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#60200 +(74)- [X]

<cjj> DUDE! remember that uber fine hunnie 5'4 110 pounds hazel eyes c cup i told you about?
<Bi0hazard> the chick who got naked?
<cjj> no no :)  that is kayli! im talking about "vanessa" well she turned out to be uber nasty! 5'4 210 pounds !!! im done meeting girls off the internet!
<cjj> i had to like run to the milkshake shop and lead a trail of shakes away from my house
<cjj> than i made a quick gettaway in the car and left her ass like 5 miles from her home
<cjj> grrr brb kayli just called :P  maybe i wont retire from this net pimping just yet

#60249 +(524)- [X]

<ke1th> i go into the bank..
<ke1th> and the teller says
<ke1th> please sign here
<ke1th> so, i get the pen
<ke1th> and sign
<ke1th> ke1th kennedy
<ke1th> and hand it back to her
<ke1th> as she looks as me strangely.
<ke1th> and i'm wondering wtf did i do now.

#60268 +(-21)- [X]

<CactusJac> STEVEL = WELL I FORGOT WHAT HAPPENED BUT I KNOW IT FUCKING PISSED ME OFF AND THERE WAS SOME GREASEBALL IN THE BACK ROOM WHO LOOKED LIKE THIS JOKER, SO I GUESS MY ADVICE IS TO WATCH YOUR STEP IF YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU, BECAUSE ALL BETS ARE OFF WHEN YOU LEAVE YOUR GODDAMN HOUSE IN THE MORNING, AND YOU FORGET TO BRING YOUR WALLET OR WEAR PANTS, AND THE FUCKING COPS PULL YOU OVER BECAUSE YOUR EYES AREN'T SO GREAT ANYMORE

#60271 +(427)- [X]

<@Pimp-Jojo> mc... i saw a guy in a wheelchair begging for money and playing a flute
<@Pimp-Jojo> couple of hours later i saw him gettng chased by the police on foot
<@Pimp-Jojo> i mean wtf
<+_Mc_> still doesnt beat my tramp with the cardboard cutout banjo

#60280 +(167)- [X]

<joshwil> CREED frontman Scott Stapp was reportedly "high out of his mind and could not sing" at the band's Chicago show at Allstate arena Sunday night (Dec. 29), nearly falling down numerous times during the performance.
<Deathlove> Jac, God told him to get wrecked.
<CactusJac> He drank too deeply from the blood of Christ I guess.

#60290 +(1354)- [X]

<Imaginos> damn
<Imaginos> my neices cat ran away
<Imaginos> i said it went to kitty land, so she wants to know where kitty land is
<Imaginos> i bring up my browser
<Imaginos> type in www.kittyland.com
<Imaginos> and then closed it as fast as humanly possible

#60291 +(2068)- [X]

<Boogieman> and I saw a girl and was like "hey baby, you lookin' for a good time"
<Boogieman> and she said "yes"
<Boogieman> and I just sorta stared
<Boogieman> cause I don't usually get that far
<Boogieman> and I didn't have anything to say

#60297 +(305)- [X]

<kierabee> though the idea of 'talking dirty' with you does numb my brain a little
<ian_> OK, I'll start so you can get the hang of it.  "I slowly remove your top and spread hummus around your armpits, inhaling the intertwining BO and chick-pea aroma"
<kierabee> that's great

#60314 +(414)- [X]

<@psychotik> luckily i bought my booze tomorrow
<@psychotik> er
<@psychotik> yesterday

#60353 +(-22)- [X]

<Exor[B-A]> gay
<ZahanTheThief[B-A]> yes exor you are good to see you came to terms
<Exor[B-A]> fk me
<Exor[B-A]> ;\

#60361 +(1338)- [X]

<[zc]snuggles> my sister is 13
<[zc]snuggles> I found porn on her compueter =/
<[asm]ryan> man porn?
<[zc]snuggles> NO AND TAHTS THE THING
<[zc]snuggles> LESBO PORN
<[asm]ryan> HAHAHAH
<[zc]snuggles> hell I copied it to my computer before deleting it

#60365 +(304)- [X]

* Joins: Unix (Unix@ppp1146.nsw.padsl.internode.on.net)
-> [Unix] VERSION
[Unix VERSION reply]: mIRC v6.03 Khaled Mardam-Bey
<BenZor> rofl @ Unix.
<Unix> ?

