#107128 +(142)- [X]
(Mountain): i'am the mountain where u all ppl fight and fight to climb on me
#107130 +(271)- [X]
[PaleMoon] Video killed the radio star
[PaleMoon] which is fortunate.. cos radio porn never really caught on
#107136 +(188)- [X]
<MattC> i gotta input like a foot high pack of paper into a computer
<xerent> omg... fold it carefully and use the floppy drive?
#107137 +(468)- [X]
<ab0mination> Snow White has been sacked by Disney Productions. Apparently she was caught sitting on Pinochio's face singing "Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies".
#107162 +(224)- [X]
<ChaosBob> somebody needs to write an irc client that makes chat text look like source code
<ChaosBob> for when your boss walks in the room
#107168 +(636)- [X]
<TripleRach> Hmm classical music isn't good for it at all
<MiraiMatt> No classical does not blast
<TripleRach> I can't like open my windows and yell at my neighbors "HOW BOUT SOME BEETHOVEN MOTHERFUCKERS"
#107173 +(306)- [X]
<Rogue> You can have quit messages?
<Rogue> I always try and rejoin real fast to read it but i always miss it
<Rogue> Im getting closer
#107179 +(177)- [X]
[16:50] <slammes> you know that the difficult part is not to avoid porn. that is easy. but to say no to your own dick
#107185 +(143)- [X]
<Jaz> every playboy playmate 1955-2002
<chrissy> in your house? shit! that's a lot of boobies!
<Asmodeus> yeah, but they're models, 5 ice cubes and a roll of toilet paper and you can feed the lot of them for a day
#107188 +(479)- [X]
(Lp|dust1n[WWGL]) god damn
(Lp|dust1n[WWGL]) this bread is hard
(Lp|dust1n[WWGL]) I thru it at the window and the window is broke
#107189 +(215)- [X]
<pkmk> fuck i'm in wordpad now
<pabegimas> programming with wordpad? wow that's really bad
<pkmk> actually wordpad is very good for programming - you can set the font what you want
#107196 +(218)- [X]
* Mike0ne sneaks up quietly and has sex in Jarrith
<cakemix26> just ackt up
<Jarrith> MIKEONE HAS HERPES
<Jarrith> oh god
* Jarrith runs away
<Jarrith> that was badly timed
#107233 +(693)- [X]
<eva> hey guys, guess what im eating right now!
<Ed> big black cocks dripping with pearly semen.
<eva> starts with a 3
<Ed> three big black cocks dripping with pearly semen.
#107240 +(17)- [X]
<[M4X]> CASEMODDER this isnít about me or who has your underwear. This is about me and the fact youíre not wearing any underwear.
<CaseModder> get away from ma ass u queer
* CaseModder puts some boxers on
<[TFF]monkey> hands on balls, bums on walls lads
* [M4X] opens secret passage in wall
* CaseModder puts on chasity belt
#107245 +(3)- [X]
<WorkLord> nasa uses both systems
<WorkLord> on martian landers
<Luigi30> That's why all our stuff explodes
<Luigi30> Especially shuttles
<Luigi30> and Mars landers
<WorkLord> ITS OK EVERYONE
<WorkLord> HES BACK TO STUPID
<WorkLord> armageddon averted
<Luigi30> in Soviet Union, shuttles explode YOU!
* Luigi30 runs around farting
<Luigi30> Yay! I'm stupid!
* Luigi30 explodes leaving a jagged black mark on the ground and some smoke
#107248 +(228)- [X]
<Aury> O.o;; You all have to wait longer for movies to come out?
<leckie> Well yeah... sometimes.
<Aury> What is that, some sort of backwater hell of a town?
<leckie> It's the UK Aury.
#107249 +(828)- [X]
<01@peregrine> Then a great item, the 24 Hour Bukkake Semen of Moe Nishimura
<01@peregrine> -- poor Moe-chan has men blowing their wads on her as she goes about her
<01@peregrine> daily life, brushing her teeth, sleeping, going to the bathroom, and so on
<01@peregrine> dude that's bukkake i'd consider watching
<01@peregrine> the comedy
<01@chesed> I think that'd get annoying when you're doing your daily activies and random guys are blowing their load all over you
<01@chesed> it'd prolly be the worst day to do laundry
<01@chesed> "I just fucking cleaned that! FUCK!"
<01@peregrine> you'd need an allstar male crew
<01@peregrine> with precision aim
<01@chesed> matrix load-blowing
<01@peregrine> i'm just imagining like
<01@peregrine> guys hidden in the bushes and shit, as she walks by
<01@krelian> that's what happens in 24 hours bukakke
<01@krelian> they like bust out of the closet
<01@krelian> and it's a hit and run cum
* peregrine rolls
<01@krelian> girl walks into the bathroom
<01@krelian> and dude blows his load
<01@peregrine> they need to just go all the way
<01@peregrine> and have some chick being tormented by a clan of bukkake ninjas
<01@krelian> *girl walks down street*
<01@krelian> *ninjas out of bushes*
<01@krelian> *ninjas blow load*
<01@peregrine> then DISAPPEAR
<01@krelian> <girl> what the hell was that!
