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#63068 +(2)- [X]

<AlSkapone> It sounds like someone has sand in their Vagina.

#63070 +(96)- [X]

<@PrincessLeia2> hmm, see the problem with computer packrat'ism is i tend to keep all my computer documentation together, no matter what it is, so it comes to be 2003 and i find Myst install directions with my computer stuff
<@PrincessLeia2> yay for windows 3.1

#63074 +(77)- [X]

<doggie^> fuck me, muppet was actually on irc
<MS^Zealot> u make it sound like hes never on irc james
<doggie^> first time ive seen him on this year :P
<MS^Zealot> considering muppet is wired to his many machines its not shock
<doggie^> rofl
<MS^Zealot> i think muppets recliner is like the chairs rom matrix
<MS^Zealot> things goin into as many orifices as possible
<MS^Zealot> 5 in his ass
<MS^Zealot> etc

#63076 +(131)- [X]

<Affinity> yo
<Affinity> asl?
<ReGnIF> hey sup?
<ReGnIF> 16 m jhb u?
<Affinity> man i was gonna ask, can i ReGniF you backwards....
<ReGnIF> thast my surname

#63077 +(173)- [X]

<mindstorms> i do what i please and i please who i do.

#63084 +(598)- [X]

(doggie^): i would type that word, but i cant spell it
(doggie^): the one about getting pleasure from other people's misery
(slippy^): anal sex?

#63085 +(165)- [X]

<ecoli> my cock is so big whenever i try to stick it in a girl, it overwrites EIP and she core dumps on my bed. :(

#63086 +(444)- [X]

< PrincessLeia2> :q
< PrincessLeia2> oops
< TonicBH> what kind of face is that?
< PrincessLeia2> not a facey, I was trying to quit vim %(

#63087 +(876)- [X]

<flame> hmm when you have dialup, u download jpegs to wank over. when you have broadband you download mpegs to wank over... when you have 100mbit, u download DVD rips of pr0n films to wank over
<riski> when you have 14.4 you get laid irl.

#63088 +(529)- [X]

<JosephSpiros> just got Cable  Modem
<JosephSpiros> I'm going a bit insane
<JosephSpiros> OMG
<JosephSpiros> CABLE MDOEM MEANS
<JosephSpiros> I CAN WAKE UP AT ANY TIME
<JosephSpiros> AND JUST BE ONLINE
<JosephSpiros> :D:D:D
<RangerRick> haha
<RangerRick> and more importantly... now your porn can MOVE!
<JosephSpiros> I KNOW!

#63091 +(209)- [X]

<sic_> where the fuck could i find some decent fucking wallpaper
<C4thY> home depot
<C4thY> hahahhahahahahahhahahahhahahhahahahahahhahhahhahah you walked right into that one dipshit

#63093 +(343)- [X]

<`RaSh> how do i install linux i got the cd and i dont see the setup.exe or install.exe

#63148 +(1818)- [X]

[@|Asriel] I just got a crazy telemarket call
[@|Asriel] an autoglass repair shop, asking if we had any damaged auto glass we'd like a free quote on
[@|Asriel] I wondered if that was a variant on "is your refrigerator running"
[@|Asriel] if I had broken glass, I'd do something about it
[@Mono] lol
[@|Asriel] not sit around hoping someone will call me up
[@|Asriel] 911 doesnt call you up randomly "We were wondering if anybody happens to be dying, traped, giving birth, or breaking into your home at the moment"
[@|Asriel] "I'm so glad you called, there's a guy holding a gun to my face"
[@Mono] rofl

#63248 +(320)- [X]

<[33rd-A]Ruger> i've actually considered assassination in order to get a girl
<Logic_BomB> your into necrophilia too eh?

#63320 +(955)- [X]

<tragic> i would seriously pay money, like... movie ticket prices (per incident), if there was a device that allowed people to teleport from one place to another during irc conversations. it would be all like
<tragic> <aZnb0i002> MAN FuK U ILL CUM 2 UR hUouSE and RaPE ur MOM biTCH ill FUCK you uP!
<tragic> <john> oh seriously? *warp*
<tragic> <john> hi
<tragic> <aZnb0i002> oh, hello there sir. i think you were talking to my brother a minute ago. however, he left me to give you his sincerest apologies and sends word that he hopes your mother is doing exceptionally well today

#63352 +(99)- [X]

