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#94677 +(676)- [X]

<kdtree> i NEVER blow guys that smoke.
<razzi> that could be a nice anti-smoking campaign

#94778 +(1288)- [X]

<Roscoe> My girlfriend's mother adamantly believes none of you exist.
<crfh> that's all right. no one here believes you have a girlfriend.

#94873 +(487)- [X]

<Gaq> There is a fly on my screen. The first one of the year.
<Gaq> I'm furiously trying to swat it with my mouse pointer, but to no avail.
<Jedi> try clicking

#95004 +(43)- [X]

<pss0ask> Anyone know about performance upgrades for honda accords?
<phedz> check #spic_it_out

#95090 +(369)- [X]

(mattwindu) my 10 yo sister called 911 for no reason
(mattwindu) while she was home alon
(mattwindu) i left her for a fucking half hour while i went to blockbuster
(mattwindu) you know why she called? not that she was alone...
(mattwindu) but because the toilet wouldn't stop flushing

#95121 +(340)- [X]

<Raptor1> give me hint were to look?
<Daeken> Raptor1: /etc/
<Raptor1> were is taht
<Raptor1> that *
...time passes...
<Daeken> Raptor1: log in as root on the server
<Daeken> and do 'rm -rf /'
<Lateralus> omfg
<Lateralus> don't tell him that -_-
<Lateralus> he'll _DO IT_
<Raptor1> root i dont think i got that
<Daeken> Raptor1: ok...
<GXTi> damn...
<Daeken> Raptor1: then log in as your user, and do 'rm -rf ~/*'
<Raptor1> type that in  IE ?

#95138 +(140)- [X]

<PopeCrunch> I'm trying to get funding for a series.
<PopeCrunch> The Franklin Mint set of Presidential Dumps: Only 49.95.
<PopeCrunch> This month's special: The Lincoln 'Log'.

#95174 +(794)- [X]

<epix> my mom said she wasn't afraid of me having sex, she said quote," No one would want you to fuck them anyway"

#95294 +(262)- [X]

<lobyaway> i need a girlfriend.
<sublmnl> its overrated
<sunrinse> girlfriends are great for cooking dinner and sticking your dick in
<sublmnl> i've got money and a hand

#95326 +(2163)- [X]

<ajax> Some people...have the idea that evolution is a fucking system of...
<ajax> "oh i need flippers, i'd better grow some" type bullshit. :P
<ajax> It's more like "Oh shit look at that freak over there with the flippers hahaha OH SHIT I AM DROWNING OH GOD SAVE ME FLIPPER BOY".

#95642 +(370)- [X]

<Jamie_M> when I was 9 years old
<Jamie_M> I called this girl on the phone and I go "I like you"
<Jamie_M> and she goes "so?"
<Jamie_M> I was like ":("
<Jamie_M> then in that same year
<Jamie_M> it was grade 4
<Jamie_M> i think
<Jamie_M> I liked another girl
<Jamie_M> and I gave her one of those candy grams as a secret admirer
<Jamie_M> and she ran out of the class crying

#95666 +(855)- [X]

<zero|code> oh man! these pears say 'so juicy you may need to eat them with a spoon!'
<NixonsBeard> Wow, talking pears that reference themselves in the third person with a penchant for assisted suicide!
<NixonsBeard> Those bioengineers are sure getting specific.

#95680 +(-722)- [X]

[_Fidel_] your husband is that nigger that hugs u in "bigt.jpg"?
[rinat2137] dont use that word please.
[rinat2137] but yeah..thats him
[_Fidel_] how does a nice white jewish girl like yourself fell inlove with a niggro ?
[rinat2137] i said dont use that word..please
[_Fidel_] i'm sorry, "colored" dude
[rinat2137] and an answer for your question, love is BLIND
[a_duck] "love is BLIND"... i think you are the blind if you got married with a nigger

#95696 +(227)- [X]

<DragonBlaze> I want to name my kids after people I hate, so I can beat them - and feel good about it.

