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#39931 +(173)- [X]

<Snah> I think I need to order a new laptop...
<DrPoole> sell me your old one Snah
<Snah> DrPoole: you dont want it ... I gave it a bullet when I got mad
<BluTShirt> bullet?
<Snah> yeah, I shot my laptop
<Snah> with a 22cal.

#39932 +(536)- [X]

(+SnowWork) note from the tragically wiser. when running a computer lab for a middle school. do _NOT_ allow a naiive teacher to instruct students to type "zoo pictures" into a search engine :|
(+SnowWork) yes folks, it happened to me...
(+SnowWork) actually, after the first frantic dash to haul the network cable out of the ISDN modem, I laughed my ass off ;)

#39933 +(122)- [X]

<WhitePony> whats the fastest way to loose 20 kg? except going to the docs........
<Mousey-brb> cut your fucking head off Marina.

#39936 +(1668)- [X]

<Tyson> hey AusGal24
<Tyson> Asl

#39948 +(345)- [X]

<BDSChaos> i am hot
<BDSChaos> if I was male I would so be gay with myself
<BDSChaos> wait

#39950 +(212)- [X]

<bcanon> I just want to be able to cover myself in stickers to the point where I am no longer recognizable and become "Wireless Man" - Defender of Free Internet to the good people of Houston.  Of course I'll need a sidekick. Anyone up for the role of Antenna Boy?
<filtrs> not at the moment, but maybe after some porn ...

#39951 +(33)- [X]

<Soimafrea> is it music?
<blender> most mp3s are

#39955 +(667)- [X]

(G0th|CMaN): can anybody help me????????
(G0th|CMaN): can anybody help me????????
(HappyJoy): deja vu?
(G0th|CMaN): speak english pls i dont understand

#39956 +(165)- [X]

<DocGonzo> fuck my isp's mailservers
<tulmad> let hte hacking commence
<DocGonzo> i barely wanna read my own mail, much less all these other assdolphins' mail

#39966 +(207)- [X]

<@Ghostface> *aroused*
<@Ghostface> ./.
<@Ghostface> .|.

#39977 +(-51)- [X]

* \ is now known as \|afk

#39978 +(43)- [X]

<#geekissues><ef~loosid> what i really love the best about this channel is the people sitting and espousing their theories on life as if they are fact and they know everything, its the best.

#39979 +(269)- [X]

<@sh3p> Download
<@sh3p> Welcome to File Cauldron!
<@sh3p> You are downloader number 1,101,922 of 1,104,254 waiting in line.
<@sh3p> Your download will begin somewhere around June 19 in the year 2044 .

#39984 +(674)- [X]

<Lilmuckers> you know if you combine matter and anti matter it explodes.... does the same happen with christ and the anti-christ?
<ragnarok2040> lmao
<ragnarok2040> @_@, let's hope so :D
<Lilmuckers> heh
<Lilmuckers> prahaps that's how the world will end
<Lilmuckers> GOD: now now jesus, I don't want you seeing that anti-christ girl ever again
<Lilmuckers> JESUS: FUCK you dad, I'll do whatever I want, I'm Jesus, I can smoke weed, and sleep with satan if I want to!
<Lilmuckers> GOD: it'll all end in tears
<Lilmuckers> <two days later>
<Lilmuckers> JESUS: hey there baby, fancy some good loving?
<Lilmuckers> Miss A.Christ:  oh baby, I always wanted to make it with a demi-god
<Lilmuckers> <insert large boom here>
<Lilmuckers> GOD: told you so
<Lilmuckers> JESUS: I hope you had that insured
<Lilmuckers> GOD: don't worry, it wasn;t worth anything anyways

#39985 +(152)- [X]

<mattym15> will pressing ctrl alt delete twice improve my d/l speeds ?

#39987 +(281)- [X]

<nix>  what's with all these stores having stacks of those aol cd's with free hours for FREE? what's the catch here?
<Morstis>  It's AOL

#39990 +(772)- [X]

[Rjx] heh, kids need to learn through experience
[Rjx] you can't teach a person, you can only help them teach themselves
[Gauge] So they can gain levels, Rjx?
[Video`] I'm level 75 in life.
[Gauge] "BabyRjx gains a level!  BabyRjx is now ToddlerRjx!"
* Rjx is level 34
* Rjx has learned "walk"
[Video`] Level 34 and you -just- learned walk?
[Video`] n00b.

#39994 +(261)- [X]

-NickServ- This nick is owned by someone else. Please choose another.
-NickServ- You have -260 seconds to comply before I change your nick.
-NickServ- This nick is owned by someone else. Please choose another.
-NickServ- You have -280 seconds to comply before I change your nick.
-NickServ- This nick is owned by someone else. Please choose another.

