#18160 +(310)- [X]
<MaxPower> so I'm on this ftp site today
<thammy> that sounds like the beginning of a bad geek joke
#18161 +(162)- [X]
<tbone22> today is my housemate's bday...what should i buy him...he just turned 23
<Dirge> a big fat penisdildo
<tbone22> he's hetero
<tbone22> (are there other kinda of dildos?)
#18162 +(111)- [X]
Wangtangs2 <AUTO-REPLY> : taking a dump ;) >:o PUSH!!!
PRoGRaMMeRQ: I'm taking a screenshot of that and pasting that on my front website
#18164 +(681)- [X]
<LaBOMBa> I forfeited a wrestling match to this dude becuase his name was Dick Harden
#18174 +(108)- [X]
<netmunky> i just ate
<orange1> he says as he returns from the bathroom
#18202 +(94)- [X]
<GrandTheftNintendo> wtf is an oligarchy
<confusedd> a cross between a monopoly and an orge
#18208 +(237)- [X]
<runedx2> the other day... my cat was in my lap.. and i was petting it. but then i realized there wasn't a cat in my lap. :(
#18220 +(38)- [X]
<jesus_> my healing hands be drivin tha virgins wild.
#18223 +(566)- [X]
<PowrSlave> Ah yes, everything I know I learned from Grand Theft Auto 3. For example, if I need a ride across town and there's a squad car nearby, I just punch the nearest old lady. When the cops get out of their vehicle to fight me, I steal the car. That gets me Warning Level 1, but all I have to do is hide in an alleyway for 30 seconds and the cops will forget all about me. Great learning tool.
#18230 +(331)- [X]
<ZondrZout> Dammit, something is coming out of my ass!
#18231 +(34)- [X]
<Wolf_> Oh shit, just realized i tasted my sperm during masturbation ! :D
<CZ> Sick, how the hell did you managed do that ?
<Wolf_> Well, uh, the pressure was so high...
#18234 +(88)- [X]
<C-rEs:#slackware> isnt it recommended to keep ports apart? like you dont want to use port 1035 and 1036 at the same time?
#18236 +(27)- [X]
<Sniperwolf> Im intending to whip you with meh cat5 if you dont shut up!
#18237 +(279)- [X]
<afhersn> I'm a trojan infected computer set to spam. I got this way because I went to a p0rn site someone messaged me. I'm an idiot. Find an IRCop and get me klined please!
#18253 +(267)- [X]
<[Piratez]> so what kinda job you got?
<drunkers> i wash dishes
<[Piratez]> at a resturaunt?
<drunkers> no, at home
#18254 +(187)- [X]
<RtWhO> oh shit the shower hurt me......I got in turned the water on, the water pressure is amazing, well anyways it knocked me down....I hurt my ass bone
#18255 +(218)- [X]
<LynxCrR>You'd think if something were trivial you wouldn't fail at it.
<UprightMan>You can make something 2000 times
<UprightMan>and still mess up
<UprightMan>Like, Ive peed a few hundred trillion times, but I still sometimes miss the toilet!
#18256 +(184)- [X]
<endura> I like to get an idea of how easy itd be to get laid if I walked onto a campus in a gorilla suit with a giant banana as genitalia
#18269 +(-221)- [X]
<Morphious> in 7 yrs ive hacked 200 people
#18270 +(330)- [X]
<BloodNose> I'm actually going out for the weekend ... *gasp*
<BloodNose> to spend a night ...
<BloodNose> at a girls house *bigger gasp*
<cryptonix> his aunts
<BloodNose> and like, I've never even met this girl before
<Blender13> obviously his aunt
<cryptonix> great aunt
<BloodNose> apparently she's really fit and been offered a modeling job
<cryptonix> hot great aunt
<Blender13> and why the hell are you going there?
<BloodNose> ok, brb ... I need to phone my uncle to see if it's alright with my aunt still
#18271 +(371)- [X]
<Shrapnull> It's not how the boat floats, or the size of the mast, but the motion of the ocean
<cryptonix> just hope your seamen don't have scurvey :D
#18274 +(758)- [X]
<Storm> Ah shit theres a fire in the dorms
<Storm> Guess I should leave, brb
<Zekk> Hhmm.... that sucks
<Storm> Whew, it got put out
<Zekk> Everything OK?
<Storm> Yea, we are thinking about starting another one to get all the chicks out there in their underwear again =P
#18286 +(134)- [X]
[assman] if you wouldnt fuck brad pitt then you're gay
#18288 +(288)- [X]
<drunkers> is your real name gabe?
<drunker> ever concider killing your parents with a shovel?
