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#102104 +(290)- [X]

<|CM|>Mongoose> i'm looking for a girl that enjoys having a bad time
<Paralysis> search for the keyword "gothic"

#102113 +(308)- [X]

<Has_Bean> And very soon, they shall have an aisle in the toy store devoted to it
<Has_Bean> Aisle 6...the sims expansion pack aisle

#102125 +(216)- [X]

<bodhidharma> i don't ask who people are when they are removing my pants <bodhidharma> that is a smile and nod situation

#102126 +(212)- [X]

<Dead_Meat|Linux> is there an alternative to sun java jre now?
<ChrisDKK> sun tea?
<Dead_Meat|Linux> um...
<Dead_Meat|Linux> what's the difference?
<ChrisDKK> one is made with tea leaves the other is made with coffee beans

#102158 +(811)- [X]

<Robzy> Lol, my dad just asked me "Would you rather take out an ugly girl, or a girl with a nice personality" and i replied "they are the same thing arent they?" and he goes "WOO! You are *MY* son" hehehehe

#102159 +(187)- [X]

Gud> woah.. eating while tranquilised in your mouth isn't exactly an easy task. :D
dhn> dentist?
Gud> yeah
*** dhn hands Gud a straw
Gud> dhn: straw?
dhn> Come on, you know how to suck ;)

#102160 +(303)- [X]

< Hippo> i'd be the worst jesus ever, i'd be constantly drunk if i could turn water into wine

#102169 +(183)- [X]

<nrky> yeh, having a girlfriend tends to fuck up your ability to be on the internet, shit they waste alot of time
<Twisted> I want a girl - but on the other hand, she has to have the ability to go into the other room and communicate via IM

#102178 +(183)- [X]

<Ban|Karma|> whats the differents between FreeBSD and Redhat?
<Mr_Tux> Ban|Karma|: One's free, the other's crap.  You decide.
<StiNKy> redhat isn't free?

#102180 +(306)- [X]

<Movis> the evil Napster kiddies made Lars Ullrich so poor he had to sell his snare drum & replace it with a tin can

#102182 +(283)- [X]

<@DrPoole> i wish i had a friendly panda
<@DrPoole> he'd be my buddy. watch tv and stuff.
<@DrPoole> drink beer.
<@niklas> get high
<@DrPoole> yeah. he'd get fucked right up and he'd beat on me from time to time.
<@DrPoole> that, would, RULE

#102187 +(257)- [X]

<H3g3m0n> Wow according to the starwars website Star Wars Episode III is going to be called "In production"

#102188 +(536)- [X]

< CausaSui> So I was showing a coworker bsd, and explaining flags, and speficically the schg flag
< CausaSui> And to give him an example that even root can't delete schg flagged stuff, I tried rm /kernel
< CausaSui> But it turns out that, for some reason, on fresh installs of 4.8, none of the kernels are flagged schg

#102207 +(1846)- [X]

<kmad> today, me and jake were playing tennis
<kmad> this mom with her son, like 11 years old, were watching us play
<kmad> a ball was hit over to them, so I ran over to pick it up
<kmad> the kid asks me, "How did you get so good at tennis??"
<kmad> I think for a second, try to hold back a grin
<kmad> "Drugs."
<kmad> The mom gave me a big old FUCK YOU and stormed off with her kid

#102219 +(613)- [X]

<jamz> So I sent out an email saying that due to a death in the family I was going to be out for the next two days.
<jamz> one person emailed me back: Please accept my sincere apologies.
<jamz> I emailed her back: What, did you kill her?

#102224 +(389)- [X]

<Breianna> The U.K. is adding a new stripe to its flag
<Breianna> Black, to reflect its "multiculturalism"
<whitcomb> i noticed all the blue people when i went there

#102265 +(693)- [X]

[Sh0t]: i want to win the homo dominatrix torture chamber contest
[Sh0t]: homo=home

#102274 +(372)- [X]

<adorecm> i just had to type out my proposal for english class.
<whitcomb>  "Dear Gay English teacher:  I will marry you for an A.  Sincerely, Eric Metz."
<adorecm> not a proposal like that

#102335 +(370)- [X]