<01@spider-hime> STEALTH BUKKAKE
<01@krelian> *girl walks down street*
<01@krelian> <girl> omg it's raining
<01@Perrin> *camera pans to roof of building*
#107256 +(390)- [X]
Substitue Teacher> Alright class. Here's the next question. Spain was divided into what? Hint, Canada has these.
Dane> Umm... Canadians!
Kyle> ... Provinces you idiot...
#107257 +(840)- [X]
<JakeD> My fingers are so fucking big that I'm all like "apjps0-3" just trying to type the word "hi"
<Winter> wow, i bet you're a hit with the ladies.
<JakeD> Yeah. "Hi, I'm Lisa." "apjps0-3" "....Fucking freak."
<Winter> i was thinking IRL, but i suppose you're more clumsy there?
<JakeD> That was an IRL example.
#107262 +(293)- [X]
* cuba has joined #uplink
<cuba> hoi all
* Dave2|Laptop bans trade with cuba
* Luigi30 arms cuba with missiles
<KeaponLaffin> Luigi30: hey now, no bay of pigs
#107273 +(312)- [X]
† † (?) † † kullen- (~WTFfirstname.lastname@example.org) enters #lesbian
†CoulomB: turn around
†CoulomB: no lesbians here.
† † (?) † † kullen- (~WTFemail@example.com) leaves #lesbian
†CoulomB: all gone, big lesbian fire of 96.
#107283 +(188)- [X]
<KnacK|WorK> oximoron of the day "Microsoft To Teach Undergrads About Secure Computing"
#107288 +(148)- [X]
* jitspoe had forgotten how time consuming modeling is
<spdif> keep your clothes on jit. no matter how much money they offer you
#107292 +(729)- [X]
<[GUNr]J0E> hahahah ive gotten laid more than jit
<jitspoe> I'm saving my virginity for a female
#107294 +(173)- [X]
<Calrathan> well, I'm screwed
<Calrathan> not gunna get this work done
<Fryth> irc to the rescue!
<Calrathan> it doesnt fix your problems...
<Calrathan> but it sure makes you forget em
#107295 +(145)- [X]
<Blue> yeah, a copy of it was found in a desert
<Blue> the guy turned it into the newspaper or something instead of doing the right thing
<Blue> which of course is ebaying it
#107296 +(26)- [X]
<Fembot> what did one "racing stripe" in jitspoe's toilet say to another one?
<Fembot> "are you alright? you look a little flushed."
#107298 +(345)- [X]
<Xenophon> I was talking to this really cute girl, when I was on a walk with my parents. I hadn't seen her in years. After exchanging university experiences, I asked for her ph # and my dad jumped out of the woodwork and said "I'll memorize half of it for ya!"
#107303 +(112)- [X]
<GaNja> anyone here good at setting up video cards?
<Blue> nope, im horrible at it myself, so bad in fact i dont even havea video card
<GaNja> that sucks
#107304 +(758)- [X]
<Zimbu> heh, the ad bar on fark speaks for itself...
<Zimbu> "1000s of naked women on your desktop! NSFW!: 18 comments"
<Zimbu> "Revenge Lady- My story of complete and utter humiliation: 8 comments"
<Zimbu> "i saw a turtle: 1136 comments"
#107307 +(239)- [X]
<Borgus> How does one go about becoming an op?
<Fembot> kneepads, a dark room, and a strong stomach
#107311 +(294)- [X]
<basschimp> sitting down in a kilt is easy. after the first few times.
<Ant-> after the first few "AWW SWEET JESUS MAN"s?
#107314 +(186)- [X]
<+Jasper> SourceX, its because of people like you that they put up signs that say "Please don't touch the animals" in zoos
<@SourceX> i wouildnt do it with other ppl around anyways
<@SourceX> the signs are pointless
#107324 +(484)- [X]
<dragondyne> doritos are just as good though
<dragondyne> but the residue on your hands SUCKS ASS
<dragondyne> you need gloves to eat them
<AvaLance204> Yes doritos mess up your hands
<shadow> I don't mind the residue
<Mog116> dorito residue sucks
dragondyne> they should come with a pair of latex gloves
<dragondyne> they would sell more
<shadow> I usually eat chips when I'm not using my hands
<shadow> you know what I mean
<shadow> when I'm not using my hands for anything else
<shadow> ah crap
<shadow> screw it
<dragondyne> do you stick your head in the bag and rotate or something
#107325 +(-8)- [X]
<@ott> i work with a guy who has zacklee
<@ott> his breath smells zacklee like his ass
#107329 +(211)- [X]
<Cyber_Akuma> They REALLY want to make dying in the game realistic
<Cyber_Akuma> The pc insantly locked up when i died
#107339 +(13)- [X]
(Kixx^) Where can I download internet ?
