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#113418 +(272)- [X]

<memo> I AM NOW TAKING REQUESTS REGARDING PRESSING SPECIFIC LETTERS OF THE ALPHABET AND THEN HITTING ENTER   <memo> IF ANYONE WOULD LIKE TO REQUEST A LETTER PLEASE DO SO NOW AND I WILL TYPE IT

#113423 +(148)- [X]

<Locke> I went on an exciting box and pie adventure.   <Locke> It wasn't nearly as sexual as it sounds.

#113443 +(109)- [X]

<`Hunter> Dutch tv sounds really shite, the only good stuff is what you steal off us :/
<RevMonsta> wtf your right
<RevMonsta> he is giving a sausage a blowjob

#113511 +(821)- [X]

<WoG> wanna play me in UT J?
<J_Dawg007> Sure, I just got it again. Gimme a few minutes to practice though, I need to learn to nut suck again.
<WoG> lmao
<J_Dawg007> Err... not*
<J_Dawg007> Great, I'm never gonna live THAT one down..

#113520 +(301)- [X]

<oR1on|Trivia> 6. What is a leech a type of?
<AuthSrev> woman

#113533 +(358)- [X]

<Beltz> This condom in my drawer, it's about to expire. Two weeks left! And those things last for 5 years.
<Dindrane> ... wow.
<Dindrane> Tell me it's a family heirloom or something, passed down?
<Mickster> Just tell me it's not used
<Dindrane> Ya, cuz keeping a used condom as opposed to a packaged one makes you more of a loser?
<Kyatoru> I'd say so. That's a disgusting trophy.
<Beltz> My last 2 or 3 were in my wallet for so long they eventually had holes all over them and were brown inside due to dust. I started carrying one in my wallet at all times due to my last near-sex experience. I have such a wild imagination.
<Dindrane> Beltz - I hear of people having near-deather experiences... but near-sex? Holy shiznit, man.

#113542 +(418)- [X]

@zacke › i got in trouble once, and my mom installed windows me as my punishment

#113578 +(628)- [X]

<idiotdude>My mom's boyfriend gave me some magazines and one of them was an FHM from last month, and i pick it up and a penis enlargement ad falls out, and the order form is cut out and theres some notes scribbled on the bottom on how much it would cost plus shipping and handling

#113589 +(207)- [X]

Frost: :p
Frost: lol dood
Frost: my brother and his friend come home just now
Frost: and theres 5 kids coming up the street running
Frost: im like wtf
ape: lol
Frost: and he tells me they are chasing him and his friend
Frost: so i go out there like wtf fags what do you want
Frost: and they said my little brother and his friend hit some lady in the head with a rock and shes bleeding
ape: ROFL
Frost: man my brother is dumb
Frost: im gonna let them beat him up
ape: thats the funniest shit ive heard in a long time
Frost: :P

#113632 +(203)- [X]

<MKendora> Unfortunately, Win2k still needs electricity to run >_<
<JB> Heh.
<JB> Maybe for 2k5.
<Fancia> They fix that in Windows SG (Supar Gud), which runs on the power of pure dreams.
<Tagrineth> Hehehe ^_^
<JB> Well, we're all screwed.
<Tagrineth> But that probably still won't run on most people's comps
<JB> Anyone here besides Fancia have a pure dream in teh last year?
<Fancia> ;b
<Tagrineth> NOT ME
<MKendora> I have impure dreams.
<MKendora> I have purely violent dreams.
<Fancia> Well, they're thinking of expanding Windows PG (Perfikt Gud) to run on any dreams. ;o
<JB> That may help.
<JB> Methinks some of the dreams here may corrupt it, though.
<Fancia> True. ^.^;
<Tagrineth> LOL
<Fancia> "Windows received an Illegal Dream error! Please reboot!"
<Tagrineth> Hehehe
<Tagrineth> "*PLEASE* reboot... (sicko)"
<JB> Windows has committed suicide to remove the image form it's memory. Please order a new copy.

