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#75570 +(-20)- [X]

<goatasaur> i'm so dark watermelons eat ME

#75579 +(147)- [X]

<Grim> You know you've been spending too much time around computers when:
<Grim> You take a sip of your coffee, find out it's cold, and try to remember if you have a backup ):

#75583 +(351)- [X]

<EvILEyE|ESC> I just put a deep gash in my toe
<Bean_Bandit> Good job!
* Bean_Bandit gives EvILEyE|ESC 10 points.
<Goku_D_Luffy> use ur evil powers to heal it
<EvILEyE|ESC> I put rubbing alchohol on it
<Bean_Bandit> Try saltwater next time.
<Kuno> try vinigar
<Swaydude|Naptime> iodine hurts more
<Kuno> ketchup
<Bean_Bandit> WASABI

#75585 +(487)- [X]

<+Iceman> God I'm tired...I actually wrote "teh soldiers pwn Hitler" on a notecard for a research report...

#75586 +(160)- [X]

(after a nasty couple of netsplits)
<Knux> frea,y
<Knux> freaky even
<Knux> i say i forgot i cooked two hotpockets, everyone leaves
<Knux> i finish eating the hotpocket, everyone comes back
<MaroonJung> knux, you are clearly a god

#75590 +(259)- [X]

<Vigil> You know, I think I must be frequented by chapstick gnomes. I have no idea what they do with the fuckers, but they've carried off three this month.

#75597 +(130)- [X]

<iCARUS> thats cos ya gf is loose
<edeity> yeah. shes pretty cool

#75601 +(1124)- [X]

<Silvercrush> I craved a little man in woodshop today
<Silvercrush> omg... carved :(

#75602 +(700)- [X]

<Nyssa> 98 is like that slutty girl next door, that asks all the young highschool boys to wash her car but drinks her glass of wine and stares at them through the window with a creepy smile.
<SickHumour> That has to be the most fucked up analogy that I've ever heard.

#75603 +(119)- [X]

<white_tx3> i was at a pet store in the western suburbs of melbourne doing a quote with my boss and in the window where the cats where there was a sign that said these cats are for pets only???

#75614 +(152)- [X]

<r4ge> i just connect to eu.undernet.org or us.undernet.org
<r4ge> lucky dip ;D
<_Godless_> I thought I was taking a lucky dip once
<_Godless_> then I got herpes

#75619 +(229)- [X]

<Caldavien> omg I think Im gonna puke
<Mdar> ??
<Caldavien> I was browsing bash.org
<Caldavien> and some one said some thing about this "tubgirl.jpg"
<Caldavien> and I did a search
<Mdar> you did a google for tubgirl?
<Caldavien> yes
<Caldavien> it was bad

#75634 +(793)- [X]

<Jinxed> [N] Cannot join channel #vagina (Invite only)
<Kreegle> story of your life eh Jinxed?

#75636 +(-155)- [X]

<jjwalker> hhmmm, not breathing isnt good
<Mulvane> jjwalker:  it is for you
<Mulvane> Or least for us if you dont
<+seraph> jjwalker: that just earned you a spot on bash.org
<jjwalker> huh?
<jjwalker> I didn't say anyhting funny
<Mulvane> the ever faithful reply one can expect from jjwalker ..
<Mulvane> "huh?"

#75641 +(280)- [X]

<black_dub> Konami isn't American, IIRC.
<Wanderer> No, they are as Japanese as bukkake and Pocky.
<MMK> Which would be a *great* name for an anime cover band.
<Nash> Thank you, Knight. You have brightened my entire week.

#75644 +(146)- [X]

<madslim> man i've drunk so much beer today
<madslim> i feel like i've put on 500 pounds
<cutwrk> ./nick madfat

#75645 +(173)- [X]

<cricket> I'm sure horse semen is just as tasty as regular semen

#75646 +(220)- [X]

<[pxd]Dan> is it me or does every boy / girl online in the use or canada have parents who are divorced or separated or close to
<I_AM_AVRIL> most of them just do it for the sympathy
<I_AM_AVRIL> and while we're on the subject, my mums dead
<I_AM_AVRIL> and i slit my wrists

#75651 +(383)- [X]

