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#84811 +(947)- [X]

MicrowavedPuppy: I was detailing etc on the car today
MicrowavedPuppy: and this like 6 year old comes up all timid
MicrowavedPuppy: she says,hi i like your car alot
MicrowavedPuppy: i might want one just like it when i grow up
MicrowavedPuppy: then she goes
MicrowavedPuppy: APRIL FOOLS!
MicrowavedPuppy: and runs off laughing her ass off to her friends in the street

#84813 +(457)- [X]

<matt> mang
<matt> i gotta send some logs down stream
<matt> but my roommate just got in the shower
<markus> so go stank up the bathroom
<matt> i assume the door is locked
<markus> just push it under the door then

#84814 +(417)- [X]

<CommanderStab> When I was 10 me and this friend of mine who was four years older than me made this Visual Basic game called Fatal Move. Basically these pictures he drew would pop up with some text like "This guy is a geek! Let's kill him!!" and then if you clicked yes another picture would be shown with him dead, and if you clicked no some guy called you a wimp and the game quit.
<Bleeding> did the irony of u saying 'lets kill geeks' in a game u wrote in vb ever sink in?
<CommanderStab> His character was called "Carrot Head" and he was this cool looking carrot with a special knife.
<CommanderStab> My chracter was "Unco-body the Head Shaker" who was some retarded guy with a gun he couldn't aim properly with, and he just sat there laughing goofily all the time.
<Bleeding> gee let me guess who wore the pants in ur friendship

#84825 +(99)- [X]

<Hostile blinks>
<MacBinaryBot> You blink, I stink, we're pink.
<Hostile> you dink
<MacBinaryBot> You kink
<Hostile> youd think
<MacBinaryBot> You're gonna sink.
<Hostile> ok *wink*
<MacBinaryBot> heh
<MacBinaryBot> Time to twink.
<Hostile> silly chink
<MacBinaryBot> Long link
<Hostile> is it mink?
<MacBinaryBot> Need zinc!
<Hostile> lol you wrink
<MacBinaryBot> You're covered in ink.
<Hostile> bah thats what i was gonna use, you .... erm bink -.-
<Hostile> k i lose
<Hostile> *cry*
<MacBinaryBot> lol, finque
<Hostile> -.-
<Hostile> time for me to go shrink

#84833 +(407)- [X]

<Liam> my sister had friends over and of course she likes to look cool in front of them by doing funny stuff
<Liam> so i had just come back to my room from eating
<Liam> and i decided to whack it
<Liam> and i hopped on my bed and unzipped quietly
<Liam> and then i just hear this laughing
<Liam> and i sit up
<Liam> and i realize my sister is _under my bed_
<Liam> i zipped back up before she got out and noticed, screamed at her and kicked her out

#84837 +(136)- [X]

[redbeard ] fuck I feel like shit
[invertiga] stores close soon, might be a bit hard to pick up some :p

#84849 +(231)- [X]

<JesterX> i wish i had anorexia
<JesterX> i could save money and buy RAM or something

#84870 +(239)- [X]

<Allison> what was that website
<Allison> with all the IRC quotes
<Allison> bang.org or somethin

#84878 +(264)- [X]

<@|-ZenitH-|> cow
<@|-ZenitH-|> I been on many travels
<@|-ZenitH-|> but today
<@|-ZenitH-|> I saw a guy in a wheelchair try to play D.D.R
<@|-ZenitH-|> as I walked from my bus to the train station passing the local brisbane city arcade
<@|-ZenitH-|> The people surrounding him were thinking the same thing cow :P
<@|-ZenitH-|> many tried to hide it
<@|-ZenitH-|> since I was just walking past I felt it was my duty to laugh out loud.

#84890 +(841)- [X]

<Urban> Pardon my french
<@RickBitch> don't you mean "pardon my freedom"?

#84891 +(274)- [X]

<control_m> hi.. im 21/m :) any girl here want to remote control my pc, and use and abuse it to make me slave? i have Radmin and Netbus 2,1 Servers running on 80.213.12.2 and i have autoaccept on if you want to send me another program or something? msg me? :)

#85000 +(309)- [X]

sidacola: I wonder if the house would burn down if I set it on fire?
sidacola: Er, I meant the incense stick, not the house.

#85121 +(502)- [X]

(ginge): find 'bandages' when you have a dong, its dead good
(ginge): dong? i meant chance
(ginge): wtf is on my mind?!

