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#100793 +(492)- [X]

-!- DuDeR has joined #friends
<DuDeR> i love this channel
<DuDeR> people are so friendly here
<DuDeR> unlike that one channel where the people shout vulgar insults at me usually involving testicles and people with white hair
<T-Z-O> get the fuck outta here you gay ass albino nut sucking bitch

#100794 +(301)- [X]

<nih> if I was reincarnated, I'd be a baby seal
<nih> someone might take me clubbing.

#100796 +(493)- [X]

* Evil-PR-Director changes topic to 'IRC - Where the men are men, the women are men, and anyone under 18 has a .gov ident.'

#100798 +(1439)- [X]

(mike): HEH, THIs Is AMuSINg
(mike): I Got a WiNAMP pLUgiN THAt BLInKS THE KEYboARD ledS tO THE MUSIc
(mike): BUT IT acTUALLY turNs THe CAPsLOcK On AND oFF iNSTEad OF JuST the LIGHt

#100807 +(236)- [X]

(blackanese): when does a guy lose his virginity?
(blackanese): when he ejaculates or when he fucks?
(dufflebag): lol black just thought he lost his verginity cos he jerked off

#100820 +(782)- [X]

tp: Ewwwwwwww! I was jerking off, and my cat kinda jumped on my stomach before................yeah....... now I gotta give the cat a bath or my parents will think i'm a perv..... :(

Psycho_James: Dude, you jerked off on your cat, YOU ARE a perv...

#100837 +(148)- [X]

<cold_russian> i think... i just... blew up... the heater.

#100850 +(163)- [X]

<RattleHead> kinda like the fact that the drink hampers your judgement in female partnership for the night :P
<RattleHead> Drunk Person: "Boooy, loook ad dat GOJUS womun ova deer!"
<RattleHead> Sober Person: "Are you talking about that fat nasty cow over by the door?
<WumpSmwher> 8-p
<WumpSmwher> is that how you got your g/f ?  *ducks*
<RattleHead> heh
<RattleHead> yes..... *ashamed*

#100896 +(345)- [X]

marty> So, what happened, did you date her?  What was she like...
deathcubek> Let me put it this way.  She was like an RPG.
marty> I dont get it.
deathcubek> Well... she was long, expensive, and full of monsters.

#100904 +(480)- [X]

<Powerslave> haha love this ticket pushed to me from our help desk:  "modem making squeeking sound when connecting, needs replaced"

#100933 +(826)- [X]

<LarsC> i'm a fuckign ninja.
<exii> Dude, you're not a ninja.
<DJTodd> A fucking Ninja?
<LarsC> yeah.  i fuck you, and you don't even know I was there.
<Dayv> I heard your girlfriends have that problem.

#100937 +(546)- [X]

<fabutron> so we were at sonic the other day (which is a drive up restraunt like in the fifties, for those of you that don't have sonic) and we made a joke about punching the waitress in the uterus and over the little drive up radio the guy was like "we can still hear you"

#100942 +(269)- [X]

<DrUDgE> black|one: what is your mom on top of me nude?
<DrUDgE> black|one: a good time!
<black|one> not for you..
<black|one> my mom is 60.

#100961 +(957)- [X]

<Bismarck>Ok.
<Bismarck>Over 50.000 people at the stadium watching the game.
<Bismarck>22 Players on the field
<Bismarck>2 referees,
<Bismarck>and the coaches sitting on the side of the field.
<Bismarck>So WHY did the FUCKING BIRD have to shit on MY HEAD!?

#100967 +(447)- [X]

<chesed> I couldn't find the food you like
<chesed> I couldn't find a card
<chesed> So I hope these flowers say it best:
<chesed> Dear Lord you make me hard

#101030 +(407)- [X]

<chron> YO BITCH YOU WANNA GET FUCKIN RAPED? AIGHT IMMA BUST IT OUT LIGH DIZ <boom boom boom> WELL IMMA TCP TO YO FTP THEN PUMP U FULLA PENIS.C CUZ IMMA HACKAH BITCH I DONT FEEL NO PAIN, I PLAY COUNTERSTRIKE AND EMULATE MAIM, U SUCK MY COX WHILE I ROOT YOUR BOX WHILE MY DRONES PACKET INTO YOUR GAY WINSOCKS, IMMA HACKAH IN THE NIGHT WHEN THE TIME IS NOCTURNAL SO KISS MY DRONES AND SAY PEACE TO KERNEL. WHAT WHAT WHAT WEBSIIIIIIITE

#101064 +(207)- [X]

