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#56232 +(100)- [X]

kindle9: the computer lab is *craaaazy* today
tomemos: "Dig this crazy scene" crazy?
kindle9: "oh my god it's not printing why isn't it printing i need it to be printing what the hell is wrong with you make it start printing!!!" crazy
kindle9: then they start foaming at the mouth
tomemos: Do you ever have to put them down?
kindle9: i wish
kindle9: apparently i'm not allowed near tranquilizers anymore
kindle9: some sort of.. legal thing.. lawsuits.. restraining orders..
kindle9: *ahem*
kindle9: let's just say i got a little over-zealous yesterday
tomemos: "I know you're a computer person, but we're out of library staff.  Take this tazer and go in there!"
tomemos: This is why I don't study in the library.
tomemos: Because you could KILL ME.
kindle9: could?
kindle9: more like will!

#56256 +(747)- [X]

<Campbell> You know you're seriously got nothing better to do when you start measuring time in units other than minutes and hours.
<Oli[bath]> Win2k uptime: two quadrillion two hundred thirteen trillion seven hundred seventy-nine billion six hundred twenty-one million two hundred five thousand two hundred ninety-two Caesium-133 Radiation-periods (2,213,779,621,205,292| 2 days, 18 hours, 53 mins, 41 secs)

#56258 +(409)- [X]

<TuxMan> beh you know what happened...
<terminus> what?
<TuxMan> i whacked off while watching the linux kernel compile...
<TuxMan> i mean... uh...
<terminus> o_O

#56259 +(522)- [X]

<tHeo^doctor-appt`> this is prolly too much information
<tHeo^doctor-appt`> but I haven't been able to get off in like a month or something
<Miyabi> dude, your nuts must be huge
<Miyabi> i mean, as a result
<Miyabi> that wasn't random props

#56264 +(216)- [X]

<kingBooze> is there a spanish -> english translator that sucks less dicks than altavista.babelfish?
<LostXanadu> puerto ricans

#56271 +(153)- [X]

<mog> I take pride in being completly bitter and cynical
<BosTony> I take pride in the fact that Ive gone 5 weeks without an STD.
<mog> and getting pissed off at the smallest aspects of society
<mog> like personalized license plates
<PsykadelicAngel> Tony, we're so proud
<Jennilala> I'm getting one.
<Jennilala> :P
<BosTony> An STD?
<Jennilala> no
<mog> ahaha

#56292 +(306)- [X]

(+[MO]GeX) James[UH] you got a GF ain't you ?
(@James[UH]) gf, geforce or girlfriend...

#56293 +(317)- [X]

<@FrozenShade> Customer: "What kind of ink cartidges do I need for this scanner?"

#56301 +(82)- [X]

<+FlatFace> ASDFHK
<+FlatFace> WTF
<+FlatFace> WOLF 3D SOURCE 8K?!
<+FlatFace> wait that's the disclaimer
<+FlatFace> SHIT

#56317 +(377)- [X]

<ibrahim> is there alive experts?
<ozzmosis> I've been alive since I was born, you could say I'm an expert at it

#56318 +(400)- [X]

<I3aH> can anyone help me? i need to get wine working
<CyberdogM8> just drink more of it 
<CyberdogM8> it'll work eventually

#56320 +(357)- [X]

<@arp> Importance: Normal
<@arp> INCREASE YOUR PENIS SIZE BY 1/4 INCH IN ONE WEEK!
<@arp> Guaranteed!!!!!!
<@arp> YAY!
<argoth> thanks for sharing
<j0ker> hell I can do that in a few seconds

#56321 +(148)- [X]

<Nergy> How much do movies cost these days?
<Meatwad> matine's cost 5.50 or so
<Nergy> w00t! I have that!
<Nergy> in fact, its RIGHT in my pants now
<Meatwad> dollars not inches
<Nergy> oh my bad.

#56333 +(264)- [X]

<gwend> my 6 key doesnt work half the time ><
<Kiri> my CTRL key types a ` when i press it
<Kiri> lol
<gwend> lol
<Kiri> and my numpad opens internet explorer
<Kiri> or my computer
<Kiri> depends on which number lol
*** Kiri has quit IRC (Read error: 54 (Connection reset by peer))
<EvilCouch> guess she pushed the wrong number

#56350 +(74)- [X]

<Siron> the bathroom is full and i gotta go..
<neural> well there is that bush
<neural> and that.. corner
<phyrearms> siron just point it spray it under the door

#56360 +(448)- [X]

<Mentar> why did hitler kill himself?
<JoltX> because he was deranged
<JoltX> and he didnt want to give the jews the satisfaction
<Mentar> wrong
<Mentar> he saw the gas bill

#56364 +(160)- [X]

<Crusader> www.privatehacksthatareonlyonmycomputer.com
<Azorbix> its a dead link you jerk

#56368 +(192)- [X]

