#98100 +(1601)- [X]
<AleX> i guess this channel must be a center of activity; when i not rarondn an;sc;ln vialmnv,ma v,xznm f dlJFSMSMMMSMMSM:HHHFRRF
<AleX> sorry, i stopped caring halfway through that sentnece
#98107 +(121)- [X]
<@f0dd|away> !topic #ol - guns don't kill people; I kill people
*** nuff0r changes topic to '#ol - guns don't kill people; I kill people'
<Kwazy> Guns kill people, but at least THEY dont rape them afterwards
<Kwazy> *sick grin*
#98111 +(583)- [X]
<_Nathan> thats a lot of licenses you bought viss ;)
<visionz> cost me 3 arms and a dozen legs
<visionz> living near a cemetary rox :)
#98112 +(161)- [X]
ritilan: and in 2 years u can have your first drink
Halo: Yeah, I cant wait!
Halo: Because I've never had any alcohol before, honest.
ritilan: i belive u
Halo: Then you are gullible
ritilan: yes well there is that too
Halo: Because let me tell ya, I'm a pretty raging alcoholic
ritilan: i find it helps to keep the voices in my head quite
ritilan: at least i think it does
Halo: I sing show tunes to myself in order to keep the voices in check
ritilan: is bad when they all sing along
Halo: Yeah, I just refuse to go along when they try that shit
Halo: Then I yell "DONT MAKE ME TURN THIS CAR AROUND"
#98113 +(125)- [X]
<kw> I associate Chanel 5 with old women, my grandma used to wear it
<kw> (so, needless to say.. I find it quite erotic)
#98238 +(392)- [X]
Customer: "I CAN'T READ OR RECEIVE EMAIL! HELP!"
We're only allowed to reply through email, so I almost deleted it. But I reconsidered.
Tech Support: "Yes you can."
#98324 +(807)- [X]
<@voh> ever seen the bristol flag in my room?
<@voh> it's about 80 cm wide and 300cm long
<@voh> big-ass flag :)
< SirGoblin> sounds like my penis
<@voh> the flag refuses to stand up straight as well
#98332 +(1752)- [X]
<KJ> I was in a shop in Britain, when an American tourist in front of me tried to pay for something in US dollars. The shop keeper politely told her that this was Britain, and you can't use U.S. dollars here. The lady replied... "But I had no problems in other third world countries"
#98341 +(183)- [X]
<DTARD> you havent peaked until youve had a conversation wth the light barely shining through the comfortor draped over your head while hanging off the top bunk and wearing plastic vampire teeth
#98342 +(222)- [X]
EKBoney: You've got the cat from hell, I've got a dog that doubles as a mop and vacuum
EKBoney: Maybe we can genetically clone them together and have a cat-dog-satanic-vacuum-mop!
EKBoney: They'd sell great in the market!
Trumpeter085: praise satan & clean your floors!
#98343 +(741)- [X]
<kevin> Good Morning, nigga!
<Dinyctis> good morning to YOU, niggaaaaaaaaaaa!
<kronix> Dinny is a wigger
*** kronix was kicked by jark (Unallowed word/phrase - wigger [#38492])
#98345 +(212)- [X]
<Continuity> Disassembling VB code is like looking at one of those magic eye pictures
#98349 +(317)- [X]
<freddieandthestarfish> if homosexuallity is a disease, can i call into work gay??
<mal_s> u homo
#98354 +(590)- [X]
<Measure> if I was a mom I wouldn't be anti-porn
<eva> my dad takes the 'well at least he's not gay' position
<waffle> eva: yeah, the jokes on him
<eva> shut up fag
<eva> IM NOT GAY
#98359 +(360)- [X]
<+timovgod> I had a penis transplant but my hand rejected it
#98369 +(318)- [X]
<WC|spieler> Installing photoshop from within a compressed archive.
<WC|spieler> with my antivirus active
<WC|spieler> this ought to turn out well.
<WC|spieler> sometime next summer
#98372 +(182)- [X]
<merk> never make a comment to your friend that a mentally challenged person in a wheelchair is getting more action than him
#98381 +(115)- [X]
<Duran`Mun> ... I've had a religious experience
<Lathian> Duran`Mun, did someone hit you with a bible?
<Duran`Mun> Lathian: No, I put in my new sound Card.
#98382 +(81)- [X]
<H> damn... i can think of that to hide pr0n but i can't remember mother's day... must work on priorities
#98388 +(411)- [X]
<cat_gurrrl> I'm not a common street hooker! I am a self employed roadside massage therapist!
#98389 +(238)- [X]
<ex-machina> lol there's a guy in hellraiser 3 who kills people by chucking CDs at them. Presumably they're Win XP install discs...