<Panzer> hmm. 3% out of about 2000 Battlefield gamers are female
<Sargasm> That's...what, 60?
<Panzer> dont know if thats exact
<Wilbur> it is
<dsbnh> and this matters because....?
<dsbnh> now more gamers can get dates?
<Wilbur> trivia is vital
<Panzer> dee
<Sargasm> 3% of them can, now
<dsbnh> "omg kekekek i am a girl don't shoot k cutie ^___^"
<Sargasm> "omg are u really a gurl?"
<Sargasm> "pics plz"
<dsbnh> "OMG yes"
<Panzer> heh
<dsbnh> "later after i win"
<Panzer> forget it
<dsbnh> "let me win k?"
<Sargasm> "anything for u hunny
<Sargasm> "
<dsbnh> "^__^"
<Panzer> ack von stupidhead
*** Signoff: Garnet (Exit: Austnet Chat Network)
<dsbnh> "what button do i press to shoot, becauseobviouslyicanconvinceiamagirlbyactingclueless"
<Sargasm> "u can push my buttons any day"
<dsbnh> "omg kkeekke ur funny"
<dsbnh> "dude i have him we are  so win to win"
<dsbnh> "oh crap, i typed that in wrong"
<dsbnh> "kekeke hi... helllo"
<Sargasm> Sadly, this is far more accurate than it should be
<dsbnh> LOL

#102337 +(286)- [X]

TXTerron: i have of those
strtoken: me too
TXTerron: the first girl i ever got intimate says it was normal length but very large gerth
TXTerron: that should have been my first clue she was a fucking slut

#102339 +(277)- [X]

<%revmoo> http://revmoo.home.insightbb.com/irox.jpg
<%revmoo> (yes that is a real screenshot)
<%revmoo> (no I do not have a life)

#102351 +(1035)- [X]

<Gnell|CHAMPION> i wanna ride it
* Gnell|CHAMPION is away

#102352 +(411)- [X]

<ThePerfectCore> I hate "fake-geek" chicks.
<blacksun> Oh yeah?
<ThePerfectCore> "omg i lik compooters"
<ThePerfectCore> "Yeah?"
<ThePerfectCore> "yeah my dady bought me a dell 2day it has 2ghz of ram!!! loool!!!!"
<blacksun> hahaha
<ThePerfectCore> *thud thud thud*
<ThePerfectCore> That would be my head fucking the wall
<ThePerfectCore> My wall gets more action than I do

#102354 +(1233)- [X]

<Faight> Reproduction is stupid.
<AndrewLB> You want sex, don't you?
<Faight> I have a 6 year old brother.
<Faight> He's an annoying little bastard, but I love him.
<Faight> =/
<AndrewLB> That was quite possibly THE most disturbing answer you could give.

#102453 +(148)- [X]

<sh`> hmmm i wonder if i can burn at 52x now
<sh`> time to add to my pile of hardware sitting in/on the case
<sh`> brb
* sh` has quit IRC
<xyonz> he needs a girlfriend or something

#102467 +(233)- [X]

<foo-busy> besides, saying you're a vb programmer around true geeks is like saying you're gay at the mormon's men convention. seeya later

#102469 +(260)- [X]

<steven> Alman : Will you be my friend?
<Alman> uhm lemme do a whois on you first

#102473 +(496)- [X]

<LesVoix> i want to start the straight pride parade
<fubar-42o> yah
<fubar-42o> what kinda flag would we have
<fubar-42o> since the gay ppl have a rainbow
<fubar-42o> we should
<fubar-42o> have 2 chicks doin it
<LesVoix> LOL
<fubar-42o> cuz thats what every straight guy wants to see

#102486 +(714)- [X]

<[CKS]Red_Robot> i know i should be working on my paper, but id rather be playing warcraft, so to compromise im doing almost nothing

#102620 +(163)- [X]

<esco600> why would someone's mom be on bash.org?
<aNuBiS-> moms need nerd love too

#102752 +(47)- [X]

<mufffin> i could live there
<mufffin> except its an apartment
<Schlurbna> That's not to say I wouldn't live there but I expect more from
  penthouse apartments.
<hoek_> Schlurbna - you expect penthouse models in there?

#102875 +(-59)- [X]

<ater> how bout a tamigotchi game with a chinktwat
<ater> your only options would be "Do Math" "Practice Violin"

#102979 +(909)- [X]

<cwilbur> we have a database table with fifteen million rows in it.
<cwilbur> they brought a manual database change in.
<cwilbur> "please print a table dump before and after you make the change."
<Azhrarn> nothing like hard copy to recover mistakes from!
<cwilbur> there are fifteen million rows in the table.  if you want us to make a dump of the table just in case, that makes sense.  but do you really want a *book*?
<cwilbur> "our policy says that we need a printout."
<confound> hahaha
<cwilbur> oooookay.
<Azhrarn> print out a link to the backup on your intranet :)
<confound> "that's not MY policy."
<cwilbur> no, they want a printout, they'll get a printout.
<pmichaud> what font size?  how many lines per page?
<Azhrarn> Poor trees
<Halfjack> They'll only want it once.
<cwilbur> when someone asks why we've gone through three toner cartridges and the printer is still printing, we'll refer them to the twit.
<Azhrarn> shrink the font till it fits on one page :)
<pmichaud> purl, 15000000 / 66
<purl> 227272.727272727
<Azhrarn> !
<pmichaud> purl, 227272 / 5000
<purl> 45.4544
<pmichaud> 45 cases of paper :-)
<pmichaud> at 66 lines per page
<Azhrarn> and after he makes the changes...