[devilsad] OO is like the missionary position, all day long
[@sobri] heh
[@sobri] i think of it more like group sex
[devilsad] no wonder you like it then
[@sobri] class ReachAround extends AnalSex
[_Spunky_] its like an orgy with everyone you know - you know exactly how to treat each class
[_Spunky_] whereas imperative code, you have to be formally introduced to each new partenr
[@sobri] and remember every conversation you've had with them, just incase you put your food in your mouth with something you say later
[devilsad] it's too clean and clinical for me
[devilsad] rubber gloves on before the insertion, so to speak
[@sobri] heh
[_Spunky_] haha
[devilsad] no casual toying with other people's private functions
[@sobri] i don't know OOP in any languages other than php, but can always statically call methods
[@sobri] $jizzim = ForePlay::handJob;
[_Spunky_] public sub spunkOnTheCarpet()
[@sobri] $orgy = new Orgy; $orgy->addFemale('linda'); $orgy->addFemale('tina'); $orgy->addMidget('gary'); $orgy->addSelf();
[devilsad] lol

#56371 +(141)- [X]

<Xpert887> youre gonna be a computer god one day and people around the world will come to you with their problems
<onesidedzer0> then i'll give them bullshit explanations and take their money
<Xpert887> ohh so youre gonna take after gateway?

#56374 +(344)- [X]

<bse> Instinct is a kickass movie
<wataru> Basic?
<bse> wataru: no.. pervert
<wataru> Pervert Instinct?

#56375 +(69)- [X]

<syk|Fox> and this green peace guy comes up to us and tells us how bad oil companies and shit are
<syk|Fox> then laura turns around looks him square in the face and tells him her dad owns an oil company
<syk|Fox> the guy ran off like she had aids or something
<Lid> fox ur mean.
<Lid> u should've covered him in oil and lit him up like a chiristmas tree

#56381 +(584)- [X]

JoshQ: hey a kid just got hit by a car outside my house.
vietchino: call 911
JoshQ: i will when my download is done.

#56382 +(154)- [X]

<Animosity> We have a suicide club at our school
<Animosity> It encourages suicide
<Animosity> Which counters suicide, supposedly

#56383 +(207)- [X]

<wasabi>  wish I could call up a friend right now
<wasabi> and say "hey wanna go grab food"
<wasabi> BUT I CAN"T
<wasabi> oshi put the notice back in the topic. =(
--- Oshi has changed the topic to: Cosplay.com - WANTED: Dallas Otaku to hang out with Wasabi.
<wasabi> thx

#56407 +(237)- [X]

<Krypto-> while you sleep and wet your bed tonight.. i'll be in the land of hobbits.. SO FUCK U
* Krypto- prances off

#56412 +(889)- [X]

<tsingtao> I met this girl at work that I'd enjoy having sex with
<tsingtao> any advice on how i can bring myself closer to doing so?
<TheBaskinator> Just pull down your pants and chase her around.  She's bound to fall down sometime.

#56419 +(118)- [X]

onlyihavehandle: im like jesus
onlyihavehandle: but more cool and less popular

#56430 +(170)- [X]

* boricua4life slaps Sholin
<Sholin> oh really
<boricua4life> yea
<Sholin> .up
*** BFServ sets mode: +o Sholin
*** boricua4life has left #bf1942

#56485 +(588)- [X]

<drlion> what size t-shirt fits me?
<drlion> i'm a thin, normal-height 17 year old guy
<drlion> medium? large?
<moira> consult a pre-existing tshirt in the wooden object located in your current domicile, also known as a "chest of drawers"
<drlion> damn it
<drlion> i would never have thought of that
<drlion> thanks

#56490 +(38)- [X]

‹@Vader› Ne[r]d, is there a place on the comp where you can identify what kind of soundcard you have?
‹@Vader› I just shocked the shit out of myself [again]

#56498 +(221)- [X]

<sexy_westie> lmao. . . . . reminds me of a childhood story
<sexy_westie> my grandmother bought my mother (10yrs old at time) a chihuahua pup (cost a bomb apparently) only for the cat to eat it in the first day lmao
<sexy_westie> must have thought it was a yapping rat

#56509 +(109)- [X]

<MMMaven> I can see the headlines now... "super-modified AIBO captures bin laden!"

#56522 +(257)- [X]

<HoaX|ZzZz> lol my mom is wrapping xmas presents listening to hard trance
<HoaX|ZzZz> i was like "mom wtf are you doing"
<checkered> hahaha too funny
<HoaX|ZzZz> she's like "it helps me zone out so i dont actually realize im wrapping presents, its like a drug"
<Scire> "hey mom, it's actually better ON drugs... want some?"

#56523 +(210)- [X]

<ZiR0> id jack off
<Dead_One> i would to, but that would make 15 times today
<Dead_One> oh, wait
<Dead_One> 01:34:56
<Dead_One> no, its a new day

#56527 +(808)- [X]

<StarThorn> Leave it to the computer programmers to shorten the "Year 2000 Millennium Bug" to "Y2K."  Isn't that what caused this problem in the first place?