#113653 +(325)- [X]

<Catmando> I've never had an IDE cable with a hole like that
<Catmando> I've had floppy cables, but never IDE
<dealer_> youve never had sex with a girl, but that's not saying it doesnt exist
<narayan`> ouch
<ran_dogg|> i can't top that
<Catmando> well, I do have more experience with IDE cables than with women

#113943 +(1490)- [X]

* St-Lemur puts pasta next to antipasti
<KCaesar> You FOOL! You'll kill us all!

#113949 +(229)- [X]

<ph0rce> this is like turning into a war
<ph0rce> back like vietnam
<ph0rce> INCOMING NETSPLIT! GET THE FUCK DOWN
<ph0rce> INCOMING BOGIES INCOMING BOGIES
<ph0rce> RETURN FIRE
<ph0rce> *dos attack*

#114068 +(308)- [X]

<dj_enkie> im a good babysitter
<dj_enkie> the boy is older
<dj_enkie> e is like 8
<dj_enkie> and he will become me someday
<dj_enkie> i give him porn to not tell his parents that i drink their booze

#114202 +(808)- [X]

<typobox43> brb, grabbing a floppy dick

#114332 +(2395)- [X]

<Kazak> man I am bored, Im gonna try some weird shit
<Nash> uh oh
<Kazak> HOLY FUCKING BLOODY HELL!
<Nash> ?!
<Kazak> I PUT A STAPLE THROUGH MY DICK!
<Nash> HOLY SHIT!
<Nash> You really are a crazy bastard!
*Killer_jeep has joined the conversation.
<Kazak> good fucking hell this hurts LIKE HELL
<Killer_jeep> What?
<Nash> he put a staple thru his dick
<Killer_jeep> DEAR GOD
*Killer_jeep has left the conversation.
<Kazak> shit now I have to piss! Brb
<Nash> this can&#8217;t be good
<Kazak> BITCH ASS MOTHER FUCK!
<Nash> what happened!
*Darkness has joined the conversation.
<Kazak> the piss flew out of the staple holes
<Darkness> WTF!?
*Darkness has left the conversation.
<Kazak> I had to straddle the toilet to get it in!
<Nash> are you gonna go to the ER?
<Kazak> are you crazy? no fucking way
<Nash> well try pulling it out
<Kazak> I can&#8217;t it hurts like hell if I try!
<Nash> well it has to come out sooner or later.
<Nash> better off sooner, before anyone sees you.
<Kazak> GODDAM THIS HURTS
<Nash> its your own fault, you know.
<Kazak> shutup! augh this hurts!!!
<Kazak> GRGGRFFFFDJH~!!11
*Aaron has joined the conversation
<Aaron> whats up guys?
<Nash> The crazy bastard put a staple through his dick
<Aaron> FUCKING HELL
*Aaron has left the conversation.
<Kazak> THANK GOD!!! I got it out!!!
<Nash> right&#8230;what about the holes?
<Kazak> uhh&#8230;
*Malaina has joined the conversation.
<Kazak> I&#8217;ll have to cover my dick with band-aids.
<Malaina> what the hell are you talking about?
<Kazak> oh shit. Nash, don&#8217;t!!!!
<Nash> your boyfriend put a staple through his dick
<Malaina> FUCKING HELL YOU SICK BASTARD!
*Malaina has left the conversation.

#114347 +(1028)- [X]

<Skilless15> what's rtfm
<Skilless15> i forgot
<@avaxx> read the fucking manual.
<Skilless15> why
<Skilless15> you could just tell me

#114352 +(2255)- [X]

