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#74147 +(651)- [X]

<@cray> ^^_
<@cray> oh shit
<@cray> picasso smilies
<@cray> ^_^

#74148 +(1306)- [X]

<DrNick668> i was clever enough to flush a condom in a toilet and now if i look down the drain in my bathroom there is a condom snagged on something hanging halfway down the hole
<DrNick668> i can't move it
<Livewireo> drain the toilet and dig it out
<c-rOCK> fuck that
<c-rOCK> eat some burritos
<c-rOCK> attack with force.

#74150 +(256)- [X]

<SirTimbly> Does it say something about me when my idea of a peaceful evening is when I'm curled up in front of the warm glow of a CRT with a good PDF?

#74159 +(24)- [X]

<downizzlslopizl> i vote for steve erwin for the internet's patron saint
<DrFurious> i nominate hitler
<DrFurious> saint hitler
<beej> ...
<beej> well he did kill millions of the religious opposition
<beej> I guess
<DrFurious> yeah
<beej> if you wanna look at it that way
<DrFurious> and he stopped the depression
<beej> there is that
<downizzlslopizl> he almost got rid of those dirty jews
<beej> he revived the german furnace indistry
<downizzlslopizl> omg bj
<DrFurious> haha
<downizzlslopizl> that was the msot horrible thing
<DrFurious> haha
<downizzlslopizl> i ever heard
<downizzlslopizl> rofl
<DrFurious> his freezing experiments furthered science in leaps and bounds

#74164 +(1632)- [X]

<ziz> i wrote a haiku
<ziz> but it is not very good
<ziz> so i won't share it
<Nastard> i wrote one myself
<Nastard> it is much better than yours
<Nastard> i should write some more

#74183 +(735)- [X]

<CommanderStab> I once knew a guy who impersonated a teenage girl on the Internet
<CommanderStab> He tricked married men into believing he was a 14 year old Swedish girl and then said that "she'd like to get a call from him but Dad woudl get suspicious if he heard the phone ring".
<CommanderStab> So they'd give him their phone number and he'd use it to trace their addresses down and find out information about them.
<CommanderStab> Then he'd blackmail them into giving him their bank account details.
<heythere> ... did he get caught? ^^"
<CommanderStab> Apparantely the cops came around a couple of times investigating him. He always told the cops that he had got the information pretending to be a 14 year old girl that the men had wanted to get in contact with.
<CommanderStab> Apparantely nobody ever pressed further charges =D
<heythere> damn ... i gotta try that!

#74191 +(335)- [X]

<[ _Bender_ ]> Guys, I've a copy of Norton AntiVirus 2002... Can I still install that this year?

#74201 +(668)- [X]

<IndianElvis>: I AM NOT TALKING LOUD I AM JUST USED TO THIS , I AM A COBOL PROGRAMMER

#74208 +(158)- [X]

<jGoo> i wish when you guessed a channels key it didnt say (need correct key), i recon it should say things like (warmer) (WARMER) (HOT!!)
<jGoo> .....?
<jGoo> does this nick make me look fat?

#74327 +(231)- [X]

<Imajin> I bet you havent heard of Hingham MA either.
<Foom> no, but i've heard of MA.
<||bass> ive seen MA on the map....
<||bass> it's purple!
<||bass> :D

#74330 +(267)- [X]

<shigelojoe>Y'know, the NAACP is always complaining about how black unemployment is up half the time
<shigelojoe>but if you think about it, the last time there were no unemployed black people in America, they didn't have benefits to go with it
<shigelojoe>like freedom, for instance

#74372 +(492)- [X]

<Apollo-> 12,000 tourists went to Antarctica in 2000
<eclypse> why the hell would you want to go there ;)
<eclypse> "WOW, its insanely cold and very white."
<eclypse> "if you look to your left you see some snow, to the right, some snow, behind us, a bigass piece of ice."
<eclypse> "and if you look around you you'll see several more complete morons who paid about what you did to see this shit"

#74453 +(41)- [X]

<timmo> i need to learn the piano part to
<timmo> journey - faithfully
<Mutation> heh, never heard of that, whats the genre?
<McMoo> you've never heard of journey?
<Mutation> they could be only american....
<Mutation> and havn't tried to go international yet

#74455 +(283)- [X]

<treepwood> i wanna go anna nicole tipping

#74464 +(95)- [X]

<Spingo> I know of many MAN installations. I have even done a few myself.