#60371 +(521)- [X]

* Stan (Stan@dhcp024-209-052-025.neo.rr.com) has joined #techfreax
<Stan> what's c++?
<hypnetric> it's a rap artist
<Stan> he's good?
<hypnetric> lives in chicago
<Klone> He's almost as good as Java.
<hypnetric> yeah java owns
<Stan> do i compare to any of them?
<Klone> No, dude. Java is hardcore.

#60398 +(216)- [X]

<|ReN|> reality is the 30 frames per second your little mind can comprehend.

#60459 +(338)- [X]

<MikeSweetser> FWIW, 1/1/2003 is essentially the 20th anniversary of the Internet.
<MikeSweetser> Basically, the day that ARPANET switched its protocol to TCP/IP.
<kuribo> MikeSweetser: in unrelated news, 1/2/2003 is the 20th anniversary of warez :)

#60469 +(8912)- [X]

<tomfoolery> there's a small fire burning in my room
<beretta> lemme guess im supposed to act suprised that you're telling us and not making any attempt to extinguish it, so i can submit it to bash where it will join the ranks of the other "SOMETHING CATOSTROPHIC HAPPENED SO I CAME TO TELL YOU GUYS ON IRC FIRST INSTEAD OF ATTEMPTING TO DEFUSE THE HOSTILE SITUATION" quotes that are grossly abundant, similar, and overrated. and despite a new one is submitted each week and only the location of the fire is altered, loyal viewers firmly believe it is a unique and hilarious quotation, pledging support in the form of unneccesary votes

#60471 +(222)- [X]

<TripleRach> But really I could never find abortion acceptable because I don't know I have all this maternally love stuff and I want to have lots of kids someday
<ksennin> TripleRach, I can help you.
<ksennin> I happen to be producing upwards of 1,000 sperms per second.
<TripleRach> ...
<ksennin> Hypothetically, I could double the world's population in a couple of weeks.

#60523 +(1144)- [X]

<fcastle> I HAD A NIGHTMARE
<fcastle> IT ALL STARTED NORMAL
<fcastle> 10101010
<fcastle> 10110011
<fcastle> THEN ALL OF A SUDAN
<fcastle> 1100102
<snooz> GAAAAH

#60525 +(1056)- [X]

<Hostility> so let me get this
<Hostility> ur in a room with ur comp
<Hostility> typing on a keyboard... not with ur fingers
<Hostility> but with ur face
<Hostility> with nothing on but a hat?
<ZahanTheThief[B-A]> y6esw

#60566 +(41)- [X]

*** Cav has left #rice
*** Cav has joined #rice
<Cav> whoops
<Cav> wtf did i click then
<Narcolepsy> "wrong button"...
<Narcolepsy> It's like the 'wrong hole' error of IRC..

#60568 +(-48)- [X]

<decay`> wanna know whats good about 12 year olds, you put them in a shower and slck there hair.. it makes them look 8

#60633 +(461)- [X]

<perlplexer> perldoc .eh
<perldoc> .eh is western sahara
<perlplexer> hmm, i was expecting Canada
<deus> unfortunately no registrar exists for .eh
<deus> or i would get aboot.eh
<deus> and start irc'ing in #ontario and #vancouver from what.is.this.all.aboot.eh

#60643 +(461)- [X]

<Sarin_Died> I forgot to turn off the alarm on my alarm clock last night, so the radio turned on at 10:30am thismorning
<Sarin_Died> and I hear a car commercial saying "Attention, would the person with the late 1980's station wagon with fake wood panels please move your car, you are blocking 7 parking places" and I got up thinking DAMNIT I have to move my car

#60660 +(2194)- [X]

<Mank> Happy New Year.
<Mank> 666 + 1337 = 2003
<Anders> So the Antichrist is to arrive this year in the form of a preteen hacker?
<Chris_A> It's the Ap0cA1yp53!!!!111
<Mank> a11 uR j3suz r b3lonG 2 US!!!!!!