#85183 +(60)- [X]

<CyberTech> ever seen tremors?
<CyberTech> hehe
<CyberTech> i do have thoughts on living in the desert
<CyberTech> in my own bunker
<Terron> as long as I had DSL, i would

#85209 +(691)- [X]

*** gimpoid (~jj@adsl173-22.powerdsl.com.au) has joined #mpeg3c
<gimpoid> hey
<lut> sup gimp
<gimpoid> not much
<gimpoid> lud ?
<gimpoid> got fired
<gimpoid> need work :'(
<DrBK> HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!
<DrBK> oops
<DrBK> wrong channel

#85232 +(104)- [X]

<das_das> uhhh god..eww...argh....somehow my playlist just rolled around to creed
<das_das> wtf do I even have creed on my comp :P
<ApoIIyon> i have creed on mine
<ApoIIyon> they..are..okay if u take away the whole.. WE FUCK JESUS every night part
<das_das> dude creed is like eating a fine meal, vomiting, eating the vomit, and vomiting again

#85251 +(647)- [X]

<skmt> not really. once i reach level 20 virgin, i get a masturbation skill point.
<PACHUKA> skmt: that is the dorkiest think ever said

#85252 +(691)- [X]

<StmChser> Are you aware of the discovery in the human body of a nerve that connects the eyeball to the asshole?
<Trilky> heh?
<StmChser> It's called the anal optic nerve. It is responsible for giving people a shitty outlook on life
<hanzglo-> wtf?
<StmChser> If you don't believe me, pulla hair from your asshole and see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eye

#85363 +(367)- [X]

<@Megaman984> So, would the Old Testament be First Edition, New Testament Second, and the Koran Third?
<+MegamanX2K> yeah
<+MegamanX2K> which explains the crusades
<+MegamanX2K> they were burning 3rd edition heretics
<+MegamanX2K> good thing Jerusalem made a saving throw

#85394 +(-3)- [X]

<^Laz> we were talking about how little I weigh
<Geoff-> lol
<Geoff-> that's right
<^Laz> and then you said "I bet I could pick you up with one arm"
<^Laz> and then you did
<Geoff-> your never going to forget i picked you up with 1 arm are you?
<^Laz> it was very memorable

#85396 +(95)- [X]

Albinogodzilla1: hes at a musical....yes I think hes gay...no I cant prove it

#85402 +(226)- [X]

<enid> laz. sounds like you just need to get sex.
<enid> hold on, i'll scan my tits for you.
<^Laz> yeah... theres been a serious lack of that lately for me
<^Laz> lately being the last 20 years

#85403 +(1817)- [X]

<Curufin> You know, I think there's a point in your life when you realize that life's just not worth it anymore. When you're giving more than you're taking, and there's just no joy left in life.
<Eldamehomework> Curufin; that's what ice cream is for :-D
<Curufin> I'm lactose intolerant.

#85408 +(716)- [X]

* Avatar|NO3 gives Crispy a can of Lone Star beer
<Crispy> never heard of it
<Avatar|NO3> It's vile. Even Mexicans won't drink it.
<Avatar|NO3> In a choice between Lone Star and piss, 80% of people chose piss. For the flavor.
<Zurvan> and the other 20%?
<Avatar|NO3> The other 20% thought both cups had piss.

#85446 +(547)- [X]

<DemonEater> "This is Pearl Jam.  This is Jesus.  This is Pearl Jam on Jesus.  Please, say no to Creed"

#85466 +(297)- [X]

<@crispexi> hah i think i went sober for a second there
<@crispexi> that was weird

#85486 +(1993)- [X]

<Perrin> FUCKING CANDY BAG
<Perrin> OPEN
<Perrin> OPEN]
<Perrin> OPEN
<Perrin> ARHAGHAHGS
<Perrin> NO
<Perrin> NOT DOWN THE SIDE
<Perrin> FARHAHFANSKDFASD

#85508 +(259)- [X]

<uneekwahn> you know what I hate
<uneekwahn> when you bring a hot chick home
<uneekwahn> you've got a pc in your bedroom
<uneekwahn> and she finds a pubic hair on the keyboard :(

#85514 +(13340)- [X]

<Reverend> IRC is just multiplayer notepad.

#85524 +(-9)- [X]

<SirGoblin> Anti = fat.
<Anti> doh
****** Anti thwacks SirGoblin
<Jante> SirGoblin = gay.
<SirGoblin> better than fat ;/
<Jante> no..
<Jante> fat people can loose weight
<Jante> gay people will have to live with the fact that they've had a dick up da bum

#85537 +(191)- [X]

<toe-sleep> i tell you what. if i had my way...
<toe-sleep> i'd be the one writing the propoganda leaflets america drops on baghdad
<toe-sleep> say shit like
<toe-sleep> "say no to saddam and in 6 months you're eating big macs!"
<fysh> get the mc'kebab buy one get one free mondays only
<fysh> KEBAB MONDAY
<toe-sleep> "resistance is futile. opertion desert mcdonalds franchise will succeed"
<toe-sleep> "would you like some freedom fries with that?"
<fysh> brought to you by CENTCOM AND THE UNITED MCDONALD FREEDOM FUND
<toe-sleep> (a corporation of SONY)

#85544 +(179)- [X]

<exe|Die> what is an awkward?
<jonsae> i hope you're joking
<jonsae> exe|Die
<exe|Die> i think it's a vegetable
<exe|Die> or fruit

#85552 +(267)- [X]

(@Sabrejack): if you dropped the soap in front of evets, he'd fuck you in the ass, implant a tracking device, a keylogger, a virus, and a self-hiding trojan to make you drop the soap on command.