#74488 +(128)- [X]

( +la_haine ) some bloke just turned up at my office saying he was here for an interview with the BBC
( mademoiselle ) wtf
( +la_haine ) that's what I said
( _seb_ ) do you work at the bbc?
( +la_haine ) well, no
( +la_haine ) hence my confusion
( mademoiselle ) it would have been even funnier if you were in taiwan
( _seb_ ) ah then i can see how you would be confused
( +seraph ) ROFL
( +la_haine ) it's like 'sorry, I think you're in the wrong city'
( mademoiselle ) hehe
( +la_haine ) 'there's no BBC here'
( +la_haine ) 'you want London - about 2 hours that way'

#74519 +(320)- [X]

<sirex> is there an enlightenment key sequence to run a command without a shell?
<Ralp> Probably
<sirex> thanks ralp
<Ralp> I'm here to help!
<Ralp> Wait, no I'm not, I'm here to avoid the drudgery of my real life and wallow in denial.

#74523 +(714)- [X]

AdamGoods> A seagull just took my sandwich!
AdamGoods> brb!!!!
AdamGoods> Ok, we're good now. I traded it some tylenol for my sandwich back.
AdamGoods> Wait, this isn't mayo!!!
AdamGoods> Nobody say anything.
AdamGoods> I'm a one man show.
AdamGoods> I'm a one man band. I can walk in my corduroys and play the kazoo!
AdamGoods> Ziddlelum Zum Zuuuuum ZEEP!
Fink-Ployd has quit IRC (QUIT: Stealing in the name of the lord.)
AdamGoods> No, don't leave! I was just kdding!! I get why your name is so funny!
AdamGoods> *kidding
AdamGoods> whew. that was close. didn't want you guys to think that I couldn't spell kidding
AdamGoods> *kdding
uni2> gHg t
KiKAzZ> AdamGoods.....
KiKAzZ> wtf is wrong with yo
KiKAzZ> you*
AdamGoods> Oh...phew.
AdamGoods> I thought you were asking me what's wrong with yo. I have no problem with the aforementioned Spanish pronoun/ebonic salutation.

#74526 +(788)- [X]

<[ccp]Gib_Omelet|work> i know one mac user. he says if i keep teasing him, he's gonna call the other 6 and beat me up

#74533 +(1161)- [X]

(@OriX): "Shaggy, you Scoob and Velma go downstairs and check the basement; Daphne and I'll go upstairs and check the bedrooms".
(@OriX): Freddy, you magnificent bastard.

#74534 +(463)- [X]

<Graceless> I've learned that I cannot make someone love me. All I can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

#74543 +(86)- [X]

< AxisV> thinking of a shuttle motherboard too is shuttle any good
< Lion-O> AxisV: and what exactly does this got to do with Linux ?
<@Shadur> No, shuttles explode.

#74562 +(161)- [X]

(peer is an op on IRCNet #mirc...)

* Rose_w (~Personal@c-134-84-89.f.dial.de.ignite.net) has joined #mirc
<Rose_w> *** [10054] Connection reset by peer It's no Joke more
<Rose_w> I can't smile about this
<@Zardos> The server calls all clients for peers  - thus the peer the message refers to is actually your own client.
<@Zardos> What probably happens is, that your connection to the server has problems.
<@Shustrik> no, actually it's Your client who refers to the server as the peer; )
<@Zardos> either your isp or someone else on the network - perhaps the irc server itself..
<Rose_w> so you mean that i can chat without proplens
<@peer> Rose_w, you want my address?
<Rose_w> peer i want an Answer
<eina> geez this sounds way to serious and i no be undrestanding anything  so alhoa
<@peer> <-- scared
<@Shustrik> Rose_w if You think peer is abusing Your connection, You can contact IRC ops for help
<@Zardos> as I have explained to Rose_w, we have tried to talk you out of disconnecting people..
<Rose_w>  i want only chat without problems you unterstand ;)
<Rose_w> i have this server so long and i haven't this problems till today
<Rose_w> just a moment please
<Rose_w> Hello  Peer. I would like gladly unimpaired chat. But if you always do not break my connection off go that. I apologize also for itwhich I was so sour. You must understand me. It nervt if you to start continuously again must.
<Rose_w> my Gramatikal is so terible sorry
<Ace_DK> [21:47:48] * YaN- (plotkin@bzq-70-4.red.bezeqint.net) Quit (Connection reset by peer) - you think that is peer to?
<Rose_w> yes i think so isn't it
...