#18303 +(7)- [X]
<fragglet> is it a horror movie
#18316 +(376)- [X]
<count^> real life is just something the government invented to steal my money
#18317 +(885)- [X]
<nzc> i need to msg quat
<nzc> there we go
<nzc> i have to eat
<cj_> you have
<cj_> to take off
<cj_> your return key
<cj_> and only
<cj_> use it for
<cj_> special occasions
<cj_> when you finish
<cj_> a sentence
#18334 +(571)- [X]
<scabb> What's the difference between a Psychiatrist and a Psychologist?
<MIiscool> I'm not sure, but I think the latter takes care of easier problems, which can be fixed with medication, while the former does the whole talking bit
<scabb> So if they were Pokemon, Psychologist would evolve into Psychiatrist?
<Twilo> wouldn't you need a diploma stone to do it?
<Twilo> you have to trade psychiatrist to a different university for him to evolve
#18335 +(373)- [X]
<Pika-Screw> Did you ever want to kick Mario right in the pills and yell "That's for keeping Luigi in the shadows all these years, bitch!"?
#18337 +(135)- [X]
geekgirl [~M.E.Landr@220.127.116.11] has joined #megatokyo
<TheRiff> "ill never sleep with another woman ive never met before again!"
<TheRiff> and then they realize they said woman and meant man, and rethink their whole life
<TheRiff> since she has a mustache, its confusing
<geekgirl> Now that is a weird conversation to come to.
#18339 +(530)- [X]
* Magellan_ narrows his eyes at greylark
<Greylark> why me?
<Magellan_> because you started it
<Greylark> i didn't say anything about your imaginary girlfriend
<Magellan_> SHES NOT IMAGINARY!
#18341 +(249)- [X]
<Mr-Ikari> X is being evil on my laptop :(((
<adrian> you have to shake it to clear the screen
#18392 +(283)- [X]
<XtremeBain> you know you're a hich when
<Fembot> ya can't spell "hick"
#18397 +(126)- [X]
<Scythewz> my bed makes a nice punching bag
<Zimbu> and at night, Scythewz's bed makes a nice diaper
#18406 +(419)- [X]
<metroid23> wtf... i heard this kind of "knock" on my front door, i go to check and theres a dead squirrel on my NEIGHBORS porch O_o
<ScumDog> does it look injured?
<metroid23> its fucking dead
<Gaffect> fell from a tree?
<metroid23> hahaha, right, on the nearest tree (50 feet away) and then being projected 45 feet horizontally and then falling thru two stories of concrete :)
<metroid23> poor guy
#18431 +(878)- [X]
<xbain> "statistics show that teen pregnancy significantly drops off after age 25"
#18437 +(647)- [X]
<rastie> i teached my kid sister a good lesson
<Murdock> I'm guessing it wasn't an english lesson..
#18446 +(256)- [X]
<RoyalBlood> hes like "my dad tells me all about cars cuz he downloads them from the internet" ...
<RoyalBlood> i would have slapped him if i was closer
* Fembot knows all about women 'cause he d/l's them off the Internet
#18449 +(250)- [X]
<Blue> drunk girls are easier than programming
<JC|WooWoo> blue just can't program
#18450 +(226)- [X]
<carcoal> what's a good car?
<carcoal> truck or sub
<jitspoe> sumbarines are usually good cars, carcoal
#18451 +(325)- [X]
<+shattersp1ne> hey i found out a way to abbreviate army
<+shattersp1ne> i will make millions off of it
#18452 +(189)- [X]
<Fembot> weight is like a Mississippi marriage -- purely relative.
<Fembot> mass is constant
#18454 +(475)- [X]
<Fryth> ah, math jokes
<Fryth> don't drink and derive
#18455 +(278)- [X]
<keithandmike-com> Just stop.. okay. Damnit, I hate you so much. You probably sit and write these down and just wait for me to join. Bastard. Eat corn poop.
<Fembot> Mike joined the Navy and wanted to become a SEAL... there was something appealing about their creed to "never leave their buddy's behind"
#18457 +(959)- [X]
<Kaltorak> every 7 out of 6 days is a bad day for my typing skils.
<Kaltorak> oh my god.
#18459 +(38)- [X]
<Calrathan> does it have something to do with Microsoft rerouting the traffic to go through their own version of Carnivore, called Omnivore? [it eats EVERYTHING! bwhahahaha]
#18460 +(151)- [X]
<Fryth> What is ".net"? Some kind of asp development standard?
<Calrathan> Fryth, distributed computing solution by MS.
<Calrathan> in otherwords... MS can disolve computers around the world with this stuff
<Calrathan> [distributed computing SOLUTION... har har har]
#18463 +(979)- [X]
<Bender`> When i was little i took a bath with my dad and when he stood up from the tub his penis slapped me across the face
#18468 +(90)- [X]
<FooMashoo> i wear my pants backwards <Bryan> is that so the zipper is easier for your lover? <FooMashoo> yes
#18469 +(194)- [X]
<Fembot> Apple is co-branding a cpu line w/ Monty Python. it'll be called the "iFartinyourgeneraldirection"