#39996 +(156)- [X]

<eukaunba> I cried when I had no shoes... but then I met a man who had no feet, and then I laughed.. REALLY hard

#39997 +(677)- [X]

<scabb> Yeah, you still have to wear condoms when you're having sex with a dead person, otherwise she might give birth to ZOMBIES, who will CONQUER THE WORLD. And that's never a good thing. That's why necrophilia is outlawed.

#39998 +(243)- [X]

<scabb> Pfft. Rape? No. Love at first sight.

#39999 +(910)- [X]

< uidzero> This dewd wanted me to host his site for him one time. So I checked things out and "whois"ed his domain and etc. I wanted to make sure he was legit. So I called the number and he mom and answered. "Can I talk to so-and-so? She replied, "You sound to old to be calling my son.", "Well ma`am, your son wants me to host his site, so I was calling to make sure it was.." <pause> <pause> "hold on..." (In the back ground I heard her yelling at him for being on the computer after 8 and he started crying.) <click>.. Next day, I get /msg "Thanks a f**king lot, she took the computer and found              all of my videos, I'm grounded forever.... "Quits:".

#40000 +(207)- [X]

(@Dalby) You have encountered the following error while using Windows Media Player:
(@Dalby) Error# C00D0BC2
(@Dalby) Sorry, no more help is available for this problem at this time.
(@Dalby) cool support

#40004 +(216)- [X]

<Mp3Boy-> I told him grep pulls out the shit u want
<Mp3Boy-> like cat girl | grep pussy
<Mp3Boy-> then he understood

#40015 +(167)- [X]

<SRElysian> Mp3: [.kbps] (/)
<SRElysian> .........
<SRElysian> wtf
<Jaelynn> great mp3.
<Jaelynn> I love null.
<SRElysian> yah
<SRElysian> dood its previously unreleased
<SRElysian> special edition even
<Jaelynn> It's a hidden track.  null - sound of silence
<SRElysian> Mp3: [.kbps] (/)
<SRElysian> Mp3: [.kbps] (/)
<SRElysian> ........
<Jaelynn> Can't get enough of that null, eh?

#40019 +(732)- [X]

<Tomalak> Trouble is www.bash.org is like porn - you can waste hours.
<Tomalak> There isn't even the finality of an orgasm to tell you when to stop.

#40027 +(77)- [X]

<Griffin> my dicks not that long
<Griffin> eyeglasses should do
<pagan> so you cant see your cock with the nakid eye?

#40042 +(209)- [X]

< S7L> Would you guess the nationality of the genius behind this code: datapublikacjijava=new Date(przetarg.jakistartpublikacjirok.value, przetarg.jakistartpublikacjimiesiac.value-1, przetarg.jakistartpublikacjidzien.value)

#40068 +(638)- [X]

<Bank6000> What is the best way to approach a person who you are attracted to at a book store, library, animal shelter or football game shown on TV at a bar?
<CrustyNutz> You can do it put your ass into it!
<TheBrat> uummm personally just don't say some cheesy pick up line..
<xTrinity Luvx> yeah just be yourself 
<speedracer> Kick her in the shin.
<speedracer> She'll remember you next time.
<Evil_Couch> zap her with a fucking tazer and then drag her back to your place
<Evil_Couch> by the time she wakes up, she'll be chained to your bed and she'll HAVE to love you or you'll cut her food ration in half.

#40090 +(312)- [X]

<Kestrel> I'm hanging with the wrong crowd.
<Kestrel> One of my friends just asked me what woot meant.

#40092 +(206)- [X]

<Logic_BomB> scary
<Logic_BomB> my brother just corrected the spelling of analy
<Logic_BomB> and i wonder why he has only male friends at times......
<Logic_BomB> and here i was thinking all the yelling from the vents i hear is just them playing quake3

#40095 +(1122)- [X]

<Alwyn Aldarion> X are you deaf or what ?
<MegamanX2K> Yes. Yes, I am deaf. This makes it IMPOSSIBLE for me to read anything written on screen, because I have trained a parrot to read whatever is on my screen so I can browse the web while at the same time spying on the cute girl next door while she's changing AND her equally cute sister who is also changing AT THE SAME TIME. So, yes, I was unable to hear your enlightening post. I apologize.