#74563 +(1485)- [X]

<Clecky> hey
<SargeZT> Hey
<SargeZT> SEX?
<Clecky> sure
* Clecky sex
* SargeZT sex
<SargeZT> Done
<SargeZT> Cya
<Clecky> bye

#74565 +(236)- [X]

<just_shoot_me> you kno what the worst skool subject in the world is???
<Star_Princess> just_shoot_me english?

#74567 +(435)- [X]

<herze> miss pearl
<herze> my love for you is like diherrea
<helpimarock> what
<herze> i just cant hold it in
<madpunk-nap> omg
<helpimarock> ahhhhhhhhh
<madpunk-nap> that would alomst be elite
<helpimarock> thats the sweetest thing ive ever heard
<madpunk-nap> if i didnt have to do with poop
<herze> haha
<herze> madpunk, even stevie wonder could see the beauty in you
<herze> i have a few more
<madpunk-nap> i dont want to know, im going back to sleep
<herze> you have over 200 bones in your body... want another?
<herze> lets play army, ill lay on the ground and you can blow the hell out of me

#74578 +(372)- [X]

<b1u3> we got this admin dance that never fails to eventually resurrect a crashed database server

#74579 +(124)- [X]

<mindfuck> root@black-jes:/etc/mail# man how to get laid
<mindfuck> No manual entry for how
<mindfuck> No manual entry for to
<mindfuck> No manual entry for get
<mindfuck> No manual entry for laid
<mindfuck> root@black-jes:/etc/mail#
<mindfuck> <|:]
<Nikita> sucks
<Nikita> see if there is an RFC for that
<Nikita> maybe a mini HOW-TO or something...

#74583 +(471)- [X]

<kisama_> http://www.washu.org/cosplay/kat09/katsucon-09-042.jpg
<kisama_> AND THIS IS WHY YOU DON'T LET FAT GIRLS NEAR A MAI COSTUME
<DrNick668> i try not to let fat girls near anything, but its physically impossible. they're closer to everyting by default

#74592 +(714)- [X]

<+TreeSquid> From: "Lots_Of_Lobster@I-Like_Lobster"
<+TreeSquid> Subject: Click here for chance to win 50 lbs.of lobster!
<+TreeSquid> what the fuck, lobster spam?!

#74593 +(514)- [X]

<EricClancy> guys
<EricClancy> do you pronounce it live or live?

#74601 +(227)- [X]

[20:21] <cooldaw13>  2nd Hint: 176*   30.0 secs & 12 Points Remaining
[20:22] <cooldaw13>  3rd Hint: 176*   15.0 secs & 6 Points Remaining
[20:22] <StealthStalker> 1760
<StealthStalker> 1761
<StealthStalker> 1762
<StealthStalker> i give up
<cooldaw13>  Times up!  The answer was ->  1763  <-
<StealthStalker> OMG

#74609 +(315)- [X]

<@Awt> 15 years for 3066 counts of accessory to murder? WTF
<XDice> yeh, he missed that 3,067th strike law.
<frash> hahaha

#74616 +(478)- [X]

<8trac> Is it my fault if I think humanity is best seen through a sniper scope?

#74629 +(253)- [X]

<jent> cuz it hates you
<jent> thats what i always blame my problems on
<PC^God> unix is user friendly. It's just picky about who it calls its friends

#74636 +(285)- [X]

<Shounen-chan> seriously, he's such a fuckwit.
<Shounen-chan> it's hidden behind what at times can pass for wit and charm, though.
<POINGjam> I see.
<POINGjam> He chops the fuck off the wit.
<Shounen-chan> no, he just uses a well placed curtain to draw attention away from the fuck..
<Shounen-chan> smoke and mirrors are too advanced for him.
<POINGjam> Pay no attention to the fuck behind the curtain.

#74637 +(30)- [X]

Tom says:  It got frightening quite a few times.
Tom says:  Eh, it was a learning experience. 
Ash072 says: I see...do you still feel bad about knocking up the retarded chick?
Ash072 says: hello?
Tom says:Oh, sorry.
Tom says:Which one? 
Ash072 says:  That's my boy...can't even remember all the retarded chicks he'
Ash072 says:  he's slept with
Tom says:  Hey, if they don't remember, neither will I.
Ash072 says:  Thank god for that drug!