#56528 +(163)- [X]

<StarThorn> "What do you think about before you go to bed?" "Sex." "What do you think about when you wake up?" "Sex." "What're you thinking of right now?" "My dog Sparky" "Ok, You're sharing too much, now..."

#56536 +(399)- [X]

<Zak-> she's cute as
<Zak-> somebody find her for me
<Agrajag> are you crazy? i thought females were just things people made up on the internet
<Octane> There's only two types of females: *.jpgs and *.gifs.

#56545 +(451)- [X]

<krg> stupid fucking church people took all of our parking spaces
<Tragic> your parkinglot isn't private for employees and customers?
<krg> it is
<krg> they ignore the signs
<Tragic> "but this is a house of god!"  "yeah well this is the parking lot of an evil IT company. fuck off."
<Tragic> "our dark lord detests the presence of your honda civic, you must be punished!"

#56546 +(223)- [X]

<@Daren> anyone wanna buy a second hand BMW?
<@Daren> it fell off the back of a ferry

#56554 +(1229)- [X]

<Asmodeus> I hav3 to g3t a n3w k3yboard off my par3nts, brb.
<Kur0Tenshi> Why?
<Asmodeus> Th3 k3y b3tw33n th3 W and R k3y is brok3n.
<Kur0Tenshi> What keys that?

#56558 +(1901)- [X]

<Pyroman> NEW RULE 
<Pyroman> No one may have a name that starts with 'No'  
<Pyroman> It fucks up my nick completion  
*** Yukari is now known as NotYukari 
*** GigaClonWantstoKickNickServ is now known as NotGigaron 
*** NMR is now known as NotNMR 
*** DJ_Bytes is now known as NotAlsoDJBY 
<emphaticallyumopepisdn> You guys are sheep 
<NotYukari> baa 
<NotAlsoDJBY> Baaa 
<NotGigaron> baaa 
<NotNMR> baaaa

#56562 +(185)- [X]

<[BuD]> i think they should do a winona ryder game
<[BuD]> grand theft shopping

#56600 +(332)- [X]

<Dice> I've done it
<Dice> I've made a calculate
<Dice> calculater*
<Prothe|Studying> make a spell check now

#56661 +(606)- [X]

<Blizzard> Man, we have a female wrestler on our team
<Nucleotide> We care why?
<Blizzard> She's PREGNANT
<Sirdoudofapples> Hmmm...
<Sirdoudofapples> Seems like an inefficient way to move up in weight class...

#56685 +(331)- [X]

[+Aled]: u cant count with out usign your hands
[@Trixta]: *sigh*
::: Mode: (Trixta) sets (+b *!~Aled@du-069-0638.access.clara.net)
::: Kick: (Aled) was kicked by (Trixta) (The only superiority complex allowed in this irc room is mine, come back in 10 minutes after your head has shrunk., 10m ban ‹3›)
[@Trixta]: i was going to give him a longer ban but i've only got 10 fingers ;)

#56686 +(23)- [X]

<Zombie11>  <Rax_kun> cocaine was a medicine in the good ole days <- it still is :D

#56689 +(2962)- [X]

<danamania> yay I fixed my laptops battery!
<danamania> it was so dead, nothing would charge it
<danamania> so I gave it the electronic equivalent of a kick in the head, by shorting the +/- terminals for 5 minutes
<gelfie> don't they have stickers on them that say they could explode or catch fire by doing that?
<danamania> yeah but it's ok, I took them off first.

#56702 +(242)- [X]

<N[]vA> I threw a chiken nuget at a trafic cops while driving back home
<N[]vA> he was on his bonet talking on his cell phone
<N[]vA> fucker has no sence of humor
<N[]vA> 850
<N[]vA>  agravating a police officer
<N[]vA> ROFL
<N[]vA> he had mayo on his hat tho
<N[]vA> WAHAHAHAH

#56708 +(576)- [X]

<Rountree> Wake.  Birth.  Grow.  Pain.  Move.  Move.  Move.  Move.  Move.  Kid.  Grow.  Teen.  Grow.  Up.  Fall.  Up.  Crush.  Meet.  Kiss.  Date.  Buy.  Love.  Sex.  Ring.  Join.  Smile.  Kids.  School.  Dance.  Hug.  Hold.  Rift.  Leave.  Hate.  Gone.  Work.  Work.  Work.  Work.  Work.  Life.  Ha.  Bang.  Dead.
<+MegamanX2K> Shut.
<+MegamanX2K> The.
<+MegamanX2K> Fuck.
<+MegamanX2K> Up.

#56712 +(269)- [X]

<Avie> the only effect that videogames have had on my morals is deciding what weapon I would kill someone with if I did


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