<Fickle> I dunno if this fried waffle thing is a good idea, kelsey
<kelseyB> it might be commercially available
<Fickle> right.  It's already been bought by McD's
<Fickle> called the McFucking Coronary

#101120 +(427)- [X]

<@doggie^> argh ffs
<@doggie^> just downloaded a 12mb program
<@doggie^> now im downloading a 22mb update

#101135 +(960)- [X]

<_cliCk_> any boddy here???
<shaan> no
<_cliCk_> are u sure?
<shaan> yes
<shaan> quite
<_cliCk_> i will not!!!!
<shaan> will not what
<_cliCk_> be quite

#101136 +(239)- [X]

<Dareon> Damn it.  Why is it, whenever I go down to bring up another window and slip, I always wind up launching Worms?
<Iago> It's a sign.
<Dareon> ...If the universe wanted me to go play with squishy pink things, they should send me porn popups.

#101150 +(242)- [X]

<superghos> sometimes my dick gets so hot it feels like it's going to burn a hole through my mouth

#101177 +(102)- [X]

<classNTBk> lifetime kicks ass
<classNTBk> its got designing women
<classNTBk> its slogan may be "television for women", but its attitude is "kickass enough for studs"

#101186 +(165)- [X]

<MagnaUnum> just got off the phone with a redhead
<MagnaUnum> she's cool
<MagnaUnum> she likes helping retarded kids though
<MagnaUnum> I dunno if I can justify that with my conscience

#101194 +(2867)- [X]

<DigitlDud> So you guys really don't care if I'm gay?
<gopus> I personally could care less.
<DigitlDud> I'm really afraid of telling my parents.
<gopus> Then don't.
<wafn> DigitlDud, the way I see it, all of us have things about us we are ashamed of.
<gopus> That's right...
<Skarab> yeah, DigitlDud, I gave my cousin tongue before, and I think that's far more embarrassing.
<gopus> ...
<logiclrd-> And I look hella ugly. You've seen my pics.
<Hello1> DigitlDud: and you basically know that I couldn't get laid if my life depended on it.
<frankyd> and I smell like shit.
<gopus> ...
<gopus> and I think AOL rocks.
<frankyd> gopus: ...
<Hello1> ...
* logiclrd looks at gopus
* gopus was kicked by logiclrd (Bye)
<logiclrd-> there are some things I won't tolerate.

#101268 +(706)- [X]

<Abstruse> I personally like graveyard shifts better...I'm a night owl by nature...
<Abstruse> Besides, the morning shift there is 6 AM to 2 PM...those are the hours I'm usually sleeping.
<phoxleep> 6 AM
<phoxleep> wtf is 6 AM
* phoxleep has never seen 6 AM
<Abstruse> phox: 6 AM = bedtime.  You know, when that big lamp outside the window starts to turn on?  You DO know about the Big Room outside the house, right?
<Abstruse> phox: You know, the Big Room you go to when you have to go buy more food and stuff?
<phoxleep> the big room is sorta cool
<phoxleep> but doom 3 has better shaders damnit
<Abstruse> I hate the big room when the lamp's on...
<jastity> Abstruse: I have my groceries delivered to my Big Room, I order them online.
<Abstruse> They need to fix the air conditioner out there.
<Abstruse> jastity: I meant McDonalds.
<Abstruse> Or Taco Bell or Jack in the Box or whatever.
<phoxleep> Abstruse: why hasn't greenpeace given them shit about leaving it on?
<phoxleep> it's a waste of power damnit
<Abstruse> phox: Something about it using solar energy I think.

#101269 +(1007)- [X]

<@Stormrider> If I got arrested and had one phone call, I'd call the police station with a bomb scare

#101283 +(516)- [X]

<BloodFromStone> "You wouldn't think incest was wrong if you had cousins as hot as mine."

#101306 +(148)- [X]

<dash> HEY BITCH WHERE'S MY SANDWICH
* MogOfGlory unzips his pants
<dash> mmm reuben

#101342 +(134)- [X]

<Ck3> im still laughing:>> i mean its like you ate someth bad and im trying to tell you but im laughing so hard i cant tell you, and i look at you eat it and think that it rolled in the bong water and im dying of laughter and you're like enjoying the chocolate so much:>>
<antishok> HOLY FUCKGIN SHIT
<antishok> U MOTHER FUCKER
<antishok> U DIDNT TELL ME IT ROLLED IN BONG WATER YESTERDAY

#101346 +(36)- [X]

<@BcK> mexicans steal cabbage patch doll
<@BcK> to get the birth certificate

#101354 +(93)- [X]

<Tarrasque> damm it.. fucken waiting for my GF to get home... I an so fucken bored
<toxik> i usually cant wait for my gf to leave..

