-ink-ee-dink my girlfriend is upstairs...........uh-oh-
too_much_prozak left the room
#124730 +(76)- [X]
<Roogle> You could ban the whole Arab Emirates, for I've never seen anyone on IRC from there
<Onyx> ban an entire country :p
<Prometheus> I vote we ban belguim
<Prometheus> they're not trustworthy
<ian> yeah, then we can ban england and japan too.
<Prometheus> england is funny though
<Onyx> I say we ban the Swiss
<UfoZ> I say we ban romania?
<Onyx> their neutrality is too suspicious...
<Kyou> BAN THE FRENCH
<Prometheus> I bet the swiss are building an army like right now
<Kyou> neutral, my ass
<Onyx> nah, Kal's from France. Probably the only cool person in the entire country though
* Fujiko sets mode: +bbbbbbb *!*@*.jp *!*@*.uk *!*@*.fr *!*@*.be *!*@*.se *!*@*.br *!*@*.ro
#124756 +(1097)- [X]
<NekoGuy> Ladies and Gentlemen of the world, tonight I masterbated, then told the President of Africa to fuck off because he has no intention of cooperating, then I read a book for 39 minutes, then made love to my wife anally. Any questions?
<It> lupis, dehumanizing the enemy is the prime strategy for victory in war. If your enemy isn't human, but a crazy shithead mindless bastard who doesn't deserve to live, it's easier to get soldiers to kill.
<It> Targen from The 3l33t Times. Can you offer us pictures of the anal love to your wife?
<NekoGuy> Nope, but I will have you educated.
<NekoGuy> GUARDS! TAKE THIS MAN OUTSIDE AND SHOOT HIM IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD.
* NekoGuy sniffles
<NekoGuy> I'm a man of hard love
<NekoGuy> hard as in the steel of a bullet
<It> Bullets aren't made of steel.
<NekoGuy> MY FUCKING BULLETS ARE
<NekoGuy> GUARDS, CASTRATE THIS MAN BEFORE YOU SHOOT HIM IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD
<NekoGuy> THEN TURN OFF MY CAPS LOCK.
<NekoGuy> AND BRING ME VIRGINS
<It> I don't get what's so great about virgins.
<It> They bleed when you fucks 'em.
<lupis> virgins who have been extensively taught sexual techniques
<It> lupis, and have no actual practical experience?
<It> NekoGuy: your guards are too busy having hot yaoi mansex with each other.