#60700 +(621)- [X]

<hobbit> omg... the reporter on the news just said 'they saw the suspect busting off a nine mm'
<dis^> hah
<hobbit> thats kinda unprofessional..
<DSLDemon> lol
<hobbit> using slang in a news report..
<DSLDemon> yup it is
<dis^> yeah it is
<dis^> sounds good though
<hobbit> <reporter> And then it was said that he Popped a cap in one of his own niggahs... he then proceded to roll with his homies and down a 40
<dis^> lol
<dis^> cool
<hobbit> <reporter> Back to you in the studihizzy

#60708 +(757)- [X]

* Hitler has entered #world
* Hitler sets mode: -judaism
* Hitler was kicked from #world by Bullet (NO NAZIS)

#60763 +(386)- [X]

* lavhoes is now known as Jesus
-RPGServ:#pvponline- <Roll for Jesus [1d20]: 12> 
<Jesus> JESUS SAVES!

#60805 +(680)- [X]

<mutey> whats the lowest priority in linux?
<smcn> mutey: ease of use

#60807 +(74)- [X]

<Russell> he told me to max out the damn card, but I would have felt guilty as hell if I did, so I just ordered 5 games, an S-Video cable, memory card, LOTR extended version, 2 cable extensions, and B&W with expansion

#60822 +(414)- [X]

<Hinkey> shrooms dont give flashbacks
<Hinkey> acid does
<Threeboy> you now what has the worst flashbacks?
<Threeboy> mother fucking 'NAM man.

#60831 +(800)- [X]

[steev] i used to date this chick, she used to strip naked and rub up and down against me to get me off the computer, it was like, damn it, im busy

#60846 +(390)- [X]

1:35a (mdxi) twenty-three hours of logs for this month and already 9 searches for "legolas porn" and 2 for, even more disturbingly, "gimli porn"
1:35a (mdxi) some days i think we should all just go back to fidonet

#60865 +(-95)- [X]

<Bop|Kat> you know what they say about black guys!
<Mondo> yeah
<Mondo> they steal shit
<Bop|Kat> shut up!
<Bop|Kat> my dads black!
<Mondo> im only screwin round :P
<Bop|Kat> I was only kiddin too
<Bop|Kat> My dad is white
<Bop|Kat> he's an arsehole tho
<Mondo> so he might as well be black ?

#60866 +(582)- [X]

<@dustin> tonight is not my night
<@Patrick> ?
<@dustin> i was putting on some socks..and when i was pulled the sock up, my hand slipped and hit my nuts..then i fell over cause it hurt so bad and when i fell i hit my head on the counter
<@dustin> :(
<@Patrick> wheres the fire?
<@dustin> ermm?
<@Patrick> why were you pulling your socks up so fast
<@dustin> i wanted to get back on irc

#60889 +(872)- [X]

(@Cypher) a hornet just flew inside :/
(Owen) OMG CALL A SWAT TEAM

#60904 +(-608)- [X]

<Squiggle> Also:the bottom ones [on bash.org] are some of the best
<Squiggle> They're all about niggers
<Squiggle> Niggers  =  funny
<Sulzanti> Not if you have to be in smelling distance

#60930 +(386)- [X]

<@jwz> yeah, apparently I was getting shafted by perl's distinction between returning a single value, and returning a single value.