#74663 +(682)- [X]

<kyhm> Let's just say "arting" doesn't make a good verb... ^_^
* Superkuh is still laughing.
<Ezelek> How about stabbing?
<kyhm> stabbing makes a great verb...
<Kestenvarn> How about stabbed as an adjective?
<kyhm> As in, "I'm feeling stabbed today?"  Doesn't do it for me...
<Kestenvarn> I'm rather stabbed you would say such a shocking thing.
<kyhm> Stab it all, why doesn't this stabbed thing work?
<Kestenvarn> I'm stabbed. Why?
<kyhm> Stab me... ^_^
<Kestenvarn> Well, go stab yourself!
<Ezelek> Note to self: Don't let any of them near words. Of any kind.

#74669 +(0)- [X]

<[ryan]WIN> i should go up to like
<[ryan]WIN> the special ed class
<[ryan]WIN> and find one of those hot retards
<[ryan]WIN> cuz involuntary drooling makes for good oral

#74670 +(755)- [X]

<superghos> i'm gonna go hug my dad just so i can see the "christ, is he gay?" face

#74672 +(-20)- [X]

<Xavier> Stop poking me
* Zsparke jabs her sharp fingernails into Xavier's arm repeatedly
<Xavier> hey, that hurts
* Zsparke eats rice and continues to jab Xavier's arm
<Xavier> it's all your fault. when i bleed, i'm blaming you.
<Zsparke> it's not /my/ fault you've got blood.
* Zsparke snarfs her rice

#74674 +(155)- [X]

DukeMalisto: huh?
DukeMalisto: i've been/am watching black hawk down.
DukeMalisto: later
Lockee: timestamps would help]
Lockee: i said that like 2 hours ago ;P
Lockee: but, hey, i assumed you were there, my bad
Lockee: damn, leaving already?  nobody to talk to here but me and my dick
Lockee: and we aint on speakin' terms since the mason jar incident....

#74675 +(536)- [X]

<kuribo> wanna CS?
<TheCat> I'm guessing that stands for cyber sex.
<TheCat> In which case, sure!
<kuribo> counter-strike, you flaming faggot
<TheCat> I knew that...........

#74676 +(276)- [X]

Knoxy: Her boobs are like "RAWR!"
Knoxy: Those boobs are like "Rawr."
Foofaloo: i wish they were like "winrar"
Knoxy: Then I could be like "I'm going to WinUnZip my pants now"
Knoxy: "And wank until I explode all over your WinfACE"

#74684 +(222)- [X]

<SlasherX> #php is all communist based
* @Didgerama drives a tank down the middle of #php
<Ballig> Didgerama: You're a commie, you can't afford a tank
<Ballig> You can ride a bicycle with a dart gun, though

#74688 +(233)- [X]

<Shadow> You know those Orbit commercials, where the blonde gives Orbit gum to someone to clean their dirty mouth?
<Shadow> Just once, I wanna see that girl suck off someone, then chew some Orbit gum
<Shadow> Girl: Orbit gum makes mouths clean!

#74691 +(303)- [X]

<Gartt> hows the job hunt going?
<Lubey> lol not too great
<Lubey> theres sod all
<Gartt> I hear mcdonalds are looking for hard working enthusiastic individuals
<Lubey> id cook my own dick before working in a mcdonalds
* Kittie-Ash hands Lubey a small guillotine
<Lubey> small?!?!?!?!!??!

#74693 +(105)- [X]

<POSKY|dinner> stop sucking up to him u dicks :P
<Fiery_isles> Element`: i figured out why posky always makes /me licks comments :D
<Element`> WHY!!?!?!?!?
<Element`> its driving me insane D:!!
<Fiery_isles> cause he thinks we are dicks :D?

#74700 +(763)- [X]

<XorioN> o
<XorioN> o/
<XorioN> /o/
<DummeGaas> Heh
<DummeGaas> o/ ^o^ /o_ /o
<DummeGaas> It's fun to stay at the
<DummeGaas> o/ ^o^ /o_ /o

#74702 +(213)- [X]

<Black_Raven[CoS]> how would blasting cookies with fudge and marshmellows prove the xistance of elves?


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