KArmA-: telemarketer: yeah, I need to speak to your office manager please(very gruff voice)
KArmA-: me: who the fuck do you think you're talking to?
KArmA-: telemarketer: are you the office manager?
KArmA-: me: no asshole, I said, who do you think you're talking to, with that tone of voice
KArmA-: me: you don't call up and start barking at me like that
KArmA-: telemarketer: well sir I'm sorry but I need to speak to your office manager.
KArmA-: me: for what? he normally doesn't take phone calls for yard apes. . . what do you need to talk to him about that's so special?
KArmA-: telemarketer: !(#*%@ EXCUSE ME?! YARD APE?!?! WHAT IS YOUR NAME!?!?
KArmA-: me: *click*

#75653 +(441)- [X]

<BustaNutt> I was working in a movie theatre one time and a mother just threw her crying baby on the hard ground, i was like WTF!! the other ushers had to calm me down coz i was fuckin pissed the rest of the day
<Abstruse> Busta: I almost had to call the cops on this one woman when I was working in the bookstore because her child calmly walked up and quietly asked 'Momma, can I have this book?" and she smacked the SHIT out of him.  I told her to get out, and she threw a fit.
<BustaNutt> ABstruse, she beat the kid just for asking for a book?
<Abstruse> That's not even the most fucked up part.  The most fucked up part is that she worked for a shelter for battered women and children.

#75654 +(460)- [X]

<Volt9000> huh huh huh huh this job title is "Unit Manager"
<Volt9000> I can manage my own unit just fine
<DopefishJustin> Volt: you must be good at micromanagement ;)

#75660 +(164)- [X]

<Disciple> i wish i could cut from my computer and paste to my homework
<Disciple> writing is teh sux

#75661 +(-37)- [X]

<SpaceCow> of COURSE they had computers in the 40's
<SpaceCow> how else do you think they invented jews?
<Volt9000> Jews aren't INVENTED
<Volt9000> jews are GROWN
<Volt9000> you plant a Jew Seed (2 ounces of foreskin) and it grows into a Jew Tree
<RollingBrass> the way you can tell that they are ripe is that the nose to body size ratio is 3:1

#75683 +(665)- [X]

<chem0stor> they called it PMS because mad cow disease was already taken
<Walty> Quoting bash is like masturbating, people know you do it.

#75705 +(365)- [X]

* lasvegasgamer eats Girl Scouts
<lasvegasgamer> err...Girl Scout Cookies

#75711 +(209)- [X]

Mike G4 007: return [[HotChick alloc] initWithCupSize:C];
dorkremi: :-|
dorkremi: if ([girl wantSex] != YES) [self setLocation:JAIL];
Mike G4 007: undefied reference: JAIL
dorkremi: typedef enum { HOME, JAIL, UP_YOUR_ASS } places;
dorkremi: There.

#75719 +(347)- [X]

* Phht frowns. Why the fuck did GTA3 get game of the year? -_-
<Corvus> Because it "broke the rules".
<Corvus> You got to be naughty.
<CGold> So what's going to be game of the year next year?
<CGold> "Michael Jackson's Pro Pedophelia 2003"?
<Corvus> Oh yeah.
<Corvus> Make sure you have Vibration turned On when you play it.

#75720 +(573)- [X]

<KANG> you know you're bored when you boot up ad-aware 5.8 and 6.0 and watch them race

#75725 +(256)- [X]

<JonM> I had dyslexia as a child, I wrote about it in my dairy...

#75731 +(167)- [X]

<Hoplite^^> no, she is the daughter of my secretary
<Hoplite^^> she is 18
<saiyane> oh my
<saiyane> rather risque
<Hoplite^^> in what way?
<saiyane> well I take it your secretary doesnt know

#75735 +(81)- [X]

<Flirbnic> I want my foreskin back :(
<Jim`> I don't have any extra to give you, Flirb, or I would.
<Jim`> People who choose to be circumsized later in life should donate their foreskins to be grafted on to poor penises like yours. Wouldn't it be cool if they grafted a black guy's on?

#75736 +(348)- [X]

<|2SX||atWork|> i think i only have jvm installed :)
<Cavey> Can you run java jars?
<|2SX||atWork|> .jar files are just zip files
<Cavey> Essentially, yes
<|2SX||atWork|> its not broken, just all the channels talking comes up in one window, and i forget which channel ive set to type in, so i see u talking and just reply to the wrong chan
<Cavey> Hehe
<|2SX||atWork|> sorry wrong chan
<Cavey> I guessed
<|2SX||atWork|> i cant believe i explained why i was typing in the wrong chan into the wrong chan.. i hate this client
<Cavey> ROFL

#75747 +(-30)- [X]

( Keebs ) Sheri has a secret she needs to tell me.
( Keebs ) :|
( +[steev] ) shes prego
( Keebs ) [steev]: lol.... she's already got a kid.
( +[steev] ) shes prego again
( Keebs ) Nah.
( +[steev] ) she found someone else
( Keebs ) We never dated.
( +[steev] ) o wait, i know the secret
( +[steev] ) you are the father!
( Keebs ) We never fucked.
( +[steev] ) that you remember
( Keebs ) That I know of.
( Cosmok ) that would make a good bash
( Keebs ) Oh shit

#75754 +(213)- [X]

<abel> !8ball Did I just fart?
<ChanServ> abel: It is decidedly so.