#85556 +(319)- [X]

<Deim0s|Medic> I used to live down the road from a brothel
<Deim0s|Medic> It was on TV
<Maestro|Medic> kewl
<Deim0s|Medic> ya
<Deim0s|Medic> err
<Deim0s|Medic> I never went in
<Jabberwocky> and if you did, you went in for the articles.

#85565 +(297)- [X]

<revision> in biochem class today, and our teacher, has the hugest fastest ass ever, massive fat ass right.
<revision> so hes writing on the board, and moving as he goes, when all of a sudden *WHACK*. he turned around too fast and his FAT ass hit the corner of his desk reall really hard.
<revision> lol drops to the ground for like 30 seconds while clutching his rump, then gets up and runs out, blubbering all the way.
<revision> i have never laughed so hard at someone elses expense.

#85648 +(466)- [X]

<Lord_Red> how did they screw up
<TheDingo> first, they somehow forgot i'd asked for an oil change, which was my main reason i'd brought in the car
<TheDingo> second, they didn't check to make sure WHICH john white i was, and had me listed as some guy in lancaster KY
<TheDingo> they tried calling me last night to say my car wouldn't be ready, but they called this other guy instead, who was quite confused, as he'd never owned a voyager in his life
<Lord_Red> demand money off your bill
<TheDingo> i got them back
<TheDingo> i took TWO donuts from the customer lounge

#85649 +(137)- [X]

<Kai-Bach> 900 years, hensons hand up your butt, not as good you will look

#85742 +(95)- [X]

<SLIMMTHUG> whats that link 4 that site
<SLIMMTHUG> where its alot of little sites
<SLIMMTHUG> jumpin around on the screen
<SLIMMTHUG> u click it
<SLIMMTHUG> and these lil windows
<DooD> http://www.catholicninjas.org/superfuntime <-- try there, see if they have it
<SLIMMTHUG> aint that the thing?
<DooD> nah
<DooD> it's a site that links to it
<SLIMMTHUG> COTDAMN U DOOD
<SLIMMTHUG> THAT WAS IT
*** SLIMMTHUG (nosrevia1@AC868011.ipt.aol.com) has left #cnn

#85825 +(8)- [X]

<CommanderStab> Wow, bash.org is now 5000 quotes behind ^^;;
<CommanderStab> Still, that isn't to bad.
<CommanderStab> You can submit a quote and by the time they see and accept it you'll have forgotten what you said and you can laugh again when you read it.
<Mataki> You need to say something funny first, CS
<CommanderStab> Meanwhile YOU actually need to say something that isn't simply insulting me ^_-
<Mataki> But that IS funny

#85850 +(-1)- [X]

<SherP> and even if i do lick cum
<SherP> its my own cum

#85857 +(35)- [X]

<Hav0c> man you know you had a good workout when you pull your shorts out of the wash and they still smell like shit

#85859 +(343)- [X]

<{o_o}> occupation isn't liberation, killing & mainimg children isn't liberation, you guys need a reality check
* {o_o} has quit IRC (Killed ((politically hostile. situation diplomaticaly resolved under IRC Security Council Resolution 1422)))

#85864 +(218)- [X]

<+LS|Krylar> how much caffeine does it take before u get the shakes?
<+void_> that depends on how strong you want the shakes to be

#85870 +(576)- [X]

<Asuka_Aogiri> I mean, when I pet my cat while she's in heat, I think to myself 'This is the closest I'll get to touching a horny female in my entire life...cool.'
<Shinra> You stroked that hot pussy, eh?
<Josh_Aogiri> ...that's the most disturbing thing you've ever said.
<Asuka_Aogiri> Totally.

#85873 +(351)- [X]

<JesterX> am i lagged or are you all jackin off?

#85875 +(434)- [X]

<MG5> clearly FFX-2 is not a game I'll be able to play with my pants on

#85877 +(165)- [X]

<Gazoo> Wow, I'm gonna get laid.
<Gazoo> Right now
<Gazoo> And it's not internet sex!

#85892 +(542)- [X]

< HomeBrewR> man, i wish today was friday
<@LucyFerr> it is
< HomeBrewR> cool! do i get 2 more wishes?
<@LucyFerr> only if you rub the lamp
< HomeBrewR> already did that today

#85899 +(340)- [X]

* unchellmatt does the RAID lovers cheer... "ARRAY! ARRAY!"

#85900 +(163)- [X]

<Da> US officers say they have found thousands of boxes containing vials of white powder and liquid at a "suspicious site" near Latifiya south of Baghdad.
<Da> sounds like a fuckin party!


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