#101368 +(812)- [X]

<kindman34> fubar, how do you spend your time off-line?
<fubar-42o> what. you mean like single-player?

#101378 +(266)- [X]

*** Joins: Tornus
*** ChanServ sets mode: +o Tornus
<+WOJ> It's Tornus.
<@NiteShok> It sure is.
<@GregTG> no it isn't
<@GregTG> [/iraqi information minister]

#101380 +(143)- [X]

<Admrlcrow> what are some good switches for extracting a rar archives on a linux box, i'm using unrar-3.1.3
<pairo> Admrlcrow: -RTFM

#101386 +(365)- [X]

<VanJeans> How do you know when it's time to wash dishes and clean the house?
<VanJeans> Look inside your pants; if you have a penis, it's not time.

#101435 +(703)- [X]

<Abstract> So I was going to lick my girlfriend last night.. And I was like trying to find her clit, but it's like a fucking labyrinth with all that shit down there..
<LuC3D> Shit? Dude, you were in the wrong hole..

#101490 +(532)- [X]

<rioter> i heard a car accident last night
<rioter> and laughed
<rioter> then my mum knocked on my door and was like your sister had  car acident out side your door and you didnt come out
<rioter> and i laughed even harder

#101584 +(462)- [X]

<Kionon> "Left, right, front, back, penis in, penis out."
<Andris> Dance Dance Reproduction.

#101611 +(407)- [X]

* @Magn0lia catches TollsXP and gives him an atomic wedgie
*  TollsXP 's nether regions emit radiation now
*  ramoth4 gives TollsXP an iWedge
*  TollsXP 's nether regions are now manufactured by apple
*  ramoth4 gives TollsXP a WedgieXP
*  TollsXP 's nether regions crash
< TollsXP> or perhaps they hang ;)
< TollsXP> but I certainly hope they don't freeze.

#101624 +(303)- [X]

<K2134> holy shit >.< all the guys just ran down the stairs and out the door because the fucking ice cream truck.. talk about immature...
<K2134> lmao.. its funny, six 20 year old guys standing in line for ice cream...

#101689 +(1149)- [X]

<@Pr|cK> oi shan on sunday last week at footlocker when i was buying new shoes
<@Pr|cK> there was this REALLY HOT chick working there right
<@Pr|cK> anyway i went in to buy shoes, and she saw my $500 sunnies
<@Pr|cK> and she gave me her number
<@cray> pfft that's nothing...i went into this shop and waved around my expensive gun, and the chick behind the counter gave me all her money

#101690 +(850)- [X]

<Potato> This guy I work with made the mistake of telling me about his whole idea of saving himself for marriage
<Potato> But it went something along the lines of "I don't wanna die young, 'cause the longer I'm married, the more sex I'll get"
<Potato> I destroyed his little world by asking the only married guy in the store how much sex he gets, to which he replied, "Well, I've got one son, but I'll be damned if I remember how that happened"

#101825 +(196)- [X]

<LeXX-> so like one time on 2600 irc, liquidpc shoved a usb cable up his mothers ass.
<Klassh> man, usb really IS universal

#101850 +(315)- [X]

<sysrq> 10 mins till next period
<Nitronium> till your next period?
<sysrq> im in school heh
<Nitronium> shit, better get home quick then!

#101881 +(2502)- [X]

bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it
ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my
breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to
charge your ass.
bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic
symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide
and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in
the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now.

#101979 +(247)- [X]

<Nanobot> I wish I had a girlfriend...
<Nanobot> My only friend is a sock puppet
<Nanobot> Lucky for me though, it has a hole in it

#101988 +(356)- [X]

<Sage> but curiosity
<ChaosValentine> killed the cat
<Unicorn> technically the cat killed himself, curiosity just convinced it to
<gk> no way man
<gk> curiosity busted out a switch blade and slit that stupid pussy's throat

#102012 +(340)- [X]

<DoctorRiff> man PETA is awesome, hours of entertainment at the cost of one dead rabbit

#102016 +(896)- [X]

<manmanandboyboy> date syllabus check
<d00fus> dinner, movie, then snuggling
<munbty> carnival, cotton candy, and then moonlight stroll
<soccy_pants> drugs, rape, 2 hour police chase

#102021 +(307)- [X]

<Judg3> well, i get laid too. But you have to keep it secret, or your not as geeky
<JPres> I got laid once.
<JPres> but mom said it made her feel dirty


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