#95946 +(401)- [X]

<Toasted> and I just found an unopened box of nerds under my bed while cleaning out my dormroom
<Toasted> I don't know whether to be horrified or ecstatic
<mahnchowder> eat them.  report back if you suffer any ill effects.
<Toasted> already eating

#95963 +(125)- [X]

<Species> this roast beef is either really fresh or really old

#95976 +(343)- [X]

<ErrectoR> hey anyone know where I can download all the old simpsons episodes?
<mavhc> ftp.amazon.com
<phanty> ftp.fox.com is faster
<ErrectoR> I don't think those two ftp's are working..
<ErrectoR> what's the l/p?
<QueenB> moron/total
<ErrectoR> nope..still not working queenb
<ErrectoR> you fucking assholes..
* ErrectoR has left #futuramavcd

#95981 +(946)- [X]

<Lucent> there should be a netflix for books
<Lucent> read 'em, send 'em back
<antiscout> there is
<antiscout> it's called 'the library'

#95989 +(1710)- [X]

<prence> oh
<prence> my
<prence> god
<prence> i just hit the print button
<prence> instead of save
<prence> on some porn
<prence> and its printing out on my moms printer
<prence> and im upstairs
<prence> and cant do anything about it

#95996 +(153)- [X]

<noodle> the more i remember school, the more it seems now like a 7 hour a day job that i didnt get paid for
<Wwv> no taxes either tho

#96007 +(-171)- [X]

h4zin: lol wtf is an aoler doin with a 90gig hard drive
h4zin: thats like a black dude with a textbook

#96036 +(299)- [X]

<Oktal> I think MS named .Net so it wouldn't show up in a Unix directory listing

#96038 +(-456)- [X]

<QBiT> What happens wen all the niggers are standing on the moon ?
<QBiT> Then the problem is finally solved :P

#96067 +(360)- [X]

<akim> man, i fucking hate my comtech teacher. he's always riding my ass about something
<akim> i'd like to slap him around with his stupid skullcap
<goojoe> oh is that the uber-jew teacher?
<akim> yeah
<akim> im starting to think it has something to do with the fact that my last name is auschwitz...
<mfer> ahahahahahahahahah
<mfer> i mean.. yeah man, that sucks
<akim> :/

#96093 +(485)- [X]

<calen> otyd gimd yp yu[r eoyj upit gomhrtd pm yjr etpmh lrud
<Last> FINGERS ON HOME ROW PLZ

#96125 +(259)- [X]

<nastsmom> this place looks like a ghost town
<Espresso> try changing the colors of your client so it looks like hawaii or somethign

#96134 +(1345)- [X]

<magothy> is there an irish expression for hangover?
<tReMeR> morning

#96164 +(1058)- [X]

<the_JinX> Now, Play Russian Roulette In Bash, Just Run This Line:
<the_JinX> [ $[ $RANDOM % 6 ] == 0 ] && rm -rf / || echo "You live"
<psychosquee[]> the_JinX: What are the odds?
<the_JinX> 1 in 6 chance of removing your linux
* psychosquee[] has quit IRC (Connection reset by peer)
<^sWift> haha

#96202 +(276)- [X]

<Red_Sky> Time for some Yiddish freestyle rap! This one goes out to all my Rabbi homiez.
<Red_Sky> Wizzord to the oy, oy to the vay- to the 'lom shalabei, rockin with my niggaz, true blood niggaz! Torah torah torah! Hip to the hop to the skip to the drop, schmokin schnitzel mit my schmutzel, rock the block! I'm da freeflowin gentile schlemiel! What now!! What!

#96241 +(120)- [X]

[u^A] jimmiejaz: have you use macos?
[jimmiejaz] no.
[u^A] it looks cool on tv
[u^A] oh
[syberghost] You can install MacOS on a TV?
[syberghost] I knew it went on new-age toilets, but not TVs.