#40108 +(273)- [X]

<QuaKed_Oatmeal> i always wanted to be an evil genious\
<QuaKed_Oatmeal> ever since i saw all those james bond movies...
<Shatai> You could start by spelling genius right ;)
<QuaKed_Oatmeal> stfu

#40118 +(327)- [X]

<ZephyrX> she's "barely legal"
<[SOHK]FATTY> i think i balled a 16 yr old this summer
<[SOHK]FATTY> she said that she was 18
<[SOHK]FATTY> i dont think so
<[SOHK]FATTY> she looked young in the morn
<ZephyrX> did she say "oops i'm late for class"
<[SOHK]FATTY> she said
<[SOHK]FATTY> can u drive me to school
<ZephyrX> lol
<[SOHK]FATTY> hehe
<[SOHK]FATTY> and when i did
<[SOHK]FATTY> it said  Jr.. on the school

#40121 +(226)- [X]

<Durand:#depressed> Nobody's talking to me. I'm moving to #suicide

#40125 +(275)- [X]

<KingV> whats the time difference between utah and arizona right now?
<Fico> 100 years of bad moral judgement

#40139 +(113)- [X]

<Graey> aw hell yeah.  the olsen twins in bikinis
<Sasquatch> Pervert!... url?
<Graey> newsgroups
<Sasquatch> bleh

#40143 +(12)- [X]

<pricky> is there a way to auto-op users in mirc?
<pricky> score
<pricky> wildcards work!

#40155 +(226)- [X]

<Gwindor> I like how horses can shit and walk at the same time.  what an achievment!  must have taken centuries of adaption.

#40171 +(1213)- [X]

tom: why do girls get grossed out when you say you've tried to suck your own dick?
Kanddak: lol
Kanddak: are you saying you've tried to suck your own dick
tom: today in journalism these girls tied my shoelaces together
tom: so I bend down to untie them
tom: and she pushes my head down
tom: and I'm like "believe me, I've tried about a million times, it's not going to work"

#40187 +(449)- [X]

<Error_404> i swear to god... the next time my mom approaches me about my drinking, i'm gonna fucking come out of the closet...

#40193 +(2334)- [X]

<Nikari> wtf is bm?
<Nikari> Does everyone yell in Malasyia?
<Nikari> a very girly man. you?
<Nikari> ... that would make you a girl, then
<Nikari> It's an american joke. Do you have jokes in malaysia?
<Nikari> Are you offering hot malaysian sex?
<Nikari> Well, when a man and woman love each other very much, he sticks his woo woo into her waa waa. And in very special circumstances, if two men love each other very much, he will stick his woo woo into the other guy's uh oh.
<Nikari> They're always time for love!
<Nikari> When I'm not love.

#40201 +(251)- [X]

<BigSkippy> everybody forgets to turn /away off.
<BigSkippy> I was gone for 3 days once masturbating if you listen to my /back

#40210 +(293)- [X]

<SiFL> wow i was just looking at something and thought to myself, this is kool, i better get a screenshot, then i realized i was just looking at it.... it wasnt on my comp

#40217 +(220)- [X]

«Wizardx8»: Damn those transparent eyelids...
«Cav»: i should mod my eyes
«Cav»: and put a one way valve on my arse
«Wizardx8»: Cav, your arse is 2 way at the moment? Confirms it really :P
«Cav»: god damnit :)

#40218 +(185)- [X]

<pix[word]> anyone know how to search for 'c++' on google?  + is an operator, and doesn't search for that
<cam[home]> search for "c++"
<pix[word]> i did
<pix[word]> does a search for "c "
<cam[home]> not when I did it
<cam[home]> http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&q=%22c%2B%2B%22
<pix[word]> damn
<pix[word]> i did 'c++'
<pix[word]> not "c++"
<pix[word]> yarrr
<cam[home]> I'm e-mailing your boss telling him you can't even use a search engine, so he needs to hire me

#40225 +(250)- [X]

Nuclear Veasel: That's on the same island as Pearl Harbor, right?
LiveThLfe: yes, it's all on Kaui (I think that's how you spell it)
LiveThLfe: No wait...
LiveThLfe: Oahu
Nuclear Veasel: That's one hell of a different spelling...

#40228 +(574)- [X]

<JiggyNiggy> soul u ever been caught wanking behind the shed?
<Soulfly-> no
<JiggyNiggy> Good Spot isnt it :D

#40233 +(152)- [X]

<Pigs> so our network guy is a cock smoker
<Joes_meat> I so wanna be one of those.

#40235 +(188)- [X]

<Celestar> I'm just disassembling the notebook, the battery contacts are dirty and need cleaning.
<Celestar> I think I overdid this disassembling. *holds LCD panel in hand*

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