Spoon35: http://www.oddworldz.com/fmweekly/kellypinup.jpg
SenorWeird: who?
Momog: hehe
SenorWeird: who is that?
Momog: kelly hu = the wolverine chick from xmen
SenorWeird: Kelly who?
Spoon35: exactly!
SenorWeird: Kelly Exactly?
Momog: heh
Momog: it's a trap!
SenorWeird: Just tell me the chick's name. It's Kelly what?
Spoon35: Hu.
SenorWeird: ?!
SenorWeird: The chick you just posted a picture of!
Spoon35: Hu
SenorWeird: That's what I wanna know! Kelly who!
Spoon35: exactly!
SenorWeird: So it's Kelly Exactly!
* Marty11 Laughs in the strange confusion
Spoon35: Hu.
SenorWeird: The girl in the picture you posted is Kelly Exactly
Momog: Hu, Kelly.
Momog: HA!
SenorWeird: Yes, Kelly, Momog.
Spoon35: Kelly Momog??
SenorWeird: Kelly Exactly
Momog: doh
SenorWeird: Okay, you know what? Forget this.
SenorWeird: Let's talk about that hot chick in Mulholland Drive and The Ring.
SenorWeird: What's her name?
Momog: who?
SenorWeird: her name
Spoon35: Watts.
SenorWeird: yes, I think my question was quite clear.
Spoon35: Watts.
* Momog covers his ears and screams
SenorWeird: are you not understanding me?
SenorWeird: Who is the chick from The Ring?
Spoon35: I think I understand. you want to know Watts.
SenorWeird: Not What, who. Who is the chick from The Ring.
Spoon35: no, Watts is the chick from the Ring
SenorWeird: Who is?
Spoon35: no, she was in X2
SenorWeird: What?!
Spoon35: exactly.
SenorWeird: Exactly was in X2. okay.
SenorWeird: so then Who was in the ring?
Spoon35: Hu was.
SenorWeird: Who was in the ring?
Spoon35: no. Watts was in the Ring. Hu was in X2.
SenorWeird: Exactly. Now, let's get back to the Ring. What's that chick's name?
Spoon35: watts.
SenorWeird: okay, I'm lost.
SenorWeird: What's the name of the chick from X2?
Spoon35: no, Watts is the name of the chick from the Ring
SenorWeird: Forget about the ring. I don't want to hear about Who was in the ring.
Spoon35: watts
SenorWeird: Am I not clear? Who was in X2?
Spoon35: yes.
SenorWeird: Yes?
SenorWeird: Yes what?
Spoon35: Yes Hu! No Watts.
SenorWeird: ....
SenorWeird: What?!
Momog: i am logging this and using it as blackmail against you both
SenorWeird: oh, this is either genius or stupidity.

#114358 +(487)- [X]

(maddox@) I just thought of a joke, I don't know if someone has already made this up, but here it goes: What actor would Christopher Reeve be if he could trade places with anyone? Christopher Walken

#114377 +(206)- [X]

< Teratogen> Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon filled with backup tapes.

#114413 +(388)- [X]

<NekoLocke|Runescape> What the hell? some girl offered me cybersex on Runescape in exchange for all the gold ore I had in my inventory. @_@
<Danny> now you do it be a man whore :P
<Eden99> LOL XD;
<Noval> Wow, a game with real hookers. That's inpressive.

#114470 +(662)- [X]

* flathead has joined #zdoom
<Zack`> a dragon in thick, fluffy white diapers
<flathead> sounds like I missed one hell of a discussion here

#114600 +(-22)- [X]

 Mix-Master-Movies:  MY GROUP NAME IS
 Mix-Master-Movies:  REAL MOVIES ON KAZAA
 amanda:  the link
 Mix-Master-Movies:  ITS ON MSN
Mix-Master-Movies:  SO AMANDA WILL YOU JOIN
 amanda:  no
 Mix-Master-Movies:  WHY
 amanda:  i dont usa kazaaa
 amanda:  and u wont give me the link.
Mix-Master-Movies:  WHAT LINK
 Mix-Master-Movies:  I DONT HAVE A WEBSITE
 Mix-Master-Movies:  ITS IN THE MSN GROUPS

#114610 +(1108)- [X]