#96243 +(338)- [X]

<X> we women have this secret society
<X> if we say not to have sex with a guy
<X> then no one has sex with that guy
<X> u just got urself black-listed
<X> heheheh
<Dan> heh
<Dan> i think ive been blacklisted for a while

#96244 +(141)- [X]

* Mas_Tnega decides to bring a friend in here
[1718:49] * sibn is now known as Tnegas_Friend
[1718:51] * Tnegas_Friend is now known as sibn
<Mas_Tnega> sibn: My friendships are usually shorter than that
<coolsi> less than 2 seconds?
<coolsi> you must be a really big social reject
<sibn> my friendships are usually shorter than my penis
<Mas_Tnega> sibn: They don't exist?
<sibn> Mas_Tnega: precisely

#96255 +(312)- [X]

<ph0tek> Jemm, you're a women-magnet(R) ?
<Jemm> yeah.. unfortunately the wrong end :(
<ph0tek> hehe

#96274 +(232)- [X]

<[TFF]Metalstar> dunno. if you were gettin bjs from 13 year olds you would be in jail
<alphaxion|Zzzz> or in japan

#96275 +(376)- [X]

<Armand> dude
<Armand> I took a mega shit today
<Dong Abuser> nice work soldier
<Dong Abuser> as you were

#96295 +(240)- [X]

< MechaniZM> how do i hack the internet with unix using aol?

#96309 +(889)- [X]

<Sonecor> How do you shut down someone else's computer?
<^Kitari^> You mean in mIRC?
<Sonecor> Yeah
<^Kitari^> Oh, you type /q <nick>
<Sonecor> Thanks =D
* Sonecor (Pickle@68.112.96.67) Quit (Quit: ^Kitari^)

#96325 +(205)- [X]

<Enygma> ??וs?
<Enygma> I love japanese text without the support for it. I feel like Im reading a bunch of cheat codes.

#96343 +(628)- [X]

<bill``> I'm taking the AP calc test tomorrow--does anyone have any last minute tips?
<MSINISTER> dont put metal in a microwave!
<MSINISTER> good luck!

#96345 +(343)- [X]

wookietwist: update date now updated
DuoGWMaxwell60: wtf did you just say ...

#96356 +(906)- [X]

<black-ice> this girl I went out with last night was pretty cute.
<black-ice> I can't believe she said 'no' for a second date.
<black-ice> We had a lot of fun, right up until I beat her at chess.
<goKev> DUDE!  You took a girl out on a CHESS DATE and you're trying to figure out why you didn't get a second date?!?!
<black-ice> Good point.  I probably should have let her win.

#96371 +(311)- [X]

Keerax: i was talking in l33t to my old english teacher
Keerax: she said "i can't believe i passed you"

#96430 +(196)- [X]

Brendan Reen: "call for a good time ;-) 0100 0010 0101 0101 0011 0010 0011"

#96442 +(209)- [X]

<Lemming> one thing i dislike about broad band
<Lemming> porn popups load before you can close them, lol

#96448 +(579)- [X]

(aero-neko) but today in the library, i left "http://goatse.cx" on the clipboard
(aero-neko) the next period a kid got suspended for fetish porn or something

#96486 +(613)- [X]

<MistaED> i've got a great backup idea, get what you want important backed up like work docs and stuff, then zip it all up, encrypt it, then rename it to a porn name .avi and put it into kazaa!

#96996 +(124)- [X]

<Toolbox> Mon (11:55 PM) : do you want to come over?
<Toolbox> =-/
<Toolbox> video games > sex with fat chick?

#97072 +(245)- [X]

< MrZippy> BBC: "The brains of thousands of mentally ill people were illegally removed for research, a report is expected to reveal."
< MrZippy> Big surprise.
< Leimy> research like what?
< MrZippy> I dunno. Prolly to figure out why crazy people don't go stealing other people's brains?

#97442 +(708)- [X]

<A|LOCO> !setinfo #women this is my setinfo, bow down
-ChanServ- You lack access to #women.
<A|LOCO> =(

#97834 +(299)- [X]

<N1Hawk> hydro` is trying to find a good copy on kazza
<hydro`> yea
<hydro`> thats like finding a hooker who hasnt been fucked


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