<Spacer> just heard a funny story from my mom just now
<Spacer> she works as a teacher
<Spacer> and in one of her classes, it started to smell like dog poo
<Spacer> so she made everyone check their shoes, but they were all clean
<Spacer> so she went to the head of year
<Spacer> and got her to check everyones shoes
<Spacer> but they were all clean still
<Spacer> the smell was coming from the radiator area, so she asked the caretaker to check it out
<Spacer> while he was doing that, she sent everyone outside
<Spacer> but it still smelt in the corridor
<Spacer> and she traced the smell to some girl
<Spacer> and she checked her shoes, but they were clean
<Spacer> she goes "you smell a little whiffy today, go to the toilets and check yourself out"
<Spacer> so she walks off
<Spacer> and the smell goes
<Spacer> when she gets back, she goes to my mom
<Spacer> with a big smile on her face, and says "sorry miss, i poo'd my panties"
<Spacer> this is a year 11 girl, like 17 years old :P

#63497 +(262)- [X]

[|313|GTSR] i just rememberd i have test tomarrow
[|313|GTSR] i hate HS
(rAzor) You'd better pray it's not a spelling test. :

#63505 +(350)- [X]

<Nugget> hint: if you're going to mispel a word, choose a word that isn't "illeterate"
<Nugget> your dumb.

#63755 +(31)- [X]

Dr SpaZZo: LOLOOLL in the locker room at school
Dr SpaZZo: Theres this fat, mentally retarded kid who always asks us for pennies
Dr SpaZZo: and someone today gave him a quarter
Dr SpaZZo: so he started asking for quarters
Dr SpaZZo: On Monday someone's going to bring in a 500 dollar monopoly bill, and maybe some houses

#63811 +(2148)- [X]

<etoilet> i went into the D&D store cuz they had old capcom arcade booths for sale,  and my girlfriend followed me in.  All the guys were sitting at a table playing D&D,  and this one long haired dude got up out of his seat, strode up to my gf, bowed and said "May I help you my lady?"
<crunchyfish> I don't know, man. That's pretty smooth. What was his charisma? 17? 18?

#63886 +(214)- [X]

<Maksim> bash: rtfm: command not found

#64096 +(805)- [X]

<clippy>  11:21pm  up 42 days, 49 min,  2 users,  load average: 0.03, 0.04, 0.00
<clippy> do you know how long it took me to get that uptime?
<Apollo-> clippy: About 42 days

#64099 +(404)- [X]

<Meyowith> 875 sparks one piston does
<Meyowith> on a v8
<Meyowith> doing 7000rpms
<CrazySpence> pfft
<CrazySpence> my hard drive does more RPM than that
<CrazySpence> lol
<Meyowith> but how much torque does your harddrive have
<Meyowith> :P
<nataku> more than a HONDA
<Meyowith> HAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAAHHA

#64118 +(715)- [X]

<DunSnukIn> im starting to think aol isnt as good as they say

#64123 +(268)- [X]

<filefly> and she asked me "should i be worried?" i said "no, you wanna know what i think?"
<filefly> so i told her
<filefly> "...and the prospect of finding her perfect educational institution threatens to overwhelm her tiny brain"
<filefly> which normally would've made her laugh
<filefly> had i not left the letters "i" and "n" off of "brain"
* filefly bashes head on desk repeatedly

#64125 +(141)- [X]

<qta> hi ircop can you help me?
* qta is away (AutoAway After 10Secs.)

#64138 +(21)- [X]

<Espresso> you should wipe it down with some alcohol and shit just to be safe
<nas> you should give the same advice to your roommate when he gets back
<Espresso> naw, i was careful to stay on my side
<nas> of the bed?

#64166 +(5)- [X]

<imbezol> one thing about dvorak though... you never make typos because you're watching the screen all the time and never the keyboard

#64168 +(51)- [X]

<EvilN> i still dont get why water cooling doesnt fry the circuitry.

#64169 +(243)- [X]

Mace|brb has quit (COBOL programmers understand why women hate periods.)

#64184 +(106)- [X]

<DigiBree> my uncle once took a huge length of dental floss and i asked him what he was doin with it...and he said he was going to floss between his bum cheeks......then he went into the bathroom :/
<Rake> lol thats just fucked :P

#64252 +(222)- [X]

<_anarchy> heheh
<_anarchy> about time
<Night`> took me a while, because i am special
<_anarchy> indeed
<jokes> Night, special isn't the word =)
<Night`> but it is the euphemism

#64327 +(906)- [X]

<IgnusDei> i hate my BROTHER
<IgnusDei> and MY SISTER
<Hyperian> i love your sister
<IgnusDei> no you wouldn't
<IgnusDei> oh sure the sex is great at first
<IgnusDei> but then she's such a bitch

#64328 +(242)- [X]

<Jester{work}> butt sex is like spinach , if you're forced to eat it when you're a kid you wont like it as an adult.

#64347 +(572)- [X]

<power> so are there really no people here who have the Avril Lavigne CD?
<power> dammit
<power> back to the old fashioned way of pirating
<bored> power, you're going to put on an eye patch and sail the seven seas?