Aaron|SYS> Hello
<Aaron|SYS> I am Aaron, a System Operator (SYSOP) for Mindspring
<Aaron|SYS> I will be monitoring the activities of Mindspring and Earthlink subscribers this evening
<Aaron|SYS> Have a pleasurable and enjoyable day or night!
*** Quits: Aaron|SYS (Killed (SFC (hi, I'm an ircoperator, and I will be regulating your activity monitoring)))

#114622 +(370)- [X]

<Berrik> my goddamned school has fat cheerleaders
<Berrik> let me tell you something
<Berrik> there's only one half of a girl's chest I want to see jiggle when she jumps
<Berrik> and it ain't the bottom half

#114724 +(1174)- [X]

* +ramoth4 slaps politik with an unsigned long double
* +politik comes back with a _uint64 uppercut
* +ramoth4 pulls out a struct and returns fire
* +politik corrupts ramoth's heap
* +Fire_Elemental-Coding- ducks to avoid leaked memory
* +politik pops Fire_Elemental-Coding- square in the stack
* +ramoth4 stuffs politik's face in the bitbucket, and begins to operate on nil pointers
* +politik throws uncatchable exceptions around the room
* +ramoth4 dodges skillfully with his try-catch block
* +politik cuts off ramoth's private member
* +ramoth4 encapsulates the wound in a protected class
* +politik destroys all foes with up-casts to inappropriate derived classes!
* +politik is out of ideas
* +politik :: ~politik();
* +ramoth4 declares flipcode his namespace!
<+ramoth4> I win!
* +ramoth4 beat C++.
<+ramoth4> The last guy was hard.

#114920 +(542)- [X]

<-M-> i went and bought a mint flavoured condom just to see what it tasted like
<-M-> i regretted it a lot when my bro walked in on me licking it
<exclamation> did u munch the jobe?
<-M-> i thiink he's gonna need more therapy than me
<BigKev> did u turn to your bro and say "well.....we were out of mints"

#114988 +(1089)- [X]

(@zany-) omg, I can hear my mom masturbating :l
(@NpZ^) Ahaha
(@zany-) wai... she doesn't think I'm home
(@zany-) brb
(@zany-) great now I'm grounded
(@NpZ^) HAHA :D

#115126 +(111)- [X]

<Thin-H-Line> what's the best thing about an ethiopian blowjob?
<Porn_Angel> what?
<SKS> wat?
<Thin-H-Line> you know she'll swallow..

#115192 +(420)- [X]

Whitetail deer18: Attention all pokemon card trainiers!!!  I am starting up a internet membership where those who have card decks can play eachother over the net.  Only catch is honesty about the types of cards you have.
Trazzy: attention all pokemon card trainers: GO GET LAID.

#115217 +(717)- [X]

[(chillin)] did u have sex with my penguin
[(AtTi2uDe)] say what? lol
[(chillin)] sex
[(chillin)] with my penguin
[(AtTi2uDe)] umm, no, don't think so?
[(AtTi2uDe)] lol
[(chillin)] are u sure
[(chillin)] cause i think u did
[(AtTi2uDe)] i think i didn't? lol
[(chillin)] well all the witnesses and evidence point to you
[(AtTi2uDe)] my wife would be jealous
[(chillin)] sir i dont think the penguin is any more ok with it than your wife is

#115370 +(14)- [X]