(@Osc) Kixx^ goto http://www.irchelp.org/download for info on getting files of any kind via IRC.
#107346 +(199)- [X]
<Devilmouse> * Yam invites you to join #gay
<Devilmouse> i joined and they wont let me back out
#107351 +(304)- [X]
<stealth_> my brother downloaded cm4 from kazaa
<stealth_> and... it went pretty well for him
<stealth_> he had been playing for about 1Ĺ hours
<stealth_> then this message pops up.
<stealth_> "had fun? well fu you and go buy the game you warez haxx0r"
<stealth_> then the game crashed :)
#107354 +(342)- [X]
<nylint> a pedophile and a little girl were walking into the woods
<nylint> and the little girl said 'these woods are scary at night, mister'
<nylint> and the pedophile said 'you're scared? i have to walk back alone!'
#107355 +(427)- [X]
jack> sigh what?
volsung> Talking to my mom again.
volsung> I tried to explain that job #1 is modeling the effects of the solar wind on the Earth's magnetic field and that my advisor's model wasn't working at all.
volsung> Her immediate response was "Well, that's because you aren't taking into account the effect of consciousness on the charged particles."
volsung> I did not know how to respond to that.
#107359 +(393)- [X]
||RoGuE||: yesterday, my sister came to me and asked me where were my parents, and she smelled like beer
||RoGuE||: and i said... Minni, by the smell of your breath i can tell you have been drinking
||RoGuE||: and then she said... well, by the smell of your breath i can tell you have been sucking cock
[StOrM]: what did you do rogue?
||RoGuE||: i brushed my teeth ¨_¨
#107362 +(868)- [X]
<||RoGuE||>: yesterday, my sister came to me and asked me where were my parents, and she smelled like beer
<||RoGuE||>: and i said... Minni, by the smell of your breath i can tell you have been drinking
<||RoGuE||>: and then she said... well, by the smell of your breath i can tell you have been sucking cock, you bitch!
<[StOrM]>: what did you do rogue?
<||RoGuE||>: i brushed my teeth ¨_¨
#107363 +(1016)- [X]
(@Nick^) we were about to start an important exam yesterday
(@Nick^) and the male teacher says "any mobile phones turn them out and put them on the desk at the front"
(@Nick^) and my friend questioned him about whether it was necessary to put it on the desk at the front, blah blah
(@Nick^) then the teacher walks down the row of people to check, and says to my /other/ friend, "Is that a mobile phone in your pocket?"
(@Nick^) and my friend turned round and said "No he's just pleased to see you"
(@Nick^) I almost got kicked out for crying with laughter
#107364 +(967)- [X]
<Analogy> I haven't taken a shower in days.
* silentjoe backs away from analogy
<Analogy> My hair has so much oil in it, Bush is gonna invade it next.
#107367 +(138)- [X]
* djenk feels like his energy has been completly drained out of him
* muiredach pumps energy back up in djenk
<muiredach> ooops, that was the airpump ;-)
* djenk now feels listless and bloated too ;/
#107371 +(710)- [X]
<NekoGuy> Oh my fucking god I'm 16 years old, engaged, with a 2.0 average planning to make a career out of politics, I spend my entire day on IRC, looking at porn and fantasizing about a race of catgirls that will never exist.
<NekoGuy> IT JUST FUCKING HIT ME.
* NekoGuy kills himself
#107373 +(284)- [X]
< kriptik> !sites
< BassBoy> !sites
< kriptik> !geeks-in-g-strings
< BassBoy> !nude-animals
< kriptik> !greasy-ewok-bitches
< BassBoy> !underage-gerbil-sluts
< kriptik> you win :(
#107374 +(85)- [X]
<eXa|The_Professor> my grandpa invented cheez-wiz
<eXa|The_Professor> no i'm just screwing with you
#107380 +(261)- [X]
* Rask says AHEM extremely loudly.
* Blasphemy gives Rask a cough drop.
<Denise> SARS! :o
* Denise passes out masks.
* Rask sticks it in his nose and says AHEM again.
<Chickita_Banana> a cough drop in your nose?
* Denise watches it shoot out of Rask's nose and hit Chickita in the face.
<Denise> Maybe it's a nose drop.
* Chickita_Banana throws it at Denise
* Denise gets it lodged in her throat.
* Denise does the heimlich on herself.
* Denise lives.
<Blasphemy> You're wierd.
* Denise spears Blasphemy.
* Denise drags him to her igloo.
* Chickita_Banana watches
<Blasphemy> Plz don't rape me >_< I'll do anything!