#103072 +(139)- [X]

<VxD> mmm, nothing like a little VD on a Friday afternoon
<VxD> oops, nevermind, it was just lipstick

#103102 +(517)- [X]

<Shempo> WHAT!?
<Taiken> WORSE!
<Shempo> Oh
<Shempo> My
<Shempo> God
* Shempo calls up Canabis-Man
<Taiken> ...
<Taiken> Where is Cannabis man?
<Shempo> Probably high.

#103104 +(685)- [X]

<gellehsak> all the french kids at my school
<gellehsak> look at porn all day
<gellehsak> they're like

#103111 +(226)- [X]

<genesis> mommy, why doesnt bc do logic math?
<ch> because you touch yourself.
<genesis> a world without bit shifts is a world i dont want to masturbate in

#103126 +(329)- [X]

«BoneyCork» ok heres a foolproof plan to get a girl
«BoneyCork» rummage around for 5 minutes, turn to a girl, smile and say" excuse me, have you got a pen i can borrow?"
«Dilbert|Simpsons» or pull out your penis and say "i'm horny bitch, suck my cock"
«_404NotFound» ha
«_404NotFound» ahh.. the direct approach
«BoneyCork» ive never tried that one
«BoneyCork» maybe i should sometime
«Dilbert|Simpsons» yeah
«Dilbert|Simpsons» i've done it millions of times
«Dilbert|Simpsons» its bound to work sooner or later

#103202 +(431)- [X]

<OwnerDemon> It kind of sucks now that there are so many computer jokes and innuendos on bash.org that people like me can't understand them.
<TheOne> 7|-|47z (|_|z j0012 4 f|_||<1n9 DUMB4SS!
<OwnerDemon> Exactly.

#103210 +(232)- [X]

notten: it's cliche shit and i'd rather masturbate with sandpaper than watch a minute of mtv

#103215 +(568)- [X]

<jeev> there are 2 things i hate in life
<jeev> racists and mexicans

#103244 +(355)- [X]

<Judith> if you were trying to market condoms, what would you try to use for a slogan?
<Redeemer> "Wear the fuck out of us."

#103251 +(701)- [X]

<Yuli> ...so anyway, I was all like "where's my coconuts man! I ordered em last week!"
<Yuli> and the guy just stared at me like "what the fuck?"
<Yuli> so i was all like "whatever man, send them to my hut"
<Yuli> and I paddled away

#103266 +(409)- [X]

<_Dogbert_> whats the diff btwn a bucket of menstrual fluid, and a bucket of sand?
<rusty-chix> wtf?
<_Dogbert_> you cant gargle a bucket of sand
*** You were kicked by ChanOP ([Android] stop now.)
*** Attempting to rejoin...
*** Rejoined channel #teens

#103371 +(856)- [X]

<acaos> why does bread come in one shape, meat in another, and cheese in a third so when you want to make a sandwich you have to cut and fold and contort to get it right? =)
<leile> hahaha.
<leile> its like food-origami.
<acaos> my thought exactly =)
<acaos> but I have balanced the meat-yin and the cheese-yang and the bread-fu now.
<acaos> the ancient, mystical art of Sandwich-Do.
<leile> hahaha
<leile> HAHAHAHA.

#103407 +(148)- [X]

<werxxx> ok..
<werxxx> lemme put it like this
<werxxx> how to make my script check dns of a given domain
<xterm> werxxx: google should be able to help you out.
<werxxx> google?
<werxxx> so i'll need to configure my script to parse google query result?

#103409 +(238)- [X]

<quacks> u look like that milk girl
<quacks> on the cup
<@dolphie> huh?
<@dolphie> nonsense.. that girls so ugly
<quacks> precisely.

#103422 +(216)- [X]

<Sebbe> Just found some online CPR 101
<Sebbe> The instructions are: Call, blow, pump
<Sebbe> Kinda makes me wonder if I accidentally stumbled upon a Hooker 101

#103452 +(352)- [X]

* ChanServ has quit IRC (*.net *.split)
* Cold_Lich sets mode: -ooo Deleter Elight|Xenosaga KamikazeChicken|Away
* Cold_Lich sets mode: -o Arieswind
* Cold_Lich whistles innocently

#103459 +(233)- [X]

### Psyber converts paige's vibrator from .5 milliamps to 200 amps
### Paige is gone (07:19PM): brb.. *bzzzz*

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