* @baafie creams over AngelPHiSH
<@AngelPHiSH> o_O
* @AngelPHiSH wipes up
<@james> that's parksie's job O_o
<@AngelPHiSH> a little warning next time please
* @james hides
* @AngelPHiSH slaps james gently
<@AngelPHiSH> also:  repeatedly
<@james> :(
<@james> ;P
<@AngelPHiSH> wah now you made me think about parksie again >.<
* @AngelPHiSH snivels in her corner
<@AngelPHiSH> im so aloooooooonnnnnnnneeeeeee
<%Lioness> wahh wahh :oP
<%Lioness> Quit being emo
<@AngelPHiSH> sob sob
<%Lioness> It's been.....over 2 months for me.
<@AngelPHiSH> i cant help being emo!
<%Lioness> And I've still got 4 weeks to go.
<@AngelPHiSH> yes but YOU DONT FEEL PAIN LIKE I DO
<@baafie> That's because she doesn't do anal.
<@AngelPHiSH> O_O
<@baafie> ;P
<%Lioness> lollers
<@AngelPHiSH> wtf
<@a-arse[away]> lollerNOTFUNNEY
<@a-arse[away]> -e
<@AngelPHiSH> wtfwtfwtf
<@AngelPHiSH> i..
<@AngelPHiSH> O_O
<@AngelPHiSH> from cream to anal.. IN ONE EASY CONVERSATION!
<@AngelPHiSH> Just add baafie
<@baafie> ^_^

#115397 +(199)- [X]

<WiteRabit> the thing you gotta ask yourself is: do I really want snail shit on my face?

#115462 +(321)- [X]

<@B-Spider`> you young bastage
<@B-Spider`> your balls drop yet?
<@|Qc|Cutthroat> all 3 of them
<@|Qc|Cutthroat> to my surprise

#115468 +(358)- [X]

<Bendit> damn it, the cherries I bought yesterday are bad
<Bendit> cherry season is already over
<Bendit> :(
<Bendit> 1/3 of them seem to be almost rotting
<Bendit> and the rest have no flavour
<Bendit> there are so few things I like, WHY MUST THEY BE SEASONAL??!!?
<Bulk> ://
<omega> lucky for you cock isn't seasonal, so you may continue to enjoy it all year round.
<Bulk> im so glad you're in a good mood omega

#115471 +(146)- [X]

<ginzo_> my company sponsored a 50 Cent/Jay-Z concert
<ginzo_> on july 9th
<ginzo_> hahhaahhaha
<ginzo_> WE ROCK
<therdrai|> ginzo - what company is this?
<ginzo_> Cincinnati Bell
<therdrai|> oh
<therdrai|> are your CEO's and upper management gonna attend
<ginzo_> but i bet the pres will
<ginzo_> he's very into hanging out with africans
<therdrai|> ha
<ginzo_> PR trip or something
<therdrai|> yea
<therdrai|> so he can say "look i'm not racist, fifty cents is one of my best friends"

#115473 +(697)- [X]

* Kep hugs awsome
* Kep quickly flips her over and punts over over the field goal... three points!
<Kep> woot! =)
<Kep> the keppies win the superbowl!
<Kep> =)
* Kep pokes aws
* Ghaurok|afk has joined #tz
* ChanServ sets mode: +o Ghaurok|afk
* Kep punts Ghaurok|afk through the field goal!
* [3x]Taenarin trys to punts Kep, but [3x]Taenarins foot gets stuck in Keps ass!
<[3x]Taenarin> HELP!
<[3x]Taenarin> GET IT OFF!
<Kep> =(
<Kep> HELP!
<Kep> GET IT OUT!
* Kep has quit IRC (Client Exiting)
<[3x]Taenarin> fucker, he stole my shoe =(

#115477 +(385)- [X]

<Tea_Bag> yo fox is Mulder your surname
<FoxMulder> Tea_Bag: erm...no
<FoxMulder> is Bag yours?

#115483 +(142)- [X]

<DontHurt> do i want to be here? :x
<DontHurt> ^^;;
<hakootoko> nah, you wanna be out having wild sex
<Tirith> wild sex... like... beastiality?

#115490 +(240)- [X]

<aen> That's weird. I thought someone told me .bins were better than .isos because you can repair them more easily or something, but also that it had compression.
<Gayo> He was a .bin propagandist, tricking you with his honeyed lies.