#98398 +(1067)- [X]
<RatingsQ> WHOA I JUST HAD AN IDEA FOR A MOVIE
<RatingsQ> d00d what if you had this dude, typing on IRC...
<RatingsQ> but if he falls below 55 words per minute, dalnet explodes?
#98410 +(664)- [X]
<Andrew_ge> whats an ip?
<Andrew_ge> cos according to this popup, my pc is broadcasting one - is that bad?
<blender> internet protocol
<Andrew_ge> better download this program just incase... its free anyhow
<Andrew_ge> also - you should check this out, its rules... http://www.gator.com
<blender> spam anyone?
<Andrew_ge> whats spam?
<blender> a lovely meat
#98412 +(180)- [X]
TwilightKnight: i fucking hate you so much
Dr SpaZZo: Thats what you get for breaking the goatse rules of engagement
TwilightKnight: wtf are you talking about?
Dr SpaZZo: (Article 2, chapter 5, line 9: Sending goatse to those of the female persuasion is forbidden)
#98419 +(200)- [X]
<Focusyn> hmm this commercial for a local pool place here
<Focusyn> just said "And we make PAYING fun TOO!!!!"
<Focusyn> what, do they let you come in every month and pay your bill in ones in some stripper's panties?
#98423 +(232)- [X]
<EarthQuake> which came first? the chicken or the egg? :o
<@omega> omega came first
<@omega> then the chicken got pregnant
#98432 +(1158)- [X]
<WrmSlayer> The AI in the matrix got it all wrong
<WrmSlayer> they should have just used cows instead of humans
<WrmSlayer> no chance of rebelion
<Reverend> stupid AI
<WrmSlayer> and the mootrix would have just been a big sunny infinite field of grass
#98439 +(53)- [X]
<zez> jerry seinfeld is old.
<matt> it takes a dirty old man to do that job
<zez> no i mean he's gotta be wearing 15lbs of makeup
<matt> its really too bad
<matt> tv went downhill when he left
<matt> i wish he did more
<zez> tv's been going downhilll since 1950.
<zez> i dont like seinfeld at all
<matt> no way
<zez> i find him completely self absorbed and stupid
<matt> (marry tyler moore)++
<zez> the only episode of seinfeld i like at all is the soup nazi one
<zez> and its not because i like seinfeld
<zez> its because i empathize with the nazi.
#98447 +(883)- [X]
<Diamond> But what's truly awesome is my new Radeon 9500 Pro.
<Diamond> That I will treat as if it were my first-born child.
<Diamond> ...Apparently when I have kids I'm going to stick them inside a small aluminum box.
<Diamond> And have them process numbers for me all day.
<Diamond> So I can watch porn.
#98450 +(7884)- [X]
Jakefeb3: do you know a turtles only weakness?
AvatarOfSolusek: thier slowness
Jakefeb3: there weakness is they cant roll over when they are on their backs
Jakefeb3: now i have a plan
Jakefeb3: if i duck tape 2 turtles together they are unstoppable
#98459 +(272)- [X]
(DiscoFever) bah, twas the night befor christmas and all through the house
(DiscoFever) not a creature was stiring
(+cow) not even a mouse?
(DiscoFever) except for cow because he was a fucking jew and didn't believe in christmas
#98549 +(77)- [X]
<ChrisFlugel> I just had dinner
<ChrisFlugel> still feels like morning
<ChrisFlugel> maybe because I havent wacked off yet today
#98554 +(320)- [X]
<Crash2xs> smoke time
* spider_gurl smokes
<Crash2xs> I wonder y all the sex workers smoke
#98638 +(413)- [X]
<KillaDawg> I don't want to move to Singapore with you. too humid
<PinkRydergurl> Well, you don't have to wear clothes..you can walk around naked like people in Africa..
<KillaDawg> Uhhhh, people in Africa have large penes, so they can comfortably walk around naked. I'm white; I'm not quite that well-endowed
<PinkRydergurl> Uhhhh, once again, we're talking about SINGAPORE, which is in ASIA....you're more "gifted" than you think you are...
#98661 +(228)- [X]
<J-DOgg> 52. What does cobol stand for?
<J-DOgg> Here's your 1st hint: common bus_____ ________ ________
<GodDess|Lang> really stupid computer language
<GodDess|Lang> that i aced
<GodDess|Lang> and forgot the name
<GLOW|SonicReducer> Completely Obsolete Business Orientated Langauge
#98665 +(1203)- [X]
<CommanderStab> I remember once this girl was stalking me
<CommanderStab> Some french girl named Olivia
<CommanderStab> And whenever I went online there she was on ICQ or MSN or whatever going "RARGH HELLO ^_^_^_^__^_^" and like being ultra-friendly and like doing nothing but complimenting me on whatever the hell she'd come up with for that day
<CommanderStab> And I was like, whatever but I'll put up with it, praise can be hard to come by
<CommanderStab> And then finally she said she was gonna send me a picture and I was like, YES! My patience has payed off =D
<CommanderStab> And I got the picture and I was like WTF?! This is a guy!!