#64445 +(755)- [X]

<timmo> i remember when my art teacher the first day of class
<timmo> first day of highschool
<timmo> made us write a a one page essay
<timmo> on
<timmo> "WHY PORN IS NOT ART"
<timmo> i think thats what set the mood for me hating him for the rest of my highschool career
<timmo> so i wrote one on why i thought porn was art
<timmo> and got 0 for it
<timmo> i shrugged it off though
<arse-poet> so why was porn art
<arse-poet> according to your essay
<timmo> i dont know
<timmo> i think it had something to do with airbrushing
<arse-poet> lol
<timmo> i cant really remember
<jestuh> lol

#64732 +(794)- [X]

[StrikeBot] 65.  Who sought to create The Great Society?
[StrikeBot] Here's a hint: L__do_ ____s__
[Chevelle] bhudda
[Video] Lando Calrisian
[MinuS] lando calrisian

#64745 +(390)- [X]

<egg> I said I was back with Cake. I never said there was enough for everyoone
<Diet_Crack> IM ETHIOPIAN.. POOR, HUNGRY, NOW GIVE ME CAKE
<kooshy> didn't napster teach you anything about sharing?
<egg> Yes.
<egg> Don't.

#64779 +(311)- [X]

<@TreeSquid> i wonder what percentage of people jerk off at work....
<@TreeSquid> i know i used to
<SLiVeR> I never did
<cokey> i used to 
<cokey> when i worked at the daycare....

#64802 +(732)- [X]

<Thom> How can a guy be offended by male nudity?
<Thom> Did you have trouble showering?
<Thom> OH FUCK OH FUCK ITS A PENIS

#64854 +(176)- [X]

<Gobi> know what's better than pasta?
<Feat> pornography
<Gobi> more pasta!
<Gobi> ...and that
<Feat> porn pasta?
<Gobi> porno-getti
<Feat> ravi-hole-ey
<Feat> hmm
<Gobi> hmm indeed
<Gobi> heh heh heh
<Gobi> we could market to all the college dropouts in Canada and make billions off their unspent student loans!

#65024 +(-148)- [X]

<SteamedHams> anyway i have a question about the US
<+firehawk> sure man
<SteamedHams> if you drop a watermelon off the empire state building, does it get eaten by negroes before it hits the ground?

#65112 +(227)- [X]

<Turd_Ferguson> static he is also a digital gangster
<static> digital gangster?
<static> wtf does that mean?
<static> he haf a digital crew of thugs?
<static> a shit load of 1's and 0's?

#65120 +(4720)- [X]

<tumult> well that was like the coolest class period i've ever had
<lasombra> tumult ?
<tumult> this kid asks me for a dollar so he can get something from a vending machine
<tumult> i tell him i don't have one (truth)
<tumult> he says bullshit
<tumult> i tell him to fuck off
<tumult> he stands up and punches me in the face three times
<tumult> sits back down
<tumult> teacher doesn't notice/care
<tumult> so blood is pouring out onto my desk
<tumult> from my lip
<tumult> i turn to the girl next to me and say
<tumult> "hey, can i use one of the tissues jammed into your bra?"
<zyko^> what did she do?
<tumult> punched me in the face

#65174 +(104)- [X]

<an_ass733> How do you tell if your roommate is gay?  When his dick tastes like shit.

#65175 +(282)- [X]

<Clutch-Dialup> You're like a guy who says to his beautiful girlfriend, "I think we should see other people." And is surprised when she says "Great!!" Then you have to watch her enjoying herself with a multitude of studs, while you play D&D with your geeky friends.

#65215 +(384)- [X]

<DoctorRiff> i hear that every year the piro comes out of his hole in the ground and if he sees his shadow we will have 6 more weeks of delayed comics

#65222 +(249)- [X]

<Minion> I think I might have genital herpes.
<Minion> Holy fucking shit
<Minion> Why does herpes.com have a dating service?
<Minion> "I got genital herpes! Better go spread it!"

#65225 +(613)- [X]

<stout> :D\-<
<stout> :D|-<
<stout> :D|>
<stout> :D|-<
<stout> :D/-<
<stout> :D|-<
<stout> :D|>
<stout> :D|-<
<stout> :D\-<
<stout> :D|-<
<stout> :D|-<
<stout> :)|-<
<stout> :|<-<
<stout> =(<-<

#65230 +(237)- [X]

<Nimduin> Holy fucking shit.
<Nimduin> http://www.mclaren4sale.com/main.html
<Match> Bet you could get that girl you're always talking about in that car.
<sede> Yeah, the bitch couldn't dodge me in that sweet ride, I'd wear her like a hood ornament


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