#115506 +(426)- [X]

<chris> i've been to a lan-party with 130 people on the weekend
<Matthew> Cool.
<Matthew> I have the internet.
<Matthew> It's one big lan party.
<Matthew> But the difference is...
<Matthew> You can jerk off, and no one knows.
<chris> true that

#115606 +(308)- [X]

<LaaG> i wonder if sponge bob has a square dick

#115625 +(294)- [X]

<Godspore> lmao, 3 1/2 floppy(a;) total size: 864GB, 224 objects...
<Boko> :O
<Godspore> XD thats once fuckt up bootdisc

#115626 +(572)- [X]

<Lailoken> On Cinemax tonight they're showing Shrek from 11:00 to 12:30 and then Best Sex Ever from 12:30 to 1:00.
<Lailoken> Somewhere in America parents leave their child to go to a dinner party, "Here honey, you just watch Shrek and we'll be home some time after midnight."

#115646 +(385)- [X]

<pathogen> <(^_^<)
<pathogen> (>^_^)>
<pathogen> kirby dances
<pathogen> for money
<pathogen> <(^_^<)
<pathogen> (>^_^)>
<pathogen> <(^_^<)
<pathogen> (>^_^)>
<pathogen> <(^_^<)
<pathogen> (>^_^)>
<pathogen> <(O_O)>
<pathogen> cha-cha-cha!
<kermit> gay

#115711 +(347)- [X]

[mdtown] I wouldn't screw Dionne Warwick with a 10-meter extendopenis.
[Jade Lotus] lol
[mdtown] You've never heard the term extendopenis before?
[mdtown] Well, welcome to a new level of human consciousness.
[mdtown] "Go Go Gadget Cock!"

#115726 +(579)- [X]

* |SiN| yawns.
* Asfand_Yar has quit IRC (niven.freenode.net irc.freenode.net)
* mattsteg|mobile has quit IRC (niven.freenode.net irc.freenode.net)
* paq_ has quit IRC (niven.freenode.net irc.freenode.net)
* sleep|761 has quit IRC (niven.freenode.net irc.freenode.net)
* |SiN| has quit IRC (niven.freenode.net irc.freenode.net)
* Tang has quit IRC (niven.freenode.net irc.freenode.net)
* rasp has quit IRC (niven.freenode.net irc.freenode.net)
* hack|afk has quit IRC (niven.freenode.net irc.freenode.net)
* thorak has quit IRC (niven.freenode.net irc.freenode.net)
* Jim_ has quit IRC (niven.freenode.net irc.freenode.net)
* kampf_wk has quit IRC (niven.freenode.net irc.freenode.net)
* hack|afk has joined #2cpu
* Asfand_Yar has joined #2cpu
* mattsteg|mobile has joined #2cpu
* paq_ has joined #2cpu
* thorak has joined #2cpu
* rasp has joined #2cpu
* Tang has joined #2cpu
* kampf_wk has joined #2cpu
* |SiN| has joined #2cpu
* Jim_ has joined #2cpu
* niven.freenode.net sets mode: +oooo hack|afk kampf_wk |SiN| Jim_
* sleep|761 has joined #2cpu
<DracoDanMP> wow sin, you must have some nasty, nasty breathe
<DracoDanMP> you just blew half the channel away with a yawn

#115765 +(622)- [X]

<spungles> ooh
<spungles> hot chick in the park
<spungles> bbl
<moleman> WAIT
<moleman> give us a URL first!
<xanex> no
<xanex> I think he means IRL

#115781 +(700)- [X]

<noddy> oops, i banned tgo last night and forgot to remove it :/
<Mortarion> yes you did
<noddy> sorry dude :*(
<The_Gifted_One> yeah, u whore :P
<noddy> :/
<Mortarion> am i gonna have to start checking the ban list when i get up every morning again?
<noddy> again!?
<Mortarion> yes, when i first gave you ops i'd have to check the banlist, usually you hadn't banned anyone in particular, you'd just filled it up with crap banmasks
<Mortarion> i got up one morning and like 40 countries had been banned
<The_Gifted_One> ROFL

#115783 +(857)- [X]

<su-Septik> canada has a nuclear program?
<su-noel> yeah it's some old dood that survived chernobyl
<su-noel> we keep him in a box


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