<CommanderStab> How could I have gone 4 months and NOT realised that the guy's nick was "Oliver", not "Olivia" I'll never know >__<
#98680 +(521)- [X]
<Radu> a friend of my dad's in Texas named his daughter Treasure Darling
<Radu> i shit you not
<Tac0> did you fuck her
<Radu> dude, it's his newborn baby, you idiot
<Tac0> whats your point
#98686 +(286)- [X]
<+psychoace> damn fucking netsplits
<+psychoace> when will mirc solve this problem
#98701 +(2181)- [X]
<@Exor[B-AFK]> yeah apparently a teacher in britain was arrested. on him they found a pencil, eraser, ruler, protractor and compass. They said he was part of the Al Gebra network, and that he had weapons of math instruction!
<@Exor[B-AFK]> HA HA.
* Exor[B-AFK] shoots self
#98862 +(220)- [X]
blade|uk: oh no
blade|uk: another AOLer
DONTGIVEU: uh yes
DONTGIVEU: who cares im not a bad aoler
DONTGIVEU: i do good for this room
blade|uk: typical AOLer
blade|uk: it's called a channel
#98863 +(283)- [X]
<punchcard_w0rk> "fuck with me and I convert your job into a shell script"
#98871 +(498)- [X]
<Teeks> Katsmall: Ah. Well, there are similar differences between Norwegian and English.
<Katsmall> Where's Norway?
<Teeks> It's the capital of Canada.
<Teeks> Land of four A's.
<Katsmall> Is that so?
<Katsmall> Which four A's?
<Teeks> The ones in the name ... count them ... O_o ... OH MY GOD! SWEET JESUS! THE LIES!!
#98872 +(231)- [X]
<BoneyCork> irc operators have a musty operator scent
<CG> na ima clean
<BoneyCork> when you go into some houses you can tell they have dogs, others you can tell they smoke
<BoneyCork> i bet if you go into CG's house you think, "irc operator"
#98880 +(352)- [X]
Geeky Weezer Fan: Gay Cruises are for gay people....
onkeybutt87: they are?
onkeybutt87: Dad's not going to be happy about that one
#98898 +(1162)- [X]
<iretch> i love how the only way i can tell which family members are home
<iretch> are which lights are lit up on my hub
#98911 +(332)- [X]
<Bivens> Internet Explorer Tip: when it says "turn off images", it only refers to inline images. Which is why it's safe to go to Goatse but not Tubgirl. I think it's obvious how I figured this out.
#98917 +(289)- [X]
<Snowman> How come I can't hack anything that I try to?
<Snowman> I even used su... I just dont know what do do after that...
<Snowman> Even when I have root...
<TheFat> *sigh* you idiot...
<TheFat> Dont you know, you need uber root not su...
<Snowman> How do I get that
<TheFat> run "halt" then "ur"
<Snowman> Sweet, so i will hack things with ur?
*** Signoff: Snowman (Disconnected)
*** Snowman(email@example.com) has joined channel #hackr
<Snowman> Man... hacking is sooooo gay
#98918 +(645)- [X]
<Aitrus> I have three root canals with crowns scheduled, plus the removal of two wisdom teeth, and two impacted partials. PLUS two fillings.
<Aitrus> my children will be forced to brush at gunpoint.
#98935 +(420)- [X]
<Aitrus> You are standing on the top of a cliff next to a clone of yourself who just so happens to be stark naked. You reach over, and deftly push the clone over the cliff. Is it:
<Aitrus> A: Homicide
<Aitrus> B: Suicide
<Aitrus> C: Just another obscene clone fall
#98997 +(143)- [X]
<teefers> im khaleds rat
<teefers> he pays me $20 an hour to log anything anyone says about him on undernet
<teefers> then i send it to him
<teefers> and he winnukes people
<vulture_> teefers: then log this: Khaled, your programming ineptitude must be the envy of every Microsoft programmer. not to mention, I hate you.
* teefers sends that shit to khaled and watches alex get winnuked h0 h0 h0
* vulture_ nearly injures himself watching tcpdump output...
<Untitled2> I wish I were leet enough to interpret tcpdump raw output real time
<vulture_> ever consider filtering it so you don't have to?
<Untitled2> what would the fun in that be
<vulture_> being able to laugh at someone's winnuke attempts?
<Untitled2> There's an idea
<Untitled2> and have it log to syslog "silly nuke attempt from x.x.x.x
<vulture_> "initiating automatic retaliatory smurf..."