#60932 +(148)- [X]

<voltstfu> :(
<voltstfu> you suck :(
<voltstfu> i hope you have a hernia that spills into your testicle sack
<voltstfu> and then when they operate
<voltstfu> and resituate the intestinal tract behind a screen of iron mesh in your abdomen
<voltstfu> ...
<voltstfu> fuck it, i think the hernia is bad enough

#60985 +(167)- [X]

<ex0> i think i'm crazy
<ex0> i talk to myself in real life
<ex0> ... i'm like a real life gollum
<ex0> minus the fugly
<ex0> plus 7 inches

#60996 +(380)- [X]

<Realfloat> why does gcc makes exe files?
<Apollo-> *blink*
<Apollo-> maybe because it's a compiler?

#60997 +(219)- [X]

<Godsey> I want to beta test EverQuest 2 and get paid for it
<etrigan> oh i'd do that but so would tons of gamers :/
<Godsey> I'm highly qualified :)
<Godsey> I am fat and have BO

#61020 +(146)- [X]

<Aurican> i remember when GavJCD tried to nuke me...word nuke in a private msg....he eventually flooded himself off

#61023 +(845)- [X]

<Waynebo> Today was haiku day in English class!
<Waynebo> My haiku was Guy in front of me/ Does not know he is asian/ Karate chop him
<Waynebo> The guy in front of me's haiku was Guy behind of me / Wants to karate chop me/ I am very scared

#61025 +(79)- [X]

I like 2eat tape: when i was in 4 th grade there was this awesome 5 grader matthew podawski, i rememeber, and he used to ride his bike to school and mis match socks and and i really wanted to be his friend but he was so weird and he thanked me for the offer but was like "one friend in the world is enough" he then transfered schools

#61048 +(472)- [X]

<RS-Ryan> crap.. i'm having a blonde moument, what's IGMP again?
<Not_RS_Webby> shit beats the fuck out of me
<Not_RS_Webby> im drunk
<RS-Ryan> God you Cisco support techs suck

#61064 +(94)- [X]

<aleks_> anybody know of a linux app that performs an operation similar to windows XP's "bridge network"?
<@Lion-O> aleks_: first of all, what does that thing do ?
<PufF-> its a cheat to get around the 'hassle' of subnet'ing
<@Lion-O> aleks_: oh, then I have a solution. Cheat and ask a real admin to set it up for you, then take the glory.  I guess the app would be called "mail".

#61085 +(242)- [X]

<Oolong> <Mansion_Maniac> 3 types of people on the internet = convinced they're ugly, convinced they're life has no meaning, and convinced they could kick your ass despite they don't know jack about you
<Oolong> he forgot convinced they're japanese
<Oolong> "aya, Britney Spears no kawaii desu nyo! ^O^^^O^O^^O^"

#61110 +(602)- [X]

<Ralp> Does it pop up a window that says "WARNING!! Your computer is currently broadcasting an IP address!  With this IP address hackers can immediately begin attack your computer!  Click here to enlarge your penis!"

#61127 +(200)- [X]

<aweigh> Physical pain?
<aweigh> Sign me up.
<WussyBoy> Pain can be fun, but certainly not in a sexual way
<aweigh> Obviously you've never had a donkey punch.
<Galvatron> ...that was in no way appropriate

#61129 +(744)- [X]

<Paden> some of you people have the smallist ego in the world and you get your jollys off buy ban/kicking someone well thats sad you pick on me becouse i have bad grammer and can't spell good well you need to look you're fag ass in the mirror and look at a dumb fuck who has no life and will never have one and the only girlfrien you ever had was palmla handerson ans her 5 friends
<Alarach> guess that's not me.
<Minion> smallest
<Minion> jollies
<Minion> grammar
<Alarach> because
<Venkmen> because
<Venkmen> grammar
<Alarach> your
<Paden> fuck you
<Minion> haha
<Venkmen> your
<Paden> fuck you
<Alarach> girlfriend


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