#75766 +(68)- [X]

-[AfZ]b-man- what do u say in america when u stroke the dick so it comes cum?

#75769 +(297)- [X]

<Allio> i was pulling out my rca cable from my tv
<Allio> and i accidentally whipped myself in the nuts

#75778 +(488)- [X]

<comiclover333> oh man today in english we were talking about wld std stuff and my english teacher said that all americans thought we were invincible and then 9/11 happened and now we know were not invincible or something and she said now people are scared and stuff, i dont really know, but then i quoted some rapper and said bullets to our nuts only make our balls fatter
<comiclover333> u know i had never met our assistant principal until today

#75781 +(297)- [X]

* Volt9000 gazes through binoculars at DopefishJustin "And here we have the nerd, in his natural habitat, the Star Trek convention. Notice his pale skin and thick glasses, typical of the species nerdius nevergonnagetlaidius."

#75782 +(509)- [X]

<Gandalf> I think I'm a tad fucked up
<Gandalf> had a wet dream last night that may have involved computer hardware... :/
<Petrock> Bwhahahahahahahahahahahahah
<Petrock> Bwhahahahahahahahahahahahah
<Petrock> Bwhahahahahahahahahahahahah
<Gandalf> not funny dude
<Gandalf> if this is going up I will kill you

#75787 +(118)- [X]

<Blood_Luster> I hope I get a life like that
<Blood_Luster> stealing money... hackin'... boning that chick from friends
<Blood_Luster> good times

#75792 +(125)- [X]

<puttputt> Who thinks this would taste ok? Spaghetti sauce comprising of mince meat, condensed tomato soup, some water, onions, garlic
* Robzy has no idea...
<puttputt> neither do I.. but it might be alright.. oh, I got veggies too so I'll throw them in as well.
<orlock> sounds fine to me
<orlock> actually, that sounds damn nice
<orlock> i'm hungry now
<orlock> asshole

#75793 +(309)- [X]

<+DrPoole> my muscles are huge since i became a gym fag
* thom cannot make that statement any funnier, so he keeps his mouth shut for a change. :)

#75794 +(431)- [X]

<McMoo> i almost done froze on my way to school on monday
<Durandal_> hehe
<Durandal_> luckily i have an extra layer of winter insulation built onto my midsection
<timmo> fatass
<Badtz> fatty
<Dekkon> fattie
<Livewireo> Goddamn fatty
* Durandal_ can feel the love in this channel.
<Dekkon> it runs deep

#75796 +(447)- [X]

* a17geL637 huggles anthony
* Ariyn rubs anthony's face in his manboobs
<Anthony> YAAAAAAAY! and NOOOOOOOOO! respectivelyyyyyyyy!!!

#75802 +(418)- [X]

<Volt9000> Grog is where it's at
<AL9000> Yar!
<Volt9000> Do you mock me?
<AL9000> No, I'm agreeing with you
<Volt9000> LIAR! You mock me with your pirate attitude!
<Volt9000> I'll make you WALK TEH PLAKN!!!!11
* AL9000 yanks off Volt's pants

#75820 +(493)- [X]

*** Darth_Jon was kicked by wombat (oh no, you've gone back in time to when the channel didn't have you in it)

#75825 +(82)- [X]

<b00st> the average american pussy takes half a mile of dick every year
<CaSti||o> damn negroes
<CaSti||o> thatslike 5 of them

#75828 +(333)- [X]

* Cyst slaps Aranarth.
* Cyst runs away.
* Aranarth wonders what the hell.
<Aranarth> ..
<Aranarth> missed two periods :p
<Cirith> you're probably pregnant
<Aranarth> Cyst impregnated me with a slap?
<Cirith> well, you did miss two periods
<Aranarth> No, they were just late

#75831 +(100)- [X]

<Leaf> why do rnb artists alays have names like man whores

#75832 +(1087)- [X]

<+nexx> im thinking of quitting university to spend my life reading every quote on bash.org, quote this on bash so when im 30 ill read